Friday, April 30, 2010

From Our Friends At "I Want to Go to the Queens Zoo with BIG PELF"

Much, much, much more on this to come this season, but we wanted to quickly share with everyone the official bird of the first place (no, really, it'll last) New York Mets and their fans... THE CHINSTRAP PENGUIN!

It's A Kyle Kendrick gif!

Your streak ends tonight, the Mets. 

Thursday, April 29, 2010


If a normal, non face-breaking picture is worth a thousand words then this right here is worth at least eleventyfive. Soak it in, folks. And congrats to Brent Celek on becoming the hippest athlete in the bolgosphere.


Brent Celek's Twitter Background

Dear Brent Celek,

You put the word out yesterday via Twitter that you wanted a customized Twitter background. Although technically the contest is over and you have already chosen the winner, I thought you might still enjoy this background I created for you. You don't have to send an autograph if you don't want, but perhaps you can use it as the alternative background that you break out only every once in a while, like those powder blue and gold atrocities the Eagles merchandising department offended us with a few seasons ago, in that one game where Kevin Curtis had like 300 yards and 4 touchdowns against the Lions--I think it was during your rookie year. '

Anyway, as you may know, I am the internet's foremost expert on MS Paint artwork, and frankly, I'm quite proud of this latest creation. I hope you enjoy it, and that you consider using it on your Twitter account. It's not formatted properly, but I think we can all agree, it rules. Just look at the block you're throwing on that Redskin (most likely Haynesworth), or the way you're hurdling Michael Jenkins as he feebly tries to dive at your knees. I mean, I even worked in the Captain Morgan celebration pose that you got flagged and fined $10,000 for (you better have a whole basement full of spiced rum right now, sheeeesh). But seriously. Thanks for reading. And go Birds.

Best Regards,
I Want to Go to the Zoo With Roy Halladay, MBA

Click for bigger view of Brent pwning the NFC East, NFL policies.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


Oh man, things got crazy. I have a rule where I can't stop reading a novel until I get to the end of a given subsection, and it just so happened that a few minutes prior to first pitch last night I started Book Four of Middlemarch. Having missed the broadcast, I do not really know if Roy Halladay even pitched yesterday. Oh well. Maybe I'll ask him when we go to the zoo, though I doubt it since we'll be looking at all the animals and having so much fun. 

Breaking News on the Ryan Howard Financial Crisis

Did you hear?! Big Piece got paid.

I'm not normally one for excess or financial indulgences, but I'm just saying: it were me, and I just signed that contract, I'd probably hire all the remaining members of the Wu-Tang clan (RIP, ODB) to follow me around for at least a month performing this non-stop. And then after that I'd hire Method Man to freestyle rap my at-bat intro music for the rest of the season; Redman could even come along. I'd also buy a jet ski.

Monday, April 26, 2010

The Zoo With Roy Red Pandamonium Twitter Follow-and-Adopt-A-Thon

Okay, we're going to try and make this quick, while you're still hungover from the weekend and/or the Muppet Babies theme song is still stuck in your head. Because if there's one thing we know about ZWR readers, it's that they're super-busy, important people with huge IQ's and no patience for self-promotional puffery. But anyway, here's the deal:

If we get 1,034 Twitter followers ( by midnight, May 14, 2010, ZWR is going to officially adopt a Red Panda from the Philadelphia Zoo.

Wait, what, you're saying... I know. Awesome idea. But that's really all there is to it. I mean, just think of how awesome it will be for us--and you, by proxy, dear readers-- to have our very own red panda. You'll be able to visit it and say, "OMG that's probably my Red Panda that I helped adopt!" or whatever. And they're pretty much the coolest animals ever, despite their somewhat over-hyped fascist tendencies.

Here's a look at what the adoption kit includes (assuming we hit the magic Twitter number*):
  • Personalized ADOPT Certificate
  • 4 x 6 color photo of your animal (omg yes please)
  • Animal Fact Sheet
  • Philadelphia Zoo email newsletters
  • Invitation for two to ADOPT Day (includes admission to the Philadelphia Zoo)
ADOPT Day is held the first Saturday in October and includes special keeper talks, animal feedings, behind the scenes tours, a cake cutting ceremony and much, much more
So please, by all means, get out there and promote on our behalf. I mean, this bolg rules. And who doesn't love Red Pandas? Just think of how happy Roy will be when a website about visiting the zoo with him has over 1,000 twitter followers!

Not to get too far ahead of ourselves, but we were just imagining what it might be like around the ZWR offices if we adopted a Red Panda or two, and we think this video pretty much nails it:

*let's be honest, even if we don't hit the magic number--and there is a high probability that this will be a glorious, yet charming failure-- we're so adopting a red panda for the bolg anyway. But yes, please, get us a billionty Twitter followers. kthx.

We felt it should go unstated, but bonus points to anyone who knows the significance of May 14 without looking it up.

ZOINKS... It's Muppet Baby Roy Fan Art

You all need to send ZWR ( enthusiast Jacki some chocolates or tulips or something, because she just MADE YOUR MONDAY MORNING!


Sunday, April 25, 2010

Go Bye Bye

It's Sunday morning, but I just woke up thinking about old Saturday cartoons and am fairly certain that a Phillies version of Muppet Babies would be just about the greatest thing ever. Baby Chooch would always have an ice cream cone, baby Polanco a giant head, baby Jimmy would be oh so cool, baby Werth a space cadet... you get the point I mean it's the same thing as the Muppets; and of course Roy would want to go to the zoo, if only Charlie (whose upper half we never see) would let them out of the house. Ha! Okay I need to go get some coffee.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Roy's Win Total in Stuffed Animal Form

ZWR reader Kevin has developed a unique and cuddly system for tracking Roy's face-breaking this season. In addition to the victory tally on the wall, one stuffed animal is added for each HLHIII win. We love symbolism.

Thus far there's a polar bear, an elephant, an Icy Tea penguin (!), and some kind of mutated tiger-squirrel-chipmunk-ish thing. By the end of the season, Kevin is definitely going to need more animals. We're guessing--or at least really hoping--he doesn't have 35 or so small stuffed zoo animals laying around his mom's basement.

The iced tea penguin represents Roy's thirst for perfection.

About Last Night

We love this GIF

Thursday, April 22, 2010

So Roy Halladay Pitched Yesterday (4.21.10 vs. Braves)

This time, no one in the 'pen even got up.

"They were all down there eating peanuts," manager Charlie Manuel said with a smile.

-Associated Press

Pitches: 113
Innings: 9
Runs: 0
Earned Runs: 0
Strikeouts: 7 [
unofficial tally (ZWR was a bit drunk): 4 cuttered, 3 so cuttered]
Circus defensive plays: 2
Complete game shutouts: 1
Words left to write in this post about how incredibly awesome Harry Leroy Halladay III (FTW) is and how privileged we are to watch him play baseball: 0

Roy Halladay as Charles Dickens

SRHPY is still in the works, but in advance of that permit for a moment the analogy that hit me as a I bought my coffee this morning: Roy Halladay as Charles Dickens. The man produces- has produced this season- an overwhelming and densely impressive (low pitch counts, strike to ball ratio, first pitch strikes, etc.), body of work. The record and statistics speak to that. What strikes me (and maybe it's because now every five days we have to find a fresh way of saying "omg he's so awesome") in the present retrospect is that the sheer volume of awesomeness in no way dilutes it. Take it individually, and then collectively, and it's just loving loving loving Roy. Think about it, to date: Great Expectations -> A Tale of Two Cities (Sorry Astros, but you stink) -> Oliver Twist -> Our Mutual Friend. BOOM! Sooooo much there, and yet you're powerless to do anything other than speak to the merit anew despite the previous review glowing. A masterpiece is a masterpiece, folks.

I so cannot wait to go to the zoo with this guy.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


Thanks Shane!

Zoo Before Roy Potential; He Got This

I've got some good news for the Phillies fans in the Atlanta area (and even the 1,400 Braves fans who will attend tonight's game): Zoo Atlanta- does that sound oddly European to anyone else?- is crazy close to Turner Field. Check it in the pic below- only a mile away. ZWR's suggestion: leave work early, head to the zoo (it closes at 5:30), nom some funnel cake while looking at big cats, and then watch Roy Halladay be all, "Oh, I will in fact tread on you" to the Braves hitters in ending this little skid. To that last point, who isn't supremely confident that's exactly what Roy will do? Dominant opener -> out-deuling another ace ->  face-breaking home debut -> put a halt to a losing streak. It just follows. Thank you in advance, Doc.

Oh, and don't forget to pepper @bravesorganist with hip song suggestions. 

Moving On

First Willie Harris, now Yunel Escobar--I have to say, I'm quite impressed with the National League East. When queried the task of facing Roy Halladay tonight, the Braves shortstop paused for a moment, and then slowly responded:
Mist clogs the sunshine.
Smoky dwarf houses
Hem me round everywhere;
A vague dejection
Weighs down my soul.
Yet, while I languish,
Everywhere countless
Prospects unroll themselves,
And countless beings
Pass countless moods.

Well there you go.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


ZWR reader, enthusiast, and artist Jacki sent in an MS Paint of our hero, which was a pretty big deal since I'm kind of the internet's foremost expert on non-fancypants drawings of Roy Halladay. It would be like someone mailing Duchamp a urinal. Wait... eh, nevermind. Oh and what made it even more tremendous was that she sent it at 2AM, and was at least partially drunked (so she says, but it's a win/win no matter how you look at it because the thing's amazing) when doing so. Now you'll notice I had to "edit" this a bit. We're not book burners here at ZWR by any measure, and I'm all for people cursing actually, I just needed to, you know... for the kids and whatnot. I mean, it's a bolg about going to the zoo, people. I think I over-explained that. On to it.

How great is this?!

It's... about... to go... down

While I wouldn't consider bringing anyone else along to the zoo with Roy Halladay, if I had to pick someone it would be Jay-Z.

Why? Because then we could use the HOV lane!

Cops wanna knock me, D.A. wanna box me in
 But somehow, I beat that speedin' ticket like Rocky
 H to the izzO, V to the lizzane

Monday, April 19, 2010

I Want to Comment on Zoo-Related Phillies Promotions

Kerri was kind enough to share the following video, which features the "Zooperstars" dancing at the Phanatic's birthday. Zoo? Animals dancing? The Phanatic? Yes, please to all three. Here goes:

Additionally, ZWR favorite and super-brainiac Mabel sent along this pic of Ken Giraffee Jr (who, not surprisingly, seemed to have injured himself):

Combine these with the Phillies and zoo working together to promote the latter's Creatures of Habitat exhibit and we had ourselves an entertaining little homestand to start things out. I approve.

A Nerd Bonanza

So as a courtesy I have an advanced copy of the story NPR is going to be running about the bolg. They did a fair job, I think. Look for it on Morning Edition and All Things Considered in the next week or so.

From NPR member station WVPS in Burlington, Vermont Emily Weldhelm reports: is just your run of the mill sports fan blog... that is, your run of the mill sports blog if you like amateurish, childlike drawings, groundless videos, and a dizzying array of non sequiturs. Founded in January, Zoo With Roy, or "ZWR" as its legions of fans like to refer to it, has spun up quite a bit of interest, all surrounding one simple, if not surreal, thought: a man wanting to go to the zoo with Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Roy Halladay.

(VOICE OVER, Phillies coach) "I've never seen anything like it."

Milton Thompson isn't alone. With the anticipation of Major League Baseball's biggest offseason acquisition's arrival reaching, to pardon the pun, a fevered pitch this winter, a life-long Philadelphia fan (they like to refer to themselves as "Fightin Phils", echoing the long-distant images of Sylvester Stallone's famed cinematic pugilist Rocky Balboa and owing to the city's notorious blue collar roots) took a rather unique step in declaring, publically, his wish for the simple outing. And it seems to have resonated. At a pre-game cocktail party before the Phillies home opener against the Washington Nationals, one fan- wearing a ZWR shirt reading the site slogan of "So Cuttered"- summed up the prevailing sentiment:

(VOICE OVER, Fan) "Yeah, I don't get it. But I like it- I mean, it's funny, and in a deep down way totally true. Who wouldn't want to go to the zoo with Roy Halladay? And why can't we just tell people about it?"

A fair question, even if asked by a man drinking his spirits from a jug.

Whether it ever comes to pass remains to be seen, but a few miles from the Walt Whitman bridge, in a South Philadelphia parking lot, we are reminded of the great poet's words: “Simplicity is the glory of expression”.

Reporting from Philadelphia, I'm Emily Weldhelm, WVPS

Saturday, April 17, 2010

So Roy Halladay Pitched Yesterday (4.16.10 vs. Marlins), PLUS pictures!

The results:

8 IP
2 ER
4 K's (2 Cuttered, 2 SO CUTTERED)
0 BB
1 Phils victory, Roy now 3-0

It's only been three games and already we're running out of adjectives and original ways to describe Roy's every fifth day. Roy basically dominated the Marlins last night, cruising through eight efficient, rain-soaked innings. He did allow a solo homer to the Marlins' slick-fielding meathead Dan Uggla, but other that he was great. Roy threw 100 pitches, 70 of which were strikes. Ho hum, another day at the office.

Halladay's ERA now sits at a ridiculous 1.16 on the year, and his GROwl, according to my super computing algorithmic capacitor (a circa 1996 TI-82), is actually approaching UNDEFINED. We could really get used to (and spoiled by) this. Thank heavens there is a bolg around to document this sort of thing for posterity.


It was only a matter of time until one of these made an appearance. Here's a scoreboard picture of Roy with a Lego polar bear--these are part of a sponsorship that the Philadelphia Zoo has with the Phils, and frankly we can't think of a more perfect corporate sponsor for Roy's gigantic game face. Thanks to Michelle O'Malley and BaseballLadies over at Chicks Dig the Long Ball for the submission!

This is no mere coincidence, people.

And finally, this ZWR EXCLUSIVE, face-breaking picture of Roy peering into an animal cage through the batting practice screen was sent by Andy from Andy is a professional sports photographer out of Austin, Texas, and a huge Phillies fan. Go check out his site, the guy knows a thing or two about sports photography.

Click the pic for full-size face-breakage

Friday, April 16, 2010

O, Hai Marlins

Reader-generated Content: Roy's 150th Win in Houston

Reader Hunkie McDreamie (audible groan) posted this face-breaking video to the official ZWR Facebook fan page earlier today. You should all watch it. No, go ahead. Watch it now.

ZWR is a multimedia empire, and we love fan generated content for the bolg. Not just because it's awesome and we have the greatest and hippest and most talented (if not possibly unstable) readers in the world, but also because it means we can afford to be less original and creative from time to time. It's really a win-win. We get a lot of stuff sent in, so don't be a sad if your creation doesn't appear on the bolg right away. Keep sending it. We'll get to it. Some day. Maybe. We love pictures, too.

One Name Post, Oddly Enough Eight Word Title

It's common knowledge that I'm basically the biggest soccer authority in the West. I mean, I watched that game when Tony Meola and the US beat I think Colombia and then that guy got shot for tipping the ball into his own net and was so excited (not about the dude getting janked) I bought a pair of Umbros. Oh and I bought FIFA 94 for my Genesis. Big time. Anyway, so I caught a few minutes of the game last night, which allowed me to see and appreciate my favorite Union, Fred. I know, right? Fred! That- and nothing else I assure you- got me to thinking: which Phillies player would have the hippest moniker? Assume it'd be the first name. You automatically go Raul, because it's fun to say, and just terribly cool. But there's something so deliciously blunt to one syllable (you think I'm steering you to Roy but I'm honestly not). Jimmy could be the most apropos, or is that just because we know all that makes up Jimmy? This one has layers beneath the surface behind the cover, yo. Discuss. No, really, use the comments if you'd like. I'm curious.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Halladay Prediction Contest Winner/Yo An Awesome MS Paint

You're probably sensing this by now, but Roy's got quite the (dare I say silly?) personality at the zoo. It's fun.

In Memoriam

Something transpired earlier this week that ZWR has not until now mentioned. We're not typically mushy or sentimental about things like this, but after some soul searching we felt that enough time had passed, and the topic was important enough, that it deserved a dedicated post here on the good ol' bolg. So it's with a heavy heart and a chin up that we report to you, dear readers, that earlier this week a monumental transformation occurred. You may not even have noticed it, and it didn't receive (in our opinion) enough coverage in the local media, but nonetheless it doesn't change the tremendous impact of what took place.

Some time early Monday morning, ZWR dropped its ".blogspot" URL moniker...

If you notice, we are now just It's a lot to take in, I know. And I also know what you're thinking: How? What will you do now? How is this bolg even functioning without the help of free and ubiquitous Google technology?! Will there still be MS Paints?!! But rest assured, we consulted with some of the greatest internet and bolg hosting minds of the 20th century on this (the snarky help forum members at 1and1 hosting) and we somehow managed to situate the smoke and mirrors just well enough to make it work. But still, .blogspot was good to us. We shared a lot since the bolg's founding on that cold and snowy late January morning. Dot-blogspot was good to us, and served us well. And although trite, it's true in this case--it was more about us than them. We needed room to grow. Expand our horizons. We needed a platform to sell more t-shirts. So it's onward and upward for ZooWithRoy, and there's no turning back.

However, that doesn't mean we can't pay tribute to dot-blogspot and the times we shared. To do so, we present the seventy second video below.

In case you're wondering, yes, that's a Korean a capella group doing a SPOT-ON rendition of Boyz II Men's It's So Hard to Say Goodbye. And Puffy dancing around in the rain. Sometimes backwards.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


The man is a human balloon animal hat. 

Thanks to Dash & Todd via Twitter

Tug McGraw Foundation Event

ZWR is happy to pass along info of an event being held by our friends at the Tug McGraw Foundation later this month, against MLB's version of charity- the Mets! We all know what Tug meant, and the power of the message, so if you're able please participate. At the very least, spread the word. Thank you.

Here- A Rhino

I say I can't draw one and everyone's all "OMG WE WANT RHINOS!" Thankfully BP came through with something quite fancy (and adultish Roger Rabbity) for us all. Yay.

This rhino must have been drinking. FROM A JUG.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Another ZWR Shirt Sighting

It appears we've captured the white guys drinking beer in parking lots demographic pretty sensationally.

makes your abs look so cuttered

Opener, Penguins, Pandas (How Can I Explain It?)

Not only is I Want to Go to the Zoo with Roy Halladay the world's preeminent bolg about wanting to go to the zoo with Roy Halladay, it also features- as a bonus- the world's best fans of a bolg about some donkey wanting to go to the zoo with Roy Halladay. And so, in view of the below cases in point from yesterday's opener, where in the midst of enjoying a Phils win (and the pre-game festivities) on an amazing day they saw to it to send in some hilarious/cool pictures (and updates via Twitter), we thank you.

First up is recent all-star fan loctastic, booze-hounding it in some dapper attire in Lot K, yo. Seriously, this cat's drinking beer from a jug. FROM A JUG.

Placet experiri

The crazy bastard also tried to photo-bomb the Phanavision camera guy and apparently started telling random team employees about his shirt, which I of course whole-heartedly support. Neither of those were likely related to the fact that he spent his post-breakfast hours drinking beer FROM A JUG.

What's that? You overheard some of the youngsters on South Street talking about how the ladies love ZWR? Well they do! Two of my favorites are Meghan and Kelly Christine, who just so happened to be awesomebrains enough to snap pictures of polar bears on the big screen while Shane Victorino was batting. (Heather W also buzzed me about this. So did Ryan Lawrence, but it was hard to tell because he was all cool guy cryptic and spelled a bunch of words wrong. Heather's was way better.)

How can you not love this?

And then there are those things that need no introduction.

Credit to Jayson Werth's Beard (and a nod for another view of the same pic from Kat)

So keep it up, males and females.

In case you wondering where to find such fashion-forward and revolutionary apparel as featured above in the picture where the guy is drinking FROM A JUG, click here

Breaking: Rollins Injury Update

ZWR sources indicate that Phillies shortstop Jimmy Rollins only suffered a mild strain to his swag, and that the team doesn't expect it to severely impact his flow.

photo courtesy of the internet

Monday, April 12, 2010

So Roy Halladay Pitched Yesterday (4.11.10 vs. Astros)

Ho-hum everyday things that happened yesterday:
  1. I ate CrunchBerries.
  2. NAG NAG NAG bought a new sectional.
  3. * Roy Halladay pitched a complete game, giving up no earned runs, throwing only 111 pitches (Roy Oswalt threw 114 in six innings), and walking nobody. All that, and he only gave up five fly balls- after allowing three against Washington. It was dominating with a subtext of relatively easy, Astros skill level of "butt" notwithstanding.
The whole notion of wanting to go to the zoo with him aside, Roy is already believably unbelievable. I find it interesting that yesterday's performance, while drawing the accolades it rightly deserved, didn't elicit the ZOINKS, zOMG, or WOOOT!!! buzz a pitching performance like that generally would. Is it possible that by only the second game of the regular season we've become spoiled? Probably.

See, that doesn't even resonate with a thump. He's that good. So there you go. Roy Halladay pitched one of the best baseball games you'll see yesterday.
If you don't believe Roy was that good, click here to read more about how face-breaking he actually was.

Money quote:

Yesterday, Roy Halladay pitched one of the most dominant games in history.

Those poor Astros. | Getty Images

I want you all to read this, because it's incredibly intelligent and beautifully written. AND she managed to end with a "cuttered", kind of like Joyce making sure the last word in Ulysses is "Yes":

Kudos to our favorite potentially unstable poster, Heathcliff Slocumb (see the post this past weekend with the pictures from opening day. What? Oh, right, here's the link), on basically nailing yesterday's prediction contest. As the winner, he gets to pick which animal gets MS Painted next. (Note to HS: dude I can't draw rhinos!)

The Time Was Passed So Pleasantly

I like a line in a song so I made a video about this all around it. The idea of summer fits nicely with baseball, too. Credit to Belle & Sebastian...

ZWR- Not A Wasted Summer from Zoo With Roy on Vimeo.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

On the Big Screen

Mike Wallace: ZWR, do you like scoreboard pictures?

ZWR: Motherducker (they high five), you know I do!

So Ryan Lawrence, in between a Shiner run and trying to get some free retro Astros gear at the game last night, sent in the following. All I can say is "wow" (and man that's a photoshopportunity). The Astros sure do stink, but at least they know how to enter into promotional agreements with worthwhile entities.

Know who else did (and maybe still does I don't know yet)? Your Philadelphia Phillies! Awesomehead ZWR reader phillygirl17 sent this bucket of "yes, please" in shortly after the t-shirt mooch did.

You guys rule. Keep it up.

How great is it that beat writers are sending in photos from games? I approve of this trend, and encourage it continue.

Saturday, April 10, 2010


Potentially insane, yet inimitably lovable, reader Heatcliff Slocumb sent in an opening day grab bag of fun, inclusive of a ZWR tee-shirt picture, some MS Paint, and a Metro map with a panda on it (oh and a full-on two page report that I can't yet post because I don't know how to turn MS Word into bolg but want to get up here). There really isn't any way that I can think of to introduce and/or explain this, so I'm just gonna let y'all have at it. Man his shirt is nice. Enjoy.


Yes, please!!!

Roy Halladay v. Astros Predictions; Best Prize Ever. Stuff.

No, really, send them in... despite the Astros' awesomeness. Let's simplify the format and guidelines for this one, though. I mean, it is the weekend and you all are heading to your respective zoos and animal parks at some point.

Use: (IP, ER, WHIP, C, SC, OMGs). No poems... I don't want you falling into routines. You can do: Paint, Photoshops of Kevin Bass, and/or screenplay dialogue. Whoever nails it gets to pick the next animal used in a ZWR MS Paint.

I'm adorable, yo

NAG NAG NAG is from Houston. Last night, while paying some secondary attention to the game (or should I say in taking a break from her April edition of Redbook), she looked up after an Astros hit and said, "Dude, you just got Keppinger'd!" I laughed. Love the spirit.

The Happopotamus saw his GROwL surge last night. Let's BABIP Cole and regress Happ and do whatever we need to do to make intellectually honest arguments, I'm all for it. But at the same time, I like shut-out innings and wins and will happily (unintentional) take them when I get them w/o talking myself out of the enjoyment. It's a game we love folks, so love it.

Lastly, wait until you see tonight's Moyer gif.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Hard to Believe, Harry

Kyle Kendrick is the margarine of bearded pitchers.

Holy Butt

Yo, we had our biggest (site traffic) day ever yesterday. By a lot. Though the international acclaim/bolg celebrity are of course, and must remain, peripheral to the end goal of going to the zoo with Roy Halladay... I'd be remiss if I failed note that all of the support and kind words that have come our way are heartwarming, and refreshing (omg like a water ice on a July day by the Reptile Exercise Yard).

I appreciate and thank all of you.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Welcome City Paper's (and 700 Level's!) Millions of Daily Readers

This is what we're all about.

Hello. And welcome to another Zoo With Roy tome. Don't be alarmed. Take a deep breath and allow your senses to take it all in. I know, it's a lot to behold. In the event that this is your first visit to our little corner of internet, allow myself to give you the Cliff's notes version of what's going on here.

Simply put, this is a blog about wanting to go to the zoo with Roy Halladay. We also post about baseball and other stuff and generally break people's faces with uproarious laughter-inducing bolg posts, photoshops, brilliant writing and MS Paints. Oh yes, the MS Paints. Try and find them all, it's like a treasure hunt.

To help you find your way around, I've gone ahead and pulled what I feel are the most important bolg posts for you to get up to speed on our short but epic history. Did you know that we made it to the Sweet 16 of The Phield? We beat out some lady sportswriter and another website called We Can and Should One Day In Fact Be Professional Administrators of a Major League Baseball Team.

I'm not really sure, frankly, because we don't really read other Phillies bolgs. However, we do align ourselves with the Fightins as often as possible, and I swear it's not just because they have a billion daily readers and they're now the most famous Phillies website in the universe not run by Todd Zolecki. So anyway, browse around, or make a joke about Ryan Lawrence of the Delaware County Times in the comments.
  1. The Mission Statement - ah yes, where it all began.
  2. Roy Halladay's Almost Convincing Anthropomorphism - this one rules the school
  3. An MS Paint comic about Jayson Werth meeting Roy Halladay for the first time
  4. OMFG Jayson Werth's beard is epic
  5. The ZWR Value Proposition
  6. Steamboat Wertzy - Our award-winning foray into the world of animated shorts
  7. Shameless self promotion for The Phield - this one has an face-breaking video, you should watch it
Wow, that was a lot harder than I thought. All our bolg posts could be on this list, quite frankly. But thanks a million for stopping by. I hope you enjoyed yourself and managed to click an ad while doing so.

We're also on Twitter and Facebook. But not Bebo or Black Planet, sorry. We just don't have the internal resources to manage all that. Maybe someday. The internet is hard work.

Oh, and we also have a store with t-shirts.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

I Want to Go to the Zoo with Roy, but I Still Love Cole

Just Kidding Placido We Love You!


Well this is unfortunate. I got an email last night, after American Idol ended, from Willie Harris. It seems he was misquoted in yesterday's SRHPY piece. Rather than paraphrase, I'll simply include what he sent along:

Whattup? It's Willie. Love the site, but got one thing you need to fix. Your boy Zolecki totally got my answer wrong- you know, about facing Roy Halladay. What I actually said was, "April is the cruelest month, breeding lilacs out of the dead land, mixing memory and desire, stirring dull roots with spring rain. Winter kept us warm, covering Earth in forgetful snow". Now I know Eliot's popular this time of year and all, but still. Anyway, it's all good. Oh, and tell that other reporter, the dude in the Northwestern club tie, to stop peaking in people's lockers and lifting shirts. Northwestern print won't ever be Syracuse broadcast if people are acting like that.
So there you have it.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

So Roy Halladay Pitched Yesterday (4.5.10 vs. Natinals)

This photo of Roy being excellent is from Getty Images.

Willie Harris, when asked of facing Roy Halladay, recounts dolefully a section of verse from A.E. Housman:

Yonder see the morning blink:
The sun is up, and up must I,

To wash and dress and eat and drink
And look at things and talk and think
And work, and God knows why.

I'm not one for overselling things, but yesterday was basically perfect.

Roy's first outing with the good guys qualifies as "Efficient, Phillies Roy", largely because--and this is relatively simplistic, I confess--he didn't have to throw eleventy five pitches and carry a donkey patrol. Welcome!

There were a host of factors at play, and admittedly one of those is that the Natinals stink, but let's face the facts, folks: our offense is ridiculous, and so is Doc. Seven innings, nine Ks--3 CUTTERED/6 SOCUTTERED--one run (nice fist pump, Zimmerman), 1.14 WHIP, and only 88 pitches (59 of them for strikes). And it looked easy. And he had an RBI! This is going to be a fun season.


Now that picture right there, people... THAT, is how you properly rock a SOCUTTERED t-shirt.

Special thanks to ZWR zealot Stu for sending in this pic. Feel free to send us other pictures of ZWR t-shirts spotted in action, or other awesome stuff like pictures from opening day or your junior prom at okthxbai!

It's so good I'm posting it twice.

First Ever ZWR Time Capsule Results!

And now, the long-anticipated results of the first ever Zoo With Roy Time Capsule! Remember... all of these were written last week. Argue over the winner in the comments!

Jacopo Belbo went with haikus (four of them):
Roy, Rocket Right Arm
Batter After Batter Is
Cutterered In Shame

Spring. Opening Day.
Fresh Grass And Fastballs Abound
Roy Takes The Mound. Tears.

Obama First Pitch?Roy Will Show Him How It's Done.
High Heat And Cutter.

Penguins At The GameWatching Roy's Pitches Fly
They Soar, While They Don't.

F*** the Mets of The Fightins is very optimistic:
IP: 9

ER: 1
K: 10
BB: 2
WHIP: 0.66
GHEY K's: 3

Chris also sent in a haiku...
CG in DC
4 cuttereds 3 so cuttereds
watch the panda sneeze

"Chuckiejeep" has Steve Smith sending a guy who hasn't reached third yet on Vlad confidence:

9 innings pitch, 27 strikeouts, 80 TOTAL pitches, (yeah he's that good)

Jamie, aka Steve Jeltz, says:
The Nationals are about to get SO CUTTERED, but at least they know this.
7 Innings. 7 K's. 4 Cuttered. 3 SO Cuttered. Zero BB.
Phils win 4 - 1. Thanks - I love your work. (ZWR: No, thank you!)

ZWR Super fan loctastic:
Halladay - 7 2/3 IP, 9K (3C, 2SC), 1BB, 6H, 1ER
Rollins hits a HR
Phils win 7-2

3 #cuttered, 3 #socuttered, one earned run, one walk (that damn Zimmerman!), and the all-important "W" to begin the season.

WIN. Eight innings, 8 Ks (4 cuttered, 4 so cuttered), + .89 GROwL percentage points

ZWR's Corporate Director of Facebook Branding Initiatives Max:
4 cuttered, 3 so cuttered


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...