Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Fan Brackets

Before I share these, I want to quickly thank all of our readers: for participating, for finding it all humorous, for following the bolg... for everything. You guys are great, and appreciated. Now go click on some links so I can make enough money to buy freeloading Ryan Lawrence a shirt. The brackets!!1:

Max (Srsly)


Roxorz (<-- actual birth name)

Rick (+83 points for MS Paint and Malt Liquor)

And last but not least, with (a very structured) analysis below the bracket, Miss Bee

  • penguins over puffins in the first five minutes. sads.
  • bald eagle blasts past tree frog
  • slow & steady didn't win any races over here for the tortoise
  • pythons - all talent, no heart.

    • patriotism goes down along with the bald eagles
    • black bears roll over, play with the ball a little, then pose for photos for half of the game

      • penguins tough it out with their happy feet over wolves. sources say wolves spent too much time howling at the moon after win against the black bears
  • there's no feelin good for this gorilla inc.
  • giraffes were a head above the chimp competition
  • sea lions showed complete control of the ball, giving king cobras no chance to strike
  • wallaby upset from down under!

    • polar bear claws away at giraffe's delicate defense
    • wallaby continues upset streak

      • wallaby finally meets it match with the seasoned polar bears
  • there's no gliding over the kings of the jungle for the sugar gliders
  • kangaroo can't get through elephant defense to set up their dunk shots often enough
  • grizzlies fought hard, pandas fought harder
  • zebras stood no chance against the red pandas!

    • lions continue their dominance over all creatures in the division
    • red pandas win, adding salt to the wound at press conference "we're not even RELATED to pandas!"

      • red pandas ferociously attack, lions can't hold on
  • donkeys clumbsy offense makes this an easy win for tiger
  • alligator chomps past porcupine
  • sloth dreams slip away in second half
  • mallards fly past dragons

    •  tigers continue to look super good
    • mallard can't seen to get it together enough to fly past snow leopards

      • upset! tigers first loss all season
final four
  • arctic/antarctic showdown - in OT to penguins
  • snow leopards pounce early, but lose steam, red pandas overtake.
for the trophy
  • highly anticipated match, penguins lose their footing and red pands win.
hearts, stars, and zoo animals,  (<-- ZWR: how cool was that?!)
miss bee


  1. Looking at my bracket again, I can see I accidentally left an extra "Snow Leopard" towards the top of the page. But that's alright, because snow leopards are just that awesome. As is Miss Bee. Congrats madam, that is truly an impressive thing you have created.

  2. seriously, miss bee may get to write a guest column one day. and i wanna drink some double deuces and eat a roast pork sandwich with rick in a schoolyard in south philly. you know, like all MBAs do.

  3. I think Miss Bee is the clubhouse leader.

  4. She blew our brackets out of the water, meech.

  5. Roxorz = Rabble (<- Real birth name)
    Not that it matters, since my lack of imagination looks sorely out of place in this contest. Miss Bee wins.

  6. oh rabble you know we all love you you big goof you

  7. aw shucks, thanks guys!

    i knew i'd win you over with either the bullet point outline format or the hearts, stars, and zoo animals.

  8. Heathcliff Slocumb (a.k.a. Joe)March 18, 2010 at 3:16 PM

    You people really have some pussified animals winning this bracket. The python is pissed, and he will most definitely strangle the shit outta all yo disrespectin' arses. He's also pissed at ZWR for not including him in any zoo renderings or awesomes t-shirts.

  9. i appreciate the python's zeal. he'll learn patience in time.

  10. If you think I was grading my picks on a scale of machismo Heathcliff, you've misssed the whole point.

  11. Heathcliff Slocumb (a.k.a. Joe)March 18, 2010 at 9:16 PM

    This isn't about machismo, Max - it's about python-ness. The world will learn some day...

  12. Heathcliff Slocumb (a.k.a. Joe)March 18, 2010 at 9:30 PM

    That being said, I do appreciate your scale. Jus' sayin' the python wants some love is all.

  13. cliff has a good point, max.


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