Monday, June 14, 2010

The One Where "Donkeysplat" and "Assgile" Become Part of Our Lexicon

Two just simply amazing emails came in over the course of the last day, and they need to be shared. The first is from former ZWR In the Wild contributor Jessica, who basically captures the spirit of the bolg perfectly:
OK so my sister Molly came to visit and we went to the Denver Zoo today, ROY'S HOME ZOO!!  We thought that maybe visiting Roy's home Zoo would inspire the Phillies to start scoring more runs than their opponents, and we were so excited. We got to watch penguins eat and they thought our ZWR shirts were so cool! Then we saw some paintings by elephants and one of them was called "Donkeysplat", which is sooooo funny because that's kind of what the Phillies have been playing like lately! 
We thought it would be a silly coincidence if Roy's home Zoo had a Red Panda... and it had two!!  So we said hi and told them that their cousin, Sir Perfect McPoptart of Cutterham, had been adopted and was being taken care of very well and had millions of new friends. I kind of wanted to borrow one from the Zoo to set it loose in the Rockies locker room so the players and that donkey Jim Tracy would have to forfeit the rest of the season because they couldn't stop staring at the adorable Red Panda.  When we left the Zoo we found out that the Phillies won and were all ZOMG because my sister's favorite player Wertz even stole 2 bases!!  So I think more bolg readers need to start going to zoos in their ZWR shirts.

The second, well, I'm just going to let you read this thing. It's from the illustrious Jim Tracy gifter Dave's buddy Sanyo (and slightly edited for the kids):
Srsly eff fan Dave, Jim tracys spam filled chin, Ryan spillbogs, Todd heltons gunt 
So I enjoy your pictures and reading material to the point that I spend more time getting hemorrhoids on the (crapper) at work than actually getting work done. And my friend Dave who is really a slut who likes baseball really seemed to have done something good for once in his life when he sent the shirt to Jim Tracy. But he ordered the shirt on 5/14 and presumably it got delivered around Monday 5/17, the last 2+ game winning streak for phillies, and the last highest offensive output... Since then they have gone 8-16... 
Utley may be the key reason for the slump, going 14 for 85 (.165) with only four RBIs and extra base hits, but I will blame Dave and zwr for this (poop)
Look for the phillies to take the division lead back on July 26 when they end a home series against the Rockies. But that is stringent on one of u assgiles sneaking into the Rockies locker room and taking back your voodoo (poop)
So I make the call for someone to, instead of throwing up or getting electrocuted or feeding horsepiss to babies, steal the shirt off of Andres Galarragas' batboy son's back (or whoever is rocking that otherwise overpriced shirt).

Yeah, I got nothing to follow that.


  1. I never before realized that EVERYONE HAS A HOME ZOO. Still shaking my head over that.

    You should do a "what would you do to inspire the Phillies to hit more runs" contest.

  2. Wait wait wait WAIT

    How is "assgiles" pronounced? Ass-gills or ass-gill-es? The latter should have a wacky character over the last e, but I don't know how to make that accent stuff show up here.

    This is important, for historical purposes, of course.

  3. I assume it's pronounced how it would be if the word had not been invented via typo, with the same pronunciation.

  4. Out here in San Diego that last couple years the fans would all yell "You're an ass, Giles!" at either or both of the brothers. Is that how it's pronounced?

  5. Interesting. In my head, I've been pronouncing it ass - guile(s).

  6. this guy is an assgile, a very superstitious one at that, what is this clown talking about? let him keep the shirt, spread the zwr love.

  7. That email from Jessica just warms the cockles.

    And if assgiles was a typo, then what the f-bomb was that supposed to say? *looks at keyboard, slaps forehead*

  8. @Anon.. look to the right of the "g" and the right of the "i"

  9. i think "assgiles" should be pronounced with three syllables and a latin american accent: ass-HEEL-ays

  10. ZOMG I like Anon's suggestion.

  11. Agreed, ass-HEEL-ays is what I'll be using in my day to day conversations.

  12. Sanyo - Jordan Strauss is watching you.


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