Wednesday, March 31, 2010


Roy's Got Your Cover Jinx Right Here

Click for enlarged view trust me it's totally worth it

So yesterday it was revealed that our very own Harry Leroy was going to be featured on the latest issue of Sports Illustrated. Immediately everyone was all, "grumble grumble there goes our season!", "OMG SI JINX" and "Holy crap remember when Hamels was on the cover last year and then he went out and got a little dog in a backpack and totally bit the big one all season long and then we wanted to trade him for anyone not named Cole Hamels because we're by and large a completely irrational and overreacting fan base that's somewhat incapable of objective analysis and critical thought?!"

Of course, the so called "SI cover jinx" is all just a bunch of crap; it's confirmation bias. We only remember the incidents when a player or team screws up after being on the cover, but we conveniently forget all the other times that they don't. But even if it was real, we have concrete proof that Roy is impervious to this sort of black magic. Huh, what, you ask?

Well. Remember 2003, the year Roy won his first Cy Young? It just so happens that a certain cutterific pitcher of ours graced the cover of Madden that same season. How quickly we forget...

What the faulk

And let me tell you, the Madden cover jinx is no confirmation bias hocus pocus. That thing is REAL. So everyone just chill out. Roy's got this.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

ZWR Time Capsule

So in playing around with this blog thingy I've discovered the ability to set posts to publish at specific points in the future. It has come in handy, because ZWR basically swims in a sea of brilliance (we ARE waving, NOT drowning), and don't want to put like four face-breakers out there all at once. What does it mean here and now you ask? I'll tell you! It means that you get to email your predictions for Roy Halladay's season opening performance in DC this coming Monday, which I'll compile in a post and set to "wake up" (oh, should I have put in an Arcade Fire link?) on Tuesday morning. I don't set rules, so feel free to go prose narrative or statsy (IP, ER, K, BB, WHIP) or write a poem or whatever you want to do. The person who predicts the CUTTEREDs and SO CUTTEREDs correctly (8 Strikeouts = 4C, 4SC, 9 Strikeouts = 5C, 4SC) gets acknowledgment, which is incredibly special. We'll do this going forward, so don't be sad if you totally mess up.

So send them in: Deadline is Saturday at 3:18PM.

It just hit you. When did he actually write this? I know I'm reading it now, but he said...

Recovered Email Chain of Senior Management Zoo Animals Discussing the Potential Visit from Roy Halladay

To: C-Level Managers, Team Leads
From: Orangutan, Ursula
Subject: Re: Roy Halladay visit

Oops, Sorry! Count us in.


Tree, Branch 13

To: C-Level Managers, Team Leads
From: Orangutan, Ursula
Subject: Re: Roy Halladay visit

To: C-Level Managers, Team Leads
From: Gator, Al E.
Subject: Re: Roy Halladay visit


Concerning the Roy Halladay thing, the Amphibious Integrated Product Team is more than willing to volunteer some time towards putting together a presentation if it helps the zoo. We have an intern that can snap a two-by-four with one bite (big crowd pleaser), and our tortoises have some great ideas for an informative and entertaining aquatic display. Keep us in the loop- we'd be glad to help!

Al Gator
Amphibious IPT Lead
MBA, PMP, Lean Six Sigma Black Belt

"Better is the Enemy of Good Enough"

To: C-Level Managers, Team Leads
From: Bengal, Barry
Subject: Re: Roy Halladay Visit

PLEASE BE COGNIZANT THAT YOU ARE NOT ACCIDENTALLY REPLYING TO ALL, especially if you are accessing the corporate e-mail network via mobile device. While levity has its place (God knows I love a purrfect zinger), you should know that mobile computing comes with certain security risks. Additionally, there are now dozens of superfluous e-mail files that will now need to reside and be archived on the company's Exchange servers for the foreseeable future thanks to rigid SOX compliance regulations. While this is not a huge deal, it should be noted that one of the Company's goals as part of our five year HORIZON action plan was to reduce bandwidth consumption and overall network resources. Thank you for your attention in this matter, and if you have any questions, please refer to the Company's e-mail etiquette and usage policies which are located on the Z: shared drive on the corporate stack as well as the intranet.

Regarding Ray Halladay: someone clue me in on this? thx

Warm regards,

Barry Bengal
Chief Information Officer & EVP of Technology Services

To: C-Level Managers, Team Leads, Penguin, Harry/Zoo_PZ
From: Hyena, Lawrence
Subject: Re: Roy Halladay Visit

Oh, just stick your neck out and go with it. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHA! (never gets old)

- Larry

To: C-Level Managers, Team Leads, Penguin, Harry/Zoo_PZ
From: Giraffe, John Q.
Subject: Re: Roy Halladay Visit


I recently got word of this visit and I have to say that I'm more than a little concerned. A number of key team members have also expressed consternation. The fear is that this generates so much publicity that it distracts the teams involved from our core organizational goals. In last year's review cycle we received a large amount of feedback centered around our ability to execute, and frankly I'm a little worried that this could be a distraction that will hinder us in meeting our agreed upon year-end goals. As you know, only the Aquatics division achieved bonus eligibility last year. I'm happy to discuss this off-line if need be-- pls have Ginnie add it to my calendar.


John Q. Giraffe

Executive Vice President, Operations

To: C-Level Managers, Team Leads
From: Penguin, Harry/Zoo_PZ
Subject: Roy Halladay Visit


As you may have been briefed in the joint working group or morning FOCUS meetings, there exists the possibility of a visit by new Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Roy Halladay. Management has tasked a small team, of which I'm a part, with reaching out to our section leads and, in doing so, developing through their respective areas some ideas that could help generate publicity and/or encourage Mr. Halladay and the organization sponsoring the function to carry it out. Please get with your people, gen up some thoughts, and double back by, oh, say, COB Wednesday. I'm here if you have any questions.


C. Harry Penguin
Division Chief, Flightless Aviation Research

Monday, March 29, 2010

BREAKING NEWS: Barack Obama to throw out first cutter on April 5

ZOMG! This only adds more hype to what was already going to be the greatest moment of all-time...

To commemorate Roy Halladay's first appearance as a Phillie, Barry will be on hand to keep it smooth, and also throw out the first pitch. One can only assume that he'll be getting pre-game CUTTER tips from Roy Halladay's game face. No word yet on whether they'll be going to the zoo after Roy's perfect game.

This also of course means that getting in and out of the stadium will be a nightmare, what with the rocket launchers, snipers and all. No seriously, get there early. Or, you could always refer to ZWR's handy DC travel guide.

Seriously people, people are getting cuttered on April 5. So cuttered. (Now in t-shirt form! Get yours before opening day!)

omg omg omg omg omg omg

This time next week you'll all be "OMG I'm about to see Roy Halladay!" and I'll be all "seriously Roy Halladay" and Ryan Lawrence will be all "Hey I'm press can I get a free shirt from your concession stand?" and we'll all be all "It's okay to be half-drunked at 11 AM right?" and Crashburn Alley and The Good Phight will be all "I've devised a metric for that" and the guys from The Fightins will be all, "Sup?" and people will be taking pictures of themselves in ZWR shirts at the park because you know I'll post each and every one of them. Then the Natinals will get cuttered. So cuttered. It's on.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

We Lost- So What?


I've heard chatter in the break rooms and by the Yoo-Hoo coolers, and I'm a bit miffed. Let us be clear: there is no need to regroup, refocus, etc. Being eliminated by Todd Zolecki (we're still good, I swear) doesn't change things. The Phield was fun in that it presented us with the chance for competition and camaraderie, but it in no way effected the purpose of the bolg (this owes to rock solid strategic goal setting and direction by, well, me). If anything, it presented I want to go to the zoo with Roy Halladay (, in the midst of all its inherent fun and brilliance (good job, The Phield), the opportunity to share its awesomeness with a greater audience, and that will only strengthen everything about us. So relax! Going back to our very first post:

The goal of this blog, in the most simple terms, is to convince Roy Halladay to go to the zoo with me.

We're not deviating from that, and I want to go to the zoo with Roy Halladay.

EDIT: Here's a great picture of a puma so wanting to nom some of a baby's bottle at the zoo:

Saturday, March 27, 2010

"Huge" ZWR Celebrity Endorsements!

So we may not win this thing (omg if you haven't voted for us in THE PHIELD, please please please go do it now. srsly, we're behind by like a billionty votes), but even if we don't, it was worth it.

I mean, wow. Who knew that Wheels and Sarge were such big fans! This is so exciting I might just go buy them a new ZWR logo t-shirt and mail it to CBP. Okay, probably not. Well, maybe if they'll give one to Roy and post a Twitpic of him holding it up.

Keep it Smooth. And Vote for Zoo With Roy in The Phield.

Click here to vote for us in The Phield >>

So here we are. We made it to the Sweet 16. But we'll need a colossal effort to overtake #1 seed Todd Zolecki and his actual real blog about baseball. So tell everyone you know to vote. Post it on your Twitters and Facebooks. Spread the word.

Enjoy the video. And keep it smooth.

Keep it smooth in the sweet sixteen from Zoo With Roy on Vimeo.

We can do this. I think. Maybe.

Proper Panda Propaganda!!!

ZWR fan and guest submitter Jacopo Belbo (the creator of Komrade Red Panda) is very nice. A history buff, he also tells me that propaganda has long been used to communicate helpful social messages. With that thought buoyed by the nervous excitement of taking on the man, he joined we and donated these supertacular Red Komrade pieces. I still haven't quite reconciled how we've equated Zolecki with ruling elite while at the same time going with a Soviet campaign, but I'm fairly certain it works. 

Friday, March 26, 2010

So Roy Halladay Pitched Yesterday

"Through the fence, between the curling flower spaces, I could see them hitting."
Well, not the Yankees! Doc continued to fine tune things yesterday, giving up only two runs while cuttering (more on that in a bit) seven over the course of that many innings in a minor league contest amongst grapefruits and sunshines. It all took 99 pitches, which translated in Halladay means he only threw 57. Wait what? No seriously, do the math. It all makes sense. So now it's one more Spring Training outing, against Toronto (burn for them), and then we get to see him in DC for opening day I'm going and can't wait it's gonna be so great I'm sitting in right field (Wertz beard!) let's get beer and five guys. Oh, yeah- and you can meet a naked mole rat at The National Zoo before the game if you want.

Moving on. This whole animated MS Paint thing is the bee's knees; I hope you all like it as much as I do. I'm not going to lie--throwing one into a "So Roy Halladay Pitched Yesterday" post is spoiling you donkeys, and I'm nothing if not tempered, but you've earned it. As such, for your enjoyment (no seriously you may as well just love it because it's going to take over game threads throughout the interwebs when Roy pitches), a taste of the nastiness to come, funnier than when your buddy tried to explain to you why he loves Fiona Apple...


(I actually do like Fiona Apple)

Komrade Panda Would Like to Thank You for Voting

We did it! Or more specifically, you, the good readers and MySpace yo followers of the hottest #12 seed bolg in the universe did it, advancing ZWR to the sweet 16. Your tremendous support gave ZWR a 317 to 92 (zomg, srsly!) win over some lady with a website called Phillies Files. Up next: Todd Zolecki and his blog about Alonzo Mourning.

Let's take a look at the odds:
1. Beerleaguer – 5:2
2. Phillies Nation – 3:1
3. The Fightins – 3:1
4. The Zo Zone – 4:1
5. The 700 Level – 5:1
6. High Cheese – 7:1
7. Phuture Phillies – 10:1
8. Finger Food – 10:1
9. Crashburn Alley – 12:1
10. Phillies Insider – 18:1
11. Balls, Sticks, & Stuff – 22:1
12. The Good Phight – 25:1
13. Macho Row – 30:1
14. Phillies Phollowers – 40:1
15. Phoul Ballz – 50:1
16. I Want to Go to the Zoo With Roy Halladay – 65:1
Say what! A $25 bet might get NAG NAG NAG those counter tops after all...

Zolecki is a juggernaut for sure, but word on the street is that he went to Syracuse. So, you know. And even if that wasn't true, which I think it probably isn't but I'm not really sure, that guy gets paid to write a blog about baseball for a living. Paid by MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL. Bud Selig is like his boss or whatever. Voting for Todd Zolecki in a blog contest is like rooting for the IRS during tax season. So when you think of Todd Zolecki, think of the IRS auditing your Dad and Bud Selig's dumb face. Then cast your vote accordingly. Next round gets underway on Saturday. Expect more charming propaganda.

And don't forget, if we make it to the elite 8, gets a free t-shirt with an MS Paint elephant and Roy Halladay on it. Ryan Lawrence still gets nothing.

Hi! It's Friday.


Mammal Madness!!! © update: Alas, ZWR Executive Director of Facebook intern Max and Meech (of the bestest Phillies site on the planet for the none of you that know ZWR but not The Fightins) are both mathematically eliminated. Ryan Lawrence, Delco Times beat writer and the holder of a Master's Degree from Northwestern University's Medill School of Journalism (look for one of his conversations with ZWR to be featured in their alumni magazine), is so eliminated that we may have to consider a probationary entry for him next season. Komrade Panda? More to come. Trust me.

Funny conversation with NAG NAG NAG last night at dinner:

ZWR: "So I think we're gonna win in this round of the bracket competition."
NNN: "I want new counter tops!"
ZWR: "It's good, because we could get some publicity and more viewers."
NNN: "Make me a skinny latte!"

Roy pitched yesterday... update to come later. I kinda just wanted to say good morning, y'all.

OH!- if you're a Twitter follower you got to see a non-bolg .gif yesterday that made fun of the Mets. It's like when Yellow Ledbetter was a secret squirrel offering or something. So, ummm, there you go.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Please watch this and then vote for ZWR at The Phield

Okay let's make a deal. We'll let you watch this minute and nine seconds of unadulterated awesomesauce if you promise to go and vote for us in our second round matchup in the Phillies bolg tourney thing over at The Phield. Voting starts at 8:00 a.m. today.

Because you're likely stunned after watching that, what with your face being broken off and all, we'll make it easy for you and provide this link below.


Go team! And thanks everyone.

Steamboat Wertzy

We're all about disruptive innovation here at Zoo With Roy. Sure, we could sit back, relax and rest on the laurels of our success thus far, but that's just not how we're wired. And so we continue to push the envelope. Develop our craft. Make new t-shirts for you to buy. And expand the boundaries of what was previously thought possible in this here bolg medium.

As such, and without further ado, we proudly present to you the first production of ZWR Animation Studios, "The Meeting" (original here), in animated form. Since this is clearly the beginning of something big, we've taken to calling it Steamboat Wertzy.


Wait for it...

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Breaking Off-Topic News from the ZWR Bureau of Politics and Domestic Affairs

Click for enlizzled vizzle

This Lemur is Making a Strong Play for Next Year's Bracket

Okay I know we're about forever late in posting this, but some of us were busy spending our secret gambling and drinking slush finds that our wives didn't know about on bachelor parties that they hardly approved of our attending in the first place. Anyway, I have no idea where this came from, but apparently the word has gotten out. Now all the zoo animals are clamoring to be spotted not just with Roy, but with other marginally famous (relative to Roy) Phils like the Flyin' Hawaiian. Your rap is strong, lemur. Keep it up and you might just end up a mid-major darling in next year's ZWR Mammal Madness.

Shane Victorino and a Lemur

Speaking of which, it's not too late to complete a 2010 Mammal Madness bracket and submit it to If it's even remotely awesome, we'll post it here and write things like zomg and lol and make you famous to our 100 daily viewers. And if anyone can beat this bracket... well, actually, who are we kidding. No one is going to beat that bracket.

p.s. only 13 days until Roy drops CUTTERS on the Nationals on opening day

Monday, March 22, 2010

They're Grrrrreat!

I'm not joking, I had a dream about this last night. While not an allegory for the hopelessness the National League faces this year (omg freshman art history ZWR says, "The dog in van Eyck's The Arnolfini Wedding symbolizes fidelity while the cherry tree and oranges refer almost certainly to a physical fruitfulness (though most scholars agree the wife is not pregnant)"), the dork on the end had no chance and his attitude throughout the show wasn't very good.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Why Can't Us

Hi I Want to Go to the Zoo with Roy Halladay readers, it's me- Zoo With Roy. I just wanted to let you all know that voting in our region of The Phield is now live, and then ask you all to vote for us. Yup- us. I mean, I'll get to go to the Zoo with Roy Halladay and all, but if that happens it's because of you guys. To show my appreciation for everything, I'm attaching below a thanks in 3D. I hope it doesn't make anyone nauseous, that so isn't my intent.

Enjoy your Sundays!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Guess Who's Excited About Roy Halladay's Infield Single

This guy!


I wasn't the fourth smartest kid in my Strategy class for nothing. So leading into the big vote  (I think tomorrow), I'm just going to straight up use your collective love of Mike Meech- and his insane (yet deserved) following- to move the masses.

If I make it to the elite eight in The Phield, I'll buy @meechone (out of my own pocket) a shirt of me riding an elephant at the zoo with Roy Halladay while wearing a balloon animal on my head.

Ok it's a pretty Saturday so you kids have fun. Bye.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Thursday, March 18, 2010


It's spectacular. I'm taken aback.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Fan Brackets

Before I share these, I want to quickly thank all of our readers: for participating, for finding it all humorous, for following the bolg... for everything. You guys are great, and appreciated. Now go click on some links so I can make enough money to buy freeloading Ryan Lawrence a shirt. The brackets!!1:

Max (Srsly)


Roxorz (<-- actual birth name)

Rick (+83 points for MS Paint and Malt Liquor)

And last but not least, with (a very structured) analysis below the bracket, Miss Bee

  • penguins over puffins in the first five minutes. sads.
  • bald eagle blasts past tree frog
  • slow & steady didn't win any races over here for the tortoise
  • pythons - all talent, no heart.

    • patriotism goes down along with the bald eagles
    • black bears roll over, play with the ball a little, then pose for photos for half of the game

      • penguins tough it out with their happy feet over wolves. sources say wolves spent too much time howling at the moon after win against the black bears
  • there's no feelin good for this gorilla inc.
  • giraffes were a head above the chimp competition
  • sea lions showed complete control of the ball, giving king cobras no chance to strike
  • wallaby upset from down under!

    • polar bear claws away at giraffe's delicate defense
    • wallaby continues upset streak

      • wallaby finally meets it match with the seasoned polar bears
  • there's no gliding over the kings of the jungle for the sugar gliders
  • kangaroo can't get through elephant defense to set up their dunk shots often enough
  • grizzlies fought hard, pandas fought harder
  • zebras stood no chance against the red pandas!

    • lions continue their dominance over all creatures in the division
    • red pandas win, adding salt to the wound at press conference "we're not even RELATED to pandas!"

      • red pandas ferociously attack, lions can't hold on
  • donkeys clumbsy offense makes this an easy win for tiger
  • alligator chomps past porcupine
  • sloth dreams slip away in second half
  • mallards fly past dragons

    •  tigers continue to look super good
    • mallard can't seen to get it together enough to fly past snow leopards

      • upset! tigers first loss all season
final four
  • arctic/antarctic showdown - in OT to penguins
  • snow leopards pounce early, but lose steam, red pandas overtake.
for the trophy
  • highly anticipated match, penguins lose their footing and red pands win.
hearts, stars, and zoo animals,  (<-- ZWR: how cool was that?!)
miss bee

Another Celebrity Entry, Etc.

Now I know how The New Yorker felt when David Sedaris first got in touch. Or perchance it's more apt to say how David Sedaris felt when The New Yorker went through with it. Either way, Mike Meech- of The Fightins and local television fame- sent along his MAMMAL MADNESS!!! © picks, and you're about to read them:

Philadelphia Zoo Regional:

(1) Penguin over (8) Puffin -- Isn't a puffin like a mini-penguin? That shit gets son'd, yo.
(5) Tree Frogs over (4) Bald Eagle -- Our nation's symbol goes down! The Frogs were nasty in Double Dribble.
(3) Wolf over (6) Tortoise -- Scott Howard and Pooh Richardson proved that Wolves can ball.
(2) Black bear over (7) Python -- The only way the Python could win is if it swallowed the bear whole and that shit ain't happening.

(5) Tree frog over (1) Penguin
(3) Wolf over (2) Black bear

(3) Wolf over (5) Tree frog

Austin Zoo & Animal Sanctuary Regional

(8) Gorilla over (1) Polar Bear -- Can a Polar Bear 
dunk a ball while jumping through a flaming hoop?  Didn't think so.
(5) Giraffe over (4) Chimp -- The Chimp took a bunch of Xanex and tried to eat the Giraffe's face, but couldn't reach.
(3) Sea lion over (6) King cobra -- This ain't golf, King cobra, get the fuck out of here.
(7) Wallaby over (2) Seal (pensive) -- An absolute blowout, but the "Club Those Seals!" chant was completely uncalled for.

(8) Gorilla over (5) Giraffe
(7) Wallaby over (3) Sea lion

(8) Gorilla over (7) Wallaby

Oregon Zoo Regional

(1) Lion over (8) Sugar glider -- The fuck's a Sugar glider?
(5) Kangaroo over (4) Elephant --  Who do you think taught Clyde Drexler how to ball?  
(3) Panda over (6) Grizzly bear -- Ask Vancouver or Memphis how good Grizzlies are at basketball.  Plus, pandas are so darn cute!
(7) Zebra over (2) Red pandas! -- I appreciate the enthusiasm of the young Red panda squad, but Zebras can fix games.

(5) Kangaroo over (1) Lion
(7) Zebra over (3) Panda

(7) Zebra over (5) Kangaroo

Lincoln Park Zoo Regional

(1) Tiger over (8) Donkey -- GRRRRRRROOOOWWWWWLLL
(5) Porcupine over (4) Alligator -- They win by a point!  See you later, alligator! (Get it?  GET IT!?)
(3) Snow leopard over (6) Sloth -- Three toes do not a basketball player make.
(2) Mallard over (7) Komodo dragon -- Can we just hand this bracket to the Tiger now?

(1) Tiger over (5) Porcupine
(2) Mallard over (3) Snow leopard

(1) Tiger over (2) Mallard


(3) Wolf over (8) Gorilla
(7) Zebra over (1) Tiger

And your 2010 Mammal Madness Tourney is...



Also, Ryan Lawrence- of the Delco Times & Bushwick Bill fan club- keeps pestering the heck out of me for a free t-shirt. If anyone knows how to comp people from their spreadshirt store, or even wants to buy him one, please be in touch.


@ZooWithRoy wants to be the home of your drunken St. Patty's Day tweets.


Lots of submissions rolling in. Will try to post or summarize as many as I can over the course of the next few days. Thanks!!!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

This Guy Gets It

So Ryan Lawrence, Phils beat writer at the Delco Times, Northwestern Journalism Alum (oooooooooooooooh), fanatical ZWR fan, and all-around good donkey not only participated in Mammal Madness, but he wrote his whole bracket out. Prose, yo. Of course, this needs to get posted. Enjoy:

I'll start in the Oregon Region:

Lion over Super Glider. Not much of a match, really.

Elephant over Kangaroo. Dude's on a t-shirt. Duh.

Grizzly over Panda. Grizz was pretty ticked he was the underdog.

Red pandas! over Zebra. Even the refs couldn't help team Z.

Lincoln Park:

Tiger over Donkey. Their bite beats ass kick.

Porcupine over gator. Prickly bastards.

Snow leopard over Sloth. Loser goes on to star in 'Goonies 2.'

Mallard over komodo dragon. This went to OT, Beak prevails.


Polar bear over Gorilla. Do you need to ask why?

Giraffe over chimp. Loser's ups not enough to block G-shot.

King cobra over Sea Lion. Fan favorites go down.

Seal (pensive) over Wallaby. Just because.


Penguin over puffin. Backwards red hat is the difference. 

Bald eagle over tree frog. Get off my branch, bitch.

Wolf over tortoise. Underneath the shell, he's softer than Eaton.

Black bear over python. the black bear is badass.

Round two


Elephant over Lion. Not sure either gets any further, they beat the crap outta each other.

Grizz over red pandas! I'm tellin ya, the Grizz is fiercer than King Cole.


Tiger over 'pine; Ugly - the 'pine even tried to hit Tiger over head with five iron.

snow leopard over mallard. It's still cold out; they're playing in snow season.


Polar over giraffe. That giraffe got tore up.

Cobra over seal. Sweep the leg! (or fin-thing!)


Penguin over Bald eagle: Sid beats U.S. again

Black bear over wolf: This was my least favorite to watch go down.

Onto the final four:

Oregon: Grizz over Elephant. Nobody beats the grizz.

Lincoln: Tiger over snow leopard. Tigers are favorites to win this whole thing.

Austin: Polar over cobra. Cobra came in looking for a fight, Polar swatted his ass into the grass.

Philly: Penguin over Black Bear. The game of the tourney; but the 'giun is better dressed for Final Four shindigs.


Tiger over Grizz. Not sure how this happened, but the damn Tiger is a in a Roy-like zone.

Polar over Penguin. It's just not fair, the Polar is a mean son'abitch.


Tiger over Polar. Turns out Doc was working with the Tigers all offseason. (National Wildlife Federation, MLB, NCAA and NSA looking into possible violations).


It's that time of year again... Enjoy the Big Dance- whilst showing off your bracketology skills- by competing in the official Zoo With Roy Mammal Madness Tournament!

Follow along as traditional powers Polar Bear and Lion, upstarts Porcupine, Snow Leopard, and WCAC Conference Champion Wallaby, national media darlings Tree Frog, and potential Cinderellas Donkey and Sugar Glider battle it out, with the rest of the field, for a chance to cut down the branches!

Hot Topics
  • Seal and Sea Lion in the same regional: Pinniped Pandemonium!
  • "Last Four In" (At-Large): King Cobra, Komodo Dragon, Tortoise, Zebra
  • Bubbles Busted: Otter, Cheetah, Crocodile (!), Peacock

Fan Pulse
  • "Frankly, I'm surprised to see Gorilla seeded that low. I guess it lost too many out-of-paddock matchups." (Jay Bilas, ESPN)
  • "Red Panda is like Butler. You never really think of them, but there they are every year." (
  • "Do NOT rule out Giraffe. Their height is going to be very hard to match up against, and they are going to be a tough out for anyone who has to face them." (John Gonzalez, Philadelphia Inquirer)

ZWR Readers: Be sure to fill out your brackets and send them in to The best of the bunch will be featured on the site, and the winner will receive a spectacular prize.

Hamels Prepares to Face the Tigers

The scene earlier today, as inspired by a Ryan Lawrence tweet:

The whole scenario has a Miyaga/Daniel-san vibe to it.

Cole is definitely preparing for some leg-sweeping redemption in 2010. Although you'd at least think that Hamels would be able to score an iPad prototype version or something.

Off-topic, yet highly relevant: two Penguins discuss the Cleveland Browns

From Kissing Suzy Kolber:

(Warning, PG-13! one or two bad words)

Later today: Zoo animals battle it out bracket style to see who will take home the Harry Leroy Halladay III trophy!!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Roy Halladay Was Awesome Again

So Roy Halladay pitched again today: 5 IP, 1 R, 3 H, 2 BB, 6 Ks. It's going to be really hard to not get spoiled, quickly, by this guy. I've got an idea: how about a zoo analogy? Okay! It's like having seen a really hip polar bear, except that when you did it was just sort of laying there in the shade, relaxing. And while you're there looking (all full of greed and entitlement with your stupid crew socks), you think to yourself, "It would be really hip if he dove into the water and then swam around some. They do that you know? It's beautiful. Oh well, I think I'll go get some ice cream." Only later, when you get home and are watching Amazing Race or something dumb, it dawns on you that you got to see a polar bear in person. So my message, folks, is this: enjoy the polar bear.

Some website called Thrillist wrote a thing about our bolg

Link here >>

In addition to calling Nag Nag Nag's husband a lunatic, they also say:
ZWR also flashes MS Paint-produced stick figure renderings of Doc in several zoo-based scenarios (which point out the baby penguin is his favorite) and also delves into tongue-in-cheek postings like Venn diagrams and a sabermetrics-inspired best-fit graph relating "awesomeness (exclusive of defense or playing on a donkey team)" with "want-to-go-to-the-zoo-with-ability", with Halladay holding a strong lead over Tim Lincecum, even though you know that dude's holding.

Seriously, if you don't get any of the references in that quote, you need to read through the entire ZWR archives just like the author did. That guy, god bless him. And you thought journalism was dead.

NO, we will not sell out, people. We will not let this instant fame and celebrity go to our heads. We will not lose our edge. We will not go all Rick-Vaughn-in-Major-League-2. But we will sell you a t-shirt (in response to popular demand, women's shirts coming soon! Probably. Maybe!)

Sunday, March 14, 2010

I Can't Think of a Title for This

For those of you who were lucky enough to grow up, or currently live, in a part of Philadelphia, or any city for that matter, that was densely populated (read, for this specific case: row homes), you can relate to the notion of the interspersed character. There are tons of them. In my childhood neighborhood, ZWR's mom's home still, there was a lady that used to live on same same block as a bunch of my friends that would, forever far as I can recall, cut out and tape Phillies headlines and pictures from the Daily News and Inquirer to the glass of her screen door. I'd be walking home from a hard day of second grade and stop to see that a fresh photograph of Don Carman had replaced the story about Juan Samuel and stolen bases. It never seemed odd or anything, it just was. Baseball's hip in that by the very nature of the season and how it's constructed we get a whole lot of stories. And while I'm not authorized to draw metaphors, the other day, in catching up on Spring Training happenings by going to the Twitter page I established for a blog about maybe one day heading to the zoo our star acquisition, I couldn't help but feel a tinge of similarity as all of the folks in that crowded little neighborhood were clipping and pasting headlines and pictures, for those passing through, to see about their Phillies.

Oh yeah also at the zoo red kangaroos live with the emu.

Friday, March 12, 2010


This will be the end of the shameless plugs for a while, I swear, but our t-shirt department has been hard at work and was able to convert the MS Paint drawings to the vetrix files or whatever the spreadshirt thingy needs so that they don't stink like poop and now they're added and I mean seriously they're great!!!

(NAG NAG NAG even said that they were "cute", and she thinks this blog is ridiculous)


Genum Phillus Species




Thursday, March 11, 2010


Our t-shirt shop is now open.

Srsly. It's like Ed Hardy for baseball nerds.


Wertz shirts are up first. More to come, possibly including MS Paint originals if we can figure out how to do it. Be the first in Lot K to own one. Check back often. Tell your friends. Buy something so we can drink and gamble more afford some snacks for Roy. Thanks for your support. You're the best blog readers of any blog with less than 100 weekly viewers devoted to wanting to go to the zoo with a professional athlete. I mean that.

If you have any requests, let us know.


It's just for kids. No, it's not! It's just for kids. No, it's not! It's just for kids. No, it's not! Oh well fine then.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Shane Victorino's Limited Edition Roy Halladay Graphic Tee

Coming soon to the ZWR t-shirt shop, which doesn't yet exist

So Roy Halladay pitched last night

Innings: 3

Runs: 0

Strikeouts: 5

Broken bats: at least 1

GIF-worthy swings induced: multiple
(seriously, if anyone can make an animated .gif of that incredible swing Brian McCann took early in the game, we'll be forever in your debt plus we'll post it on the bolg and give you full credit and a high-five. It was incredible. I think he almost tore his ACL. Which would be cool with me because then he'd be off the Braves and the Eagles could sign him)

But the numbers don't tell the whole story. To best summarize Roy's appearance last night, here's Tuffy Gosewich, career minor league catcher and first ballot awesome-name-Hall-of-Famer:

"It's pretty disgusting," he said.

That about sums it up. Thanks Tuffy!

But then he said this:

"You've got Roy, who has proven what he can do, probably the best pitcher in the game right now, and you've got Kyle, who's got enough talent to probably do the same thing."

Whoa. Whoa. Easy there fella. A sinker ball and a junior varsity Roy beard does not a Cy Young pitcher make.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

OMG Penguin Head Tucked-In Jersey Guy Got Us Egypt!

No lie, we had a view from Egypt overnight. Thanks!!!

(We also had folks in Costa Rica and South Korea check us out. I think the last inhabited continent left to go is South America. If you know anyone down there tell them to visit.)

First photo submission: Penguin head tucked jersey guy!

So we have our first response to the "ZWR meme" posting, and it's not bad (though not quite perfect if we're being honest). It came via Twitter, and shows a ton of spirit--which ultimately is appreciated enough to get it recognized now in bolg post format.

But rather than try to write out rules or anything of what the ideal photo submission must contain (I mean, we're not exactly This American Life yet) let's, for the sake of the community, just take a look and see where the work lies.

Send us more pictures

If you want to your zoo/animal/phillies/thought bubble picture featured on Zoo With Roy, please submit them, along with a self addressed stamped envelope (SASE) to And as always, feel free to also twiddle us.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Wanna be in ZWR?

Could this be our first shared bolg meme? If you send in a picture of yourself wearing anything Phillies and/or Roy Halladay-related (this could liberally apply to crappy hand-made signs (particularly those putting thought bubbles over animals, as long as those thoughts relate to Roy Halladay)) at the zoo... I'll post it. Come to think of it, the thought bubble thing is awesome. Not only would this be hilarious, and cool, and running gag, but it would get you donkeys going to the zoo, which everyone should do.

And I'm not just talking to Philadelphia here. I'm looking at you international readers, college kids, and the Portlands!


Sunday, March 7, 2010

Oh, Just Because

More Wertz Beard


Isn't that a great title- Woot? It says it all. But why? Because my tickets for the season opener arrived this weekend. Generally, this would get a yay, but this year it's a woot- because of Roy. Because all of the excitement surrounding just how tremendous in every regard (the cutter, the work ethic, the hilarious discipleship of Kyle Kendrick, etc.) he is. Because my cousin is coming down from Philly with a group of eleven folks and I'm fairly certain half will get arrested. Because I get to take off work and it'll be the end of a four day weekend. Because I'll be high on Cadbury eggs. Because I don't even have to drive to the Nats donkey ballpark and there's a 73% chance I'll be some variation of drunked. Because there are gonna be 63 people wearing Werth beards in right field. I mean, it's just totally woot. Enjoy these times.

Oh... and here's a picture of a snow leopard cub with humongous paws:

Friday, March 5, 2010

A Conversation with Shawn Andrews

Zoo With Roy was lucky enough to have an extensive conversation* recently with Pro Bowl offensive lineman, Philadelphia Eagle, and general awesomehead Shawn Andrews. Naturally, we asked the question on everyone's mind:

ZWR: Hey- I have a blog about going to the zoo with Roy Halladay. What's YOUR favorite animal?

SA: LOL.... I would have to say penguins because we have a similar walk.....

ZWR: Word! I'll send you the link to my world famous blog once I post this exclusive.

SA: World famous eh???

ZWR: I had like 100 views yesterday, yo.

SA: Sweet..... Kudos on that.

ZWR: Thanks, Shawn Andrews.

Thanks to #73 for indulging us, and his time. Root him on folks- he's good people. Additionally, a quick note to any of our readers who happen to be professional athletes: if you want to tell us what your favorite animal is, we will let you.

penguins ftw

* like three Twitter thingies

Post-Publishing Edit: Shawn Andrews is the nicest guy ever! Here's his follow-up: "Hey just read that... Thanks a billion bro.. All the best w/ the blog and future endeavors....Respekt...."

Thursday, March 4, 2010

omg omg omg omg omg omg omg (cont'd)

24 pitches, 21 strikes. Srsly. This guy is totally red pandas. His GROwL © also increased with today's performance, to a remarkable 4.47.

(AP Photo)

Edit: And he apparently let his kid play hooky for today's game (per Ryan Lawrence's Twitter). So, so, SOOOO awesomez.

omg omg omg omg omg omg omg

Roy Halladay is pitching for the Phillies today!!!!!!1


Tuesday, March 2, 2010

The I Want to Go to the Zoo with Roy Halladay Value Proposition

It's the annual goal-setting and review cycle time here at Zoo With Roy.

And like most organizations, we're concerned with maintaining our unique brand position and focus on our core competencies. So now is the time for us to hunker down, take a good look in the mirror, and examine our challenges: How do we stay relevant in the digital age, when the average baseball and zoo blog reader is being bombarded with hundreds of other media messages? How do we continue to connect with know-nothing middle-Americans that comprise the middle 80%? How do we strike a chord with millennials, and their younger siblings--the digital natives? How can we possibly keep up with's Twitter feed?

As you can see, there are a bevy of business pitfalls that keep a bolg CEO up at night. So like most over-stretched and under-informed business leaders, we like to turn to pictures when at all possible. It's true what they say: a picture is worth its weight in words. But this is no parlor trick. As you know, data visualization is all the rage these days in the area of mission critical business intelligence.
John Venn just pooped his pants.

Globalization Applies

As expected, there exists significant International interest in my potentially going to the zoo with Roy Halladay. Shown below, in an exceedingly professional Paintbrush (didn't get this Macbook just for coffee shops and bookstores, y'all) drawing, is a quick look at our growing reach (<- note to self, use that in advertising pitches). Speaking of pitches, don't forget that Roy owns the Yankees on Thursday. True story: Ryan Lawrence, of the Delco Times, was kind enough to "Tweet?" me about this over the weekend. Ummm... that's basically the story. I thought it was nice... so check him out.

Monday, March 1, 2010


Roy Halladay sliding pic from Todd Zolecki's Zo Zone.
All others ganked from Google image search. Fair use news reporting, or whatever.
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