Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Recovered Email Chain of Senior Management Zoo Animals Discussing the Potential Visit from Roy Halladay



To: C-Level Managers, Team Leads
From: Orangutan, Ursula
Subject: Re: Roy Halladay visit

Oops, Sorry! Count us in.


Ursula

Tree, Branch 13

To: C-Level Managers, Team Leads
From: Orangutan, Ursula
Subject: Re: Roy Halladay visit




To: C-Level Managers, Team Leads
From: Gator, Al E.
Subject: Re: Roy Halladay visit

Folks,

Concerning the Roy Halladay thing, the Amphibious Integrated Product Team is more than willing to volunteer some time towards putting together a presentation if it helps the zoo. We have an intern that can snap a two-by-four with one bite (big crowd pleaser), and our tortoises have some great ideas for an informative and entertaining aquatic display. Keep us in the loop- we'd be glad to help!

Al Gator
Amphibious IPT Lead
MBA, PMP, Lean Six Sigma Black Belt

"Better is the Enemy of Good Enough"

To: C-Level Managers, Team Leads
From: Bengal, Barry
Subject: Re: Roy Halladay Visit

ALL:
PLEASE BE COGNIZANT THAT YOU ARE NOT ACCIDENTALLY REPLYING TO ALL, especially if you are accessing the corporate e-mail network via mobile device. While levity has its place (God knows I love a purrfect zinger), you should know that mobile computing comes with certain security risks. Additionally, there are now dozens of superfluous e-mail files that will now need to reside and be archived on the company's Exchange servers for the foreseeable future thanks to rigid SOX compliance regulations. While this is not a huge deal, it should be noted that one of the Company's goals as part of our five year HORIZON action plan was to reduce bandwidth consumption and overall network resources. Thank you for your attention in this matter, and if you have any questions, please refer to the Company's e-mail etiquette and usage policies which are located on the Z: shared drive on the corporate stack as well as the intranet.

Regarding Ray Halladay: someone clue me in on this? thx

Warm regards,
-b2

Barry Bengal
Chief Information Officer & EVP of Technology Services

To: C-Level Managers, Team Leads, Penguin, Harry/Zoo_PZ
From: Hyena, Lawrence
Subject: Re: Roy Halladay Visit

John,
Oh, just stick your neck out and go with it. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHA! (never gets old)

- Larry
SENT FROM MY BLACKBERRY


To: C-Level Managers, Team Leads, Penguin, Harry/Zoo_PZ
From: Giraffe, John Q.
Subject: Re: Roy Halladay Visit

H,

I recently got word of this visit and I have to say that I'm more than a little concerned. A number of key team members have also expressed consternation. The fear is that this generates so much publicity that it distracts the teams involved from our core organizational goals. In last year's review cycle we received a large amount of feedback centered around our ability to execute, and frankly I'm a little worried that this could be a distraction that will hinder us in meeting our agreed upon year-end goals. As you know, only the Aquatics division achieved bonus eligibility last year. I'm happy to discuss this off-line if need be-- pls have Ginnie add it to my calendar.

Thankx.

John Q. Giraffe

Executive Vice President, Operations


To: C-Level Managers, Team Leads
From: Penguin, Harry/Zoo_PZ
Subject: Roy Halladay Visit

Team,

As you may have been briefed in the joint working group or morning FOCUS meetings, there exists the possibility of a visit by new Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Roy Halladay. Management has tasked a small team, of which I'm a part, with reaching out to our section leads and, in doing so, developing through their respective areas some ideas that could help generate publicity and/or encourage Mr. Halladay and the organization sponsoring the function to carry it out. Please get with your people, gen up some thoughts, and double back by, oh, say, COB Wednesday. I'm here if you have any questions.

Regards,

C. Harry Penguin
Division Chief, Flightless Aviation Research

5 comments:

  1. I always suspected that people with animals for names were pressured into working at the zoo. Even if they were clearly gravitating toward another occupation.

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's like Dilbert, but with animals!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Heathcliff SlocumbMarch 30, 2010 at 11:20 AM

    Jayson Werth shaved his beard. Now what do I do with my Wertz revolution shirt? How can there be a revolution without a beard?

    ReplyDelete
  4. It's a collector's item now!! But more now before the after-market prices skyrocket! And don't wear it to the park or people might actually try and rip it off you while still wearing it. It'll probably be girls too so you might be okay with this scenario depending on your preference but you never know.

    ReplyDelete

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