Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Another Celebrity Entry, Etc.

Now I know how The New Yorker felt when David Sedaris first got in touch. Or perchance it's more apt to say how David Sedaris felt when The New Yorker went through with it. Either way, Mike Meech- of The Fightins and local television fame- sent along his MAMMAL MADNESS!!! © picks, and you're about to read them:

Philadelphia Zoo Regional:

(1) Penguin over (8) Puffin -- Isn't a puffin like a mini-penguin? That shit gets son'd, yo.
(5) Tree Frogs over (4) Bald Eagle -- Our nation's symbol goes down! The Frogs were nasty in Double Dribble.
(3) Wolf over (6) Tortoise -- Scott Howard and Pooh Richardson proved that Wolves can ball.
(2) Black bear over (7) Python -- The only way the Python could win is if it swallowed the bear whole and that shit ain't happening.

(5) Tree frog over (1) Penguin
(3) Wolf over (2) Black bear

(3) Wolf over (5) Tree frog

Austin Zoo & Animal Sanctuary Regional

(8) Gorilla over (1) Polar Bear -- Can a Polar Bear 
dunk a ball while jumping through a flaming hoop?  Didn't think so.
(5) Giraffe over (4) Chimp -- The Chimp took a bunch of Xanex and tried to eat the Giraffe's face, but couldn't reach.
(3) Sea lion over (6) King cobra -- This ain't golf, King cobra, get the fuck out of here.
(7) Wallaby over (2) Seal (pensive) -- An absolute blowout, but the "Club Those Seals!" chant was completely uncalled for.

(8) Gorilla over (5) Giraffe
(7) Wallaby over (3) Sea lion

(8) Gorilla over (7) Wallaby

Oregon Zoo Regional

(1) Lion over (8) Sugar glider -- The fuck's a Sugar glider?
(5) Kangaroo over (4) Elephant --  Who do you think taught Clyde Drexler how to ball?  
(3) Panda over (6) Grizzly bear -- Ask Vancouver or Memphis how good Grizzlies are at basketball.  Plus, pandas are so darn cute!
(7) Zebra over (2) Red pandas! -- I appreciate the enthusiasm of the young Red panda squad, but Zebras can fix games.

(5) Kangaroo over (1) Lion
(7) Zebra over (3) Panda

(7) Zebra over (5) Kangaroo

Lincoln Park Zoo Regional

(1) Tiger over (8) Donkey -- GRRRRRRROOOOWWWWWLLL
(5) Porcupine over (4) Alligator -- They win by a point!  See you later, alligator! (Get it?  GET IT!?)
(3) Snow leopard over (6) Sloth -- Three toes do not a basketball player make.
(2) Mallard over (7) Komodo dragon -- Can we just hand this bracket to the Tiger now?

(1) Tiger over (5) Porcupine
(2) Mallard over (3) Snow leopard

(1) Tiger over (2) Mallard


(3) Wolf over (8) Gorilla
(7) Zebra over (1) Tiger

And your 2010 Mammal Madness Tourney is...



Also, Ryan Lawrence- of the Delco Times & Bushwick Bill fan club- keeps pestering the heck out of me for a free t-shirt. If anyone knows how to comp people from their spreadshirt store, or even wants to buy him one, please be in touch.


@ZooWithRoy wants to be the home of your drunken St. Patty's Day tweets.


Lots of submissions rolling in. Will try to post or summarize as many as I can over the course of the next few days. Thanks!!!


  1. Ha. I thought it was S.O.P.

    Lauber mooched a Sarge shirt off Meech. (like how I got meech and mooch in the same sentence?)

    Actually, I don't want ANY t-shirt. I want an original, special edition (think the fukidama sneaks Vince scored for Turtle).

    And keep in mind, dear fan of Sir Roy and friend to all zoo inhabitants: a month from now, I could CASUALLY ask Mr. Halladay how he's liking Philly, ask if he's checked out any of the local places-to-see (well, besides a Sixers game), like the Liberty Bell, the Franklin Institute, the Art Museum.... and.... wait for it.... the country's oldest zoo.

    (I'll probably buy one in any event. Your bolg cracks my shit up.)



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