Tuesday, August 24, 2010

ZWR Twenty Oh Ten Fantasy Football Primer




Nobody cares about your team. Nobody gives a poop about how your draft went or wants to hear about the donkey who took the Bears defense in the third round. Nobody wants to hear about your sleepers. Nobody cares about that time Santana Moss caught three fluky touchdowns and beat your team in the championship game by 4 points. Nobody cares if you had the "MOST POINTS IN THE WHOLE LEAGUE" but still didn't make the playoffs. Nobody is interested in your theory on the best scoring system. Nobody cares about your fifth round auction keeper. Nobody cares if you hate the points per reception rule. Nobody cares that you had Ray Rice "rated as a first round pick on your board last year, bro". That trade you made last season? Nobody cares. Wait, you said what to burn that guy who accidentally took Greg Jennings two rounds after he was already picked? Nobody cares. Nobody cares what you read about the 330 carries rule for running backs. Everybody minds when you switch over to Jags/Titans every three minutes, because nobody cares that you have "MJD". Nobody wants to be bothered with your explanation of what has to happen on Monday Night for you to win the week. Your team name is not clever. Nobody cares if your buddy posted the "more cowbell" video on the league message board. Nobody cares how many people still owe you their league entry fee. Nobody cares about your team.

9 comments:

  1. PRIEST FUCKING HOLMES, BABY!

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  2. He did have like 4000 touchdowns that one year. Before his body turned to mush on the insides as a result.

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  3. I'm having trouble with my draft board. Who should I pick, Jacoby Jones or Marty Booker?

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  4. after larry johnson sexually assaulted him he was never the same.

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  5. This reminds me why I hate fantasy football. Thanks, ZWR, you've saved me 1 month of begrudgingly updating my lineup and 3 months of feeling bad for ignoring my lineup.

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  6. My fantasy football team is doing quite well right now, thanks in part to Gareth Bale's two goals and being voted best player of the match (Tottenham Hotspur vs. Stoke City) this past weekend. I think he'll run wild against Wigan Athletic this Saturday! My advice: Wayne Rooney isn't worth his high price tag.

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  7. I am taking Matt Ryan #1. The Winpak Matt Ryan. He is smooth as silk and has great hair.

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  8. I swear I'm worth a 4th round pick guys. I swear!

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  9. linked from deadspin. ive seen this blog before. not a phillies fan but i love the blog and i especially love this post. congrats.

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