ZWR enthusiast Eric sent this in. It's one of Poe's lesser-known works.
It was only a couple of years ago,
In a city that serves steaks with cheese,
That they called up a Donkey whom you may know
By the name of Carlos Ruiz;
And this Donkey he lived with no other thought
Than to have a high OBP.
Roy was a stud and Chooch was a stud
In this city that serves steaks with cheese;
And they played with a clutch that was more than clutch,
Roy and this Carlos Ruiz.
With a clutch that Jose Reyes in Flushing
Coveted Roy and Ruiz.
And this was the reason that, months ago,
In this city that serves steaks with cheese,
A bat flew out of the sky, benching
The awesome-ful Carlos Ruiz,
So that the team physician came
And stole away our Ruiz
To get him an MRI back home
In the city that serves steaks with cheese.
The Mutts, not half so clutch-y in Flushing
Went envying Roy and Ruiz.
Yes! - that was the reason (as all Donkeys know,
In this city that makes steaks with cheese)
That a bat flew out of the sky by night,
Hitting and sitting our Carlos Ruiz.
But his clutch, it was stronger by far than the clutch
Of many far older than he
-Of many more well-paid than he-
And neither the Mutts in Flushing up north
Nor the Natinals down in D.C.
Can ever dissever our clutch from the clutch
Of the awesome-ful Carlos Ruiz.
For the bell never rings without making me sing
Of the awesome-ful Carlos Ruiz;
And Roy ne'er breaks a face but he showers his praise
On the awesome-ful Carlos Ruiz;
Other teams have no ploys to defeat Philly's boys
For they do not have Utleys or Chooches or Roys,
Or a place to go see chimpanzees.
Those magnificent chimpanzees!