Saturday, July 31, 2010

White Guys Continue to Love Wertz Shirt and ---> Justin

So the Phils took on the Natinals last night, and while the results on the field were a big bucket of a fail, the evening was not without its bright spots.

s-dot-dougherty sends in the following photo of "----> Justin" and his buddy from Nats park last night. Check these two out as they successfully complete the eleventy-five cool points Cuttered/So Cuttered exacta:

<--- Justin
Immediately following this picture, these donkeys sang a Righteous Brothers tune to an unsuspecting female

Oh, look!

Here are Maverick and Goose again, this time seen at a post-game party with the girl they sang to in the bar, the three of them completing the Cuttered/Cuttered/So Cuttered trifecta:

And of course, because we've now gone completely through the looking glass, John submits via Twitter this screenshot of his picture of those two having their picture taken.

Think about that for a second. I'm not sure what this means, but it's somehow awesome and entirely appropriate:

At least he didn't print out the screenshot of the picture, photocopy it, scan it back in, and then e-mail it.


Yes, please. Also, that poster rules.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Wuzzup- Domonate That Cuttered Eat Shift Shirt So It Don't Stink To Be You

Roy... the Oswalt trade... an eleventyfive game winning streak... Exxon Valdez walking fools off... and now THIS!

Free standard shipping on all ZWR shirts all weekend long. Use the code FREEWEEKEND at checkout

Thursday, July 29, 2010

ZWR Press Conference: Big Roy Oswalt Announcement (Roy Oswalt)

So Roy Halladay Pitched Yesterday (7.28.10 vs. Diamondbacks)


My feelings upon retrospection of how Roy pitched last night are more tightly bound with relevance and impact than a simile that "like likes" a painstakingly apt metaphor. But we must quantify these days, emotion reserved for the poets and coffee shop discussion ("Ginsberg over ginseng, so funny I could howl!").

To the GROwL:

Sporting! While on the topic, a guest email, from Akon [a big fan, whose input I value, though ever the master at separating feelings from duty (I believe you just bore witness to that!) I did not factor into the ratings] :

"I feel you creepin', I can see you from my shadow. Wanna jump up and play catch with Yovani Gallardo."

Roy. Ah, yes. He improved upon his 7 to 1 K/BB ratio, lowered his 2.28 ERA, and brought right back to the surface with Wednesday night's despair all of the sad feelings that have been haunting Diamondback hitters since that night by the magnolia tree. Look on the bright side, guys, it can only get better moving on.

In other news:

Check out his first hit, in this incredible vertically shaped video:

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

An MS Paint Tribute to Domonic Brown (Domonic Brown), feat. Domonic Brown

Seen below, Phils right fielding, number-9-wearing rookie sensation and NL Rookie of Year MVP candidate Domonic Brown is strong at the plate, smart in the field, blazing on the bases, and smooth with the ladies. Domonic Brown.

He's (Domonic Brown) also big on Twitter.

Click to view full size Domonic Brown!

Frequently Asked Question

Q: BUT ZWR, WILL THERE BE A (Domonic Brown) T-SHIRT? THERE'S ALWAYS A T-SHIRT (until that one time when there wasn't!)

A: Shutup! Scroll down!

Yes, it is also available in brown.

And, I didn't consult my lawyer on this, so, you know.

Nothing to Be Done

The Wertzgator's home run last night may just have signaled a thaw in the icy relationship betwixt he and mancrush. Perchance...?

WERTZ: No no, after you.

CHASE: No no, you first.

WERTZ: I interrupted you.

CHASE: On the contrary.

They glare at each other angrily.

WERTZ: Ceremonious ape!

CHASE: Punctilious pig!

WERTZ: Finish your phrase, I tell you!

CHASE: Finish your own!

Silence. They draw closer, halt.

WERTZ: Moron!

CHASE: That's the idea, let's abuse each other.

They turn, move apart, turn again and face each other.

WERTZ: Moron!

CHASE: Vermin!

WERTZ: Abortion!

CHASE: Morpion!

WERTZ: Sewer-rat!

CHASE: Curate!

WERTZ: Cretin!

CHASE: (with finality). Trade bait!


He wilts, vanquished, and turns away.

CHASE: Now let's make it up.



WERTZ: Your hand!

CHASE: Take it! Gently!

WERTZ: Come to my arms!

CHASE: Yours arms?

WERTZ: My breast!

CHASE: Off we go!

They embrace. They separate. Silence.

WERTZ: How time flies when one has fun!


CHASE: What do we do now?

WERTZ: While waiting.

CHASE: While waiting.

WERTZ: We could do our exercises.

CHASE: Our movements.

WERTZ: Our elevations.

CHASE: Our relaxations.

WERTZ: Our elongations.

CHASE: Our relaxations.

WERTZ: To warm us up.

CHASE: To calm us down.

WERTZ: Off we go.

Jimmy Rollins Injury Update

Last night after the game Jimmy Rollins alleviated concerns about his injured left foot when he told The Inquirer's Matt Gelb, who exclusively told ZWR:
"Let's travel at magnificent speeds around the Universe
What could ya say as the Earth gets further and further away
Planets are small as balls of clay
Astray into the Milky Way - world's outasight
Far as the eye can see - not even a satellite
Now stop and turn around and look
As ya stare in the darkness, ya knowledge is took!
So keep starin soon ya suddenly see a star
You better follow it cause it's the R"
Postscript! Bonus footage of J-Roll analyzing a Jay-Z lyric

Postscript! J-Roll Doing His Impression of Rickey Henderson

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

When Roy Voyaged to the Arctic in Pursuit of the Majestic Narwhal

ZWR In The Wild, (More) Donkey Nation with Roy

Here's ZWR enthusiast Rudy with a Phillies ballgirl (Kami) who's dressed in Christmas clothes. Like, really, that's what's happening in this picture. They both look very nice. I have no backstory. Oh- both are wearing sunglasses. I like his shirt quite a bit; it's a good look. I'd probably not go with an undershirt in the heat, but that's just me.


Oh, and here's Justin, with Roy Halladay. In his ZMail, our J-Bird was kind enough to instruct that "I'm the one on the right, Halladay's on the left." Thanks!

<- Roy    -> Justin

Monday, July 26, 2010

The Endless Debate, with Arthur Schopenhauer

The time ZWR sat down for coffee with Arthur Schopenhauer and got him to offer his opinion on a topic of debate amongst certain Phillies fans.
ZWR: Good Morning, Art!

AS: Hello. Big fan, by the way. I loved that bit you did about Dr. Seuss.

ZWR: Oh, thanks! That was a ways ago.

AS: I know. I'm retro.

ZWR: Very quickly, as I know you're busy. There's been a lot of debate amongst the Phillies blogosphere and twitterverse...

AS: Pardon?

ZWR: Dork stuff.

AS: Ahhhhh, yes, of it I know all too well. I mean, I did live in Weimar! (He laughs)

[Fist bump!]

ZWR: Anyway, folks are getting nasty with this whole stats vs. not-stats thing. What are your thoughts? Are you a Sabermetrician? Old school? Combo guard?

AS: Like Mookie Blaylock?

ZWR: Dude you rule.

AS: My boy, opinion is like a pendulum and obeys the same law. If it goes past the centre of gravity on one side, it must go a like distance on the other; and it is only after a certain time that it finds the true point at which it can remain at rest.

So Roy Halladay Pitched, and Took A Lot of Pictures, this Weekend (awesomeness)

So Roy threw 8 scoreless Friday evening. 9Ks, 1 walk, blah blah blah so cuttered, faces broke, donkeys, obligatory MS Paint animation, etc...

But then, on Saturday, Roy broke even more faces by appearing in pictures with Phillies fans. Fortunately for me (and you), many of said fans happened to be ZWR readers (and patrons).



ZWR Reader Stacy, shown here modeling the shirt Fox made famous (pre-MLBPA edition)

Roy, Stacy, and some other donkey (note: not wearing ZWR shirt)

Ryan Madson laughing at Stacy's shirt, which does in fact rule.
Ryan Madson thinks I'm hilarious.
Ryan Madson hasn't read the softball post.

According to Stacy, Jimmy Rollins read the shirt and said, "That's good!!" Thanks Jimmy, I like your work too.

A huge thanks to Stacy and Elizabeth for sending in these pictures! If anyone else was at photo day this weekend, send pics to the Z-mail up in the menu bar

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Holy Butt! (the time ZWR's shirt was featured on Fox)

I don't even know what to say. This all continues to amaze me...

Friday, July 23, 2010

Rime of the Ancient Ex-Mariner

It is an ancient Mariner,
And he hitteth one of four.
`By thy long grey beard and glittering eye,
We ask however more?

He holds him with his skinny hand,
"There was a stretch," quoth he.
`Hold off! unhand me, grey-beard loon!'
Eftsoons his hand dropped he.

He holds him with his glittering eye -
The bolging guest stood still,
And listens like a three years' child:
The Mariner hath his will.

The bolging guest sat on a stone:
He cannot choose but hear;
And thus spake on that ancient man,
The bright-eyed Mariner.

"The team was cheered, the field was cleared,
Merrily did we drop
I hitteth well, but fate befell,
And the hitting it doth stop"

The sun came up upon the left,
Out of Reading came he!
And he shone bright, though Ruben's right
Stayed down not challenge me.

Higher and higher every day,
Till over the mast at noon -"
The bolging guest here beat his breast,
For he heard the loud bassoon.

The bolging guest he beat his breast,
Yet he cannot choose but hear;
And thus spake on that ancient man,
The bright-eyed Mariner.

"And now to Lehigh Valley came, and he
Was tyrannous and strong:
He struck with his o'ertaking swings,
And chased me along.

With sloping masts and dipping prow,
As who pursued with yell and blow
Still treads the shadow of his foe,
And foward bends his head,
The home runs stopped, OPS dropped,
And southward aye we fled.

And a good south wind sprung up behind;
The whispers all did follow,
And every day, with each bad play,
Came to the mariner's hollo!

`God save thee, ancient Mariner,
From the fiends that plague thee thus! -
Why look'st thou so?' -"Bolging fellow
I am the Albatross."

Uncle Milt

the sadness

Never forget

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The Phillies As Your Company’s Softball Team

Those of you who've played rec or work league softball can attest to the myriad of characters one comes across when donning the $45 cleats you bought at Modell's the night before your first game because you forgot all about it and mesh cap. It's often a spectacle--as much sociology experiment as athletic endeavor.

Below, in all of its glory, is what you get when I briefly observe/examine those folks in tangential relation to our hometown (albeit struggling) heroes.

The Phillies as Your Company's Softball Team - A Definitive Guide

Shane is Diving Guy. Diving Guy is special in that he's simultaneously amusing and maddening. Ever aggressive, this sometimes-knucklehead is known for haphazardly launching himself after balls he easily could have caught had he not been staring at the girl on the beach chair watching the game over at field three when it was hit. He has been known to wear soccer socks to aid in sliding across the outfield grass after laying out for a gapper (that was actually only hit four feet to his right). He’ll also sometimes morph into Doesn’t-Know-The-Rules Guy, due to his severe ADD and questionable IQ; forgetting to tag up, not knowing how many outs there are, throwing to the wrong base, etc… you know what I’m talking about.

Cole is marketing intern that showed up to the first game wearing a brand new pair of incredibly obnoxious Oakleys and garish board shorts. You give him a lot of grief, but not too much because you know there’s a lot of talent beneath the easy-to-make-fun-of exterior.

Raul is old guy that wears his 1992 league champion tee and three knee braces. He couldn’t run well even when he was in his prime, and now he’s slowed to a glacial pace. The thing is, he’s too proud to accept a pinch runner, and you respect him so you don’t want to embarrass him in front of the team. He’s a really nice guy too, a softball lifer—so you just don't have the heart to put him in right center or bat him last in the lineup as an extra hitter.

He’s the guy that made senior management before 30, has a hot wife, and drives a company BMW. He’d be so easy to hate, if he weren’t so incredibly awesome in every possible way. Despite being the best player on your team (rumor has it he played D-1 shortstop, but no one will ask him), he has no ego to speak of. He’s funny in a self-deprecating manner, he buys the team beers, and you just know that he’d be up for a boys night out at the strip club, if he weren’t so hopelessly committed to his faithful (and did I mention incredibly hot) wife. He’s your truest man crush.

He’s the potentially insane and somewhat intimidating stoner that works in the warehouse because he gets to wear jeans and a t-shirt to work. You never really talk to him while on the job, but know he has connections... all kinds of connections. And, he’s a lot better at softball than he looks. The first time he threw a ball from the outfield you were all, “Dude, where did that come from?” For some reason, he also seems to quietly be a favorite of the wives and girlfriends in attendance. You’re not really sure what’s up with that. Once, he forgot his cleats and played a whole double header in flip flops… and went 8 for 11 with three triples. Oh, and he never remembers your name.

Ross Gload
Gload is the angry meathead who, despite not playing much or being all that good, is REALLY intense. Like, he always has a mouth full of chew (on the municipal softball field, where kids play on the weekends), he can't stop dropping F bombs despite multiple warnings from the umpire, and even when he’s not in the lineup it seems like he’s trying to instigate a fight with the other team, calling them on their “bush league” tactics (like changing pitchers in the middle of an inning). After making an out, he’s slamming some other guy’s $400 bat made of spaceship materials (that he never asked if he could borrow in the first place) on the ground in disgust and throwing a mini tantrum because he, "hit the ball like a F***ING P***Y.” When someone tries to gently suggest that it’s only softball and he should calm down a little, he loudly questions their desire to win, and implies that he’s the only one amongst you “that leaves it all out on the field.”

Big Brown is the guy that shows up and really doesn’t care all that much about anything that doesn’t involve “hitting bombs, bro.” And he hits bombs, at least every so often—and when does, people stop games on the other fields just to watch where they land. The time he broke a windshield in the parking lot is legend. But everyone on the team is so mesmerized with his ability to hit a softball 400 feet on occasion that no one really notices he’s only batting .286 and throws sidearm all the time for some reason.

He’s the guy who you basically forgot was on your roster because he hasn't shown up for a game in like three months. Then one game he arrives out of nowhere and you have no idea what to do with him. So, the coach throws him in the game in the late innings when you have a comfortable lead and he incredibly manages to screw everything up beyond recognition. No one will talk to him at the bar afterwards, and he’ll never be seen again.

He’s the guy that keeps insisting, "No, no dude. I swear I can pitch--I used to pitch for another team that made it all the way to the state quarterfinals back in the day," despite all evidence to the contrary. He also insists on throwing his stupid trick pitch (the spinner) that everyone crushes, and he squeals when the ball gets hit back up the middle.

Brian Schneider
He’s the guy that never plays, yet shows up every week and volunteers to do the book and coach third. He’s also the guy that is annoyingly loud and consistent with his rah-rah chatter. But he has little variation in his repertoire, so you swear you’re going to kill him if he yells, “Talk it up out there!” one more time.

Jamie Moyer
Jamie is the 67 year old pitcher that’s been playing slowpitch softball seemingly since Jesus was a boy. And, he’s absolutely IMPOSSIBLE to hit. Like seriously, the best people can do is hit a dribbler to third or pop one up in the infield. His Jedi-like mastery of trick pitches (curveballs, backspin balls, knuckle balls, Crisco-balls, sandpaper balls, one that he throws with the wrong hand, etc…) is complemented by his propensity to psych out much younger, stronger men, and his uncanny ability to throw the ball EXACTLY ten feet in the air on every pitch (although the umps probably let him go to eleven feet before they call an illegal pitch, out of respect). Despite his advanced age, he has somehow retained a cat-like quickness on the mound; he regularly steals routine ground balls to the shortstop just to make you look and feel stupid.

Juan Castro (RIP)
You think he’s your building’s security guard, but you’re not really sure. He showed up to the first game even though he wasn't on the e-mail invite to join the team, and he definitely didn't go to the orientation meeting that the captain held in the conference room. No one knows his name, and he doesn’t talk at all so you’re not even sure if he speaks English. But he’s using a well-worn hardball glove and he's not white, so everyone mistakenly assumes he runs really fast and is a naturally gifted middle-infielder (“They play with milk cartons for gloves in his country!”).

Greg Dobbs
Despite being an okay player, he’s the guy that you slowly realize over the course of the season cannot catch fly balls. And he knows it, but doesn’t want to tell you. At first, you just thought it was a little funny when he would always play the infield during batting practice. Then, he volunteered to catch the night you only had ten guys, and two of those were the ancient guy from cost estimating and the dude with the reconstructed knee.

Ben Francisco
He’s Totally-Looks-The-Part Guy. He wears all the latest Under Armour and Nike gear, is really fit, runs fast, has a strong arm, and it's evident that he goes to the gym regularly and can beat the crap out of you. But he sucks. He struck out looking in that one game, never hits the cutoff man, and will still yank balls foul with a two strike count trying to jack bombs (though he's never hit one), even after he's used up the courtesy.

Harry Leroy Halladay III
Roy is the ex-Marine that's in ridiculous shape, never gets mad at the umps, never complains about the lineup, always gets on base, and basically makes you feel like you're a pudgy, whining, inferior donkey on the field. He's just that awesome at everything, without being flashy or loud. He's also the guy that, despite not being a VP, Chase Utley talks to the most and asks for advice.

Moyered, Yo! The Injured Arm Episode

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Good Stuff

This email I enjoyed receiving. It's from ZWR enthusiast Jill, who- much like all of you who read the bolg and are so kind to me- rules:
Ohai ZWR!
My birthday recently just passed and my fiancée, upon giving me my presents (multiple, holler), said 'there is something else in the mail but its not here yet...'.
I had no idea what it could be.
That Friday he picked me up from work, said 'Happy Birthday again, here's your last present.'  An effin Wertz shirt!  I wore it to the game that night, we sat in right field so Wertz HAD to have seen it (right?), saw an amazing comeback by the Phils AND then had watermelon water ice in the parking lot while watching the fireworks.
What a great birthday.  Thanks for making the Wertz shirt, it made my birthday that much better :)

An Explanation of Last Night's Rather Unpleasant Phillies Defeat

See also: Kendrick

What's Whiter Than A White Guy In A ZWR Shirt???

A white guy in a ZWR shirt in Minnesota, standing in front of one of those "hey we're all across the city with quirky, different designs yay public art!" statues.

Did they have to put that dude's face on Joe Mauer's junk?

Monday, July 19, 2010

So Roy Halladay Pitched Yesterday (7.18.10 v. Cubs): Crowd-sourced Edition

So yesterday's game was too depressing to even muster the strength to write a SRHPY on this gloomy Monday. Instead, I threw it out to the Twitterverse earlier today and they wrote it for me. I mean for us.

Nicole writes:

Well, 'pitched' might actually be giving him too much credit. For his past few losses, Phils fans have been saying that Roy wasn't given the run support that he needed to go along with his face-breaking pitching. That excuse couldn't be used last night since the Phils took it upon themselves to see who could get the least RBIs by just hitting solo home runs.

Why didn't Roy Halladay pitch a good game last night? Well, I think I know why and who to blame:

Things only got worse from there. As I neared Independence Rock and the Phillies got into the seventh inning, I received some bad news via my 8-bit message screen:

Of course, you can't blame all the excess runs on Halladay. 5 runs were scored in the bottom of the seventh while Herndon was pitching. However, it seemed that Halladay's pitching seemed to set the tone for the rest of the game.

Yep. That's what I get for putting the Phillies into my Oregon Trail game during a four game series. I apologize Phillie fans. As my penance, I will use my cash register position for good and try to deny sales to Mets & Yankees fans for the rest of the summer.

To which Mabel counters:

So Roy Halladay Pitched Yesterday... and it wasn’t especially pretty, but (you know me) I wasn’t really going to write about that anyway. What I want to write about today is sitting 10 yards away from Roy Halladay (warming up, and the rest of the bullpen) who pitched yesterday.

Most sports fans at one time or another have one way or another gotten a chance to sit and watch a game in really good seats. No matter how many summers you spent in the 700 level by the time you’re in your twenties you’ve probably watched at least one game from a bosses box or your company’s season tickets or someone springing for good seats on your birthday. Yesterday was the first time I’d ever had a really good seat at a Major League Baseball game. Because my birthday is on tuesday I was going to spend a little more on tickets than I normally would, but my boyfriend had to go back to Philly for the weekend so needing only one ticket, I was able to get an even better seat for even cheaper. I sat ten rows back just to the left of the Phillies dugout on the first base side and at Wrigley of course, that’s where the bullpen mounds are.

I got to the game relatively early so I could check out the concourse and feel nostalgic (only not because I kind of hate nostalgia... and hopefully I will write about all that and the academic side of my first trip to Wrigley later today on my own blog-- and admittedly it was pretty awesome, but getting to Roy. My camera battery died so I took some final notes and went out to my seat. The thing was, as beautiful and historic as Wrigley Field is, I just don’t usually get to be that close to a Major League ball field in the first place, so it was pretty sweet. Add to that that after twenty minutes Roy mothereffing Halladay came out and started stretching (including toe touches thankyouverymuchroyandyoursweetass), it was pretty exciting. I mean, he was right there.**

** This is particularly interesting to me because one of the things I find most fascinating about sports (and sports and media) is that they are simultaneously hyper-mediated and yet also completely live, direct forms of communication. That really was Roy Halladay. That really was Roy Halladay’s ass. He is a real person and I could see him right there. (This is also funny because, I’ve been thinking lately about the relationship between sportswriters/beat writers and players, and beat writers and fans, and I met @ryanlawrence21 this weekend--good kid.)**

So I was a bit awestruck by Roy, but then at some point later in the (horrendous) game, Chad Durbin stood up. I wished I was closer so I could ask him why he doesn’t tweet anymore (and of course this was symptomatic of all the other unconventional questions I’d like to ask MLballplayers), but at the same time I knew that game situation or not, these guys probably wouldn’t, couldn’t or are just uninterested in carrying on a real conversation about the nerdy stuff I do and I think about. Despite the fact that they are right there, like any other celebrity I will never have real access to any of these people. So I asked myself: How does them being *right* there impact how I feel about them? How does them being seemingly real affect my perception of their personae? And in relation to this bolg: Do we want the fantasy that maybe Roy would absolutely love the ZWR bolg? Or do we need to acknowledge the reality that that blog is really just for us and has nothing to do with him because he would probably think it was creepy or weird or lame anyway? What kind of Roy Halladay does this bolg construct for us?**

**But for the record, when I went to ask ZWR if I could write today's SRHPY, I also asked myself how your pronounce SRHPY... dumb but intelligent, that's how we roll on this bolg, right?**

And Jillian concludes with:
Last night, for the first time all season, I had serious doubts that the Phillies would make playoffs. It’s always a bad sign when I have to resort to rating the hotness of the players with my friends to distract me from a bad game (cuz that’s been done). I have the distinct misfortune of entering the “diehard” years of my life-long Phillies phandom in 2008, so I really hate when they look like the fat kids on a little league team even against the worst pitchers. It hurts my heart and my pride. When the Phils lose, I take it personally. So, here I sit, using company time and money, to ponder this 9-inning pursuit of happiness that I get to be a part of. I love the game- even when I hate what is happening as Brad Lidge gives up a game-tying homer in the bottom of the ninth, it is this very same “anything is possible” characteristic of baseball that makes me love it. So Phillies- make me happy, please?

Thanks to everyone who contributed. Bolging is so easy!

And yes, the Phillies. Please make Jillian, and all of us, happy.

Randy Moss with a Penguin and a Walrus (A ZooWith _____ Trendspotting Update)

The wrong caption would totally ruin this moment.

The concept is catching on, people. I'm telling you.

All celeb athletes now want to be seen at the zoo (aquarium--whatever). So someone please forward this link to Roy's Hotmail account. Not that Roy would ever seek to emulate Randy Moss in any conceivable fashion, but you get the idea. Thx.

(Link via SB Nation Boston who got the link and picture from somewhere else who got the link and picture from somewhere else, where I then at some point came across it Twitter in some kind of web-like convoluted fashion- I don't know, the whole thing is very confusing. But SB Nation Boston gets the credit, I guess.)

ZWR was linked on Deadspin this morning (however, the shirt featured in the article was nowhere near the best t-shirt to appear on TV during the Phils v. Cubs series) , and AJ Daulerio referred to Roy as "Lord of the Penguins." Works for me. Oh, and welcome Deadspin readers. Make yourself at home, click an ad, buy a t-shirt. Try the stromboli.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Ride the Rally Lightning

So a ZWR shirt appears on TV...and BOOM, a dramatic late-inning comeback for the Phils. Hardly a coincidence I'd say.

That's 50,000 volts of style, people. Pic courtesy of the founder of a popular Phillies blog.

Note: available again, for a limited time!

Juan Castro: A Recycled Video Tribute

RIP Juan Castro, 2010-2010

RIP Juan Castro from Zoo With Roy on Vimeo.

ZWR In The Wild

Chicago may not have gotten LeBron, but it did get this donkey and his Tennessee endzone shorts. Thanks for reppin' Donkey Nation in the Chi, Ugly Pants McGee!

Leonard Little would drink to that

Friday, July 16, 2010


Washington, DC - At 5:04 this morning, Nationals rookie pitcher Stephen Strasburg worked on a new pitch- one that employed a cutter grip shown to him by Roy Halladay- while wearing his Men's Standard Weight Red Label Strasboner Tee, causing a slight break in the face of the earth. Thankfully no one was injured. Amy Vaughan, a geophysicist with the USGS, said the quake was the largest ever recorded in the area, and thanked Charlie Manuel in advance for intentionally avoiding a Halladay/Strasburg matchup on August 1. "Stuff would break, yo", said Vaughan.

Did you know that Boner from Growing Pains killed himself? Zoinks!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

This Utley vs. Werth Feud is Getting Out of Hand

WERTZ: If thou couldst please me with speaking to me, thou mightst have hit upon it here: the commonwealth of Athens is become a forest of beasts.

UTLEY: How has the donkey broke the wall, that thou art out of the city?

WERTZ: Yonder comes a poet and a painter: the plague of company light upon thee! I will fear to catch it and give way: when I know not what else to do, I'll see thee again.

UTLEY: When there is nothing living but thee, thou shalt be welcome. I had rather be a beggar's dog than WERTH.

WERTZ: Thou art the cap of all the fools alive.

UTLEY: Would thou wert wertz clean enough to spit upon!

WERTZ: A plague on thee! thou art too bad to curse.

UTLEY: All villains that do stand by thee are pure.

WERTZ: There is no leprosy but what thou speak'st.

UTLEY: If I name thee. I'll beat thee, but I should infect my hands.

WERTZ: I would my tongue could rot them off!

UTLEY: Away, thou issue of a mangy dog! Choler does kill me that thou art alive; I swound to see thee.

WERTZ: Would thou wouldst burst!

UTLEY: Away, Thou tedious rogue! I am sorry I shall lose A stone by thee. [Throws a stone at him, tears thumb ligament off again]

WERTZ: Beast!

UTLEY: Slave!

WERTZ: Toad!

An Open Letter to Charlie Manuel


I'm not one to ask for favors, but I need you to do me a solid: please move Roy Halladay up a day in the rotation. You see, as it stands, HLHIII is slated to miss the entire series against the Natinals in DC. This is a tragesty! At the very best, I now have to wait until the last week of September for another chance to see him without making the looooong trip back home to Philly (I loathe driving through Delaware, mind you). I know he pitched a little bit in the All-Star Game (btw congrats) but, I mean, he doesn't need to be all the way until Sunday.

Dude and for real you do realize that if you moved him up a day we'd be looking at Halladay/Strasboner on Sunday the 1st, right (look below, I analyzed their schedule)? If nothing else, don't deprive the rest of the donkeys of that.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Chicks Dig the ZWR, etc.

I wrote a thing for the world's most popular girl baseball blog, "Chicks Dig the Long Ball."

Click here or the word COCKS below to read it.

Roy Halladay Does Not Lose All-Star Games

2/3 of an inning were all Roy needed to single-handedly end the drought. AP photo.

“They wanted to try to get me in the game and keep it short,” Halladay said. “As a starter you want to keep yourself rested for the second half, so for me it was win-win.”

If the Phils are fortunate enough to get to the World Series, it will be win-win-win for Halladay because of the home-field advantage that the NL earned with the win.

“You never want to be on the wrong side of a streak like that,” said Halladay, referring to the NL’s 13-year winless streak. “It’s nice to be able to end it. In the dugout, after the last out, guys were really excited.”

- Jim Salisbury,, yo
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