Thursday, December 16, 2010

The Conversation: Cliff Lee and Jayson Werth

During yesterday's introductory press conference/RAJ smugoff wang dangle, Cliff Lee noted concerning Jayson Werth: “When he found out I was coming here, he wasn’t the happiest person in the world..." INTRIGUE!

Well, lucky for you donkeys, I have the actual conversation that took place (and somehow it's in script form). Enjoy...



WERTZ, sweating furiously, gets off of a trampoline and takes a huge gulp of chocolate milk. He takes a deep breath, looks about, and begins to stretch. His cell phone rings. He looks to the ceiling, then behind his back, under his shoe, and finally picks it up off the table in front of him. CLIFF LEE is on the other end.

WERTZ: Hello?

CLIFF LEE (V.O.): Jayson?

WERTZ: Wait what.

CLIFF LEE (V.O.): Jayson- it's Cliff.

WERTZ: Cliff who?

CLIFF LEE (V.O.): Cliff Lee.

WERTZ: Wait, who?

CLIFF LEE (V.O.): Dude, I pitched for the Phillies two years ago. Came over during the season.

WERTZ (excitedly): Pedro!

CLIFF LEE (V.O.): No. The white guy.

WERTZ: I don’t see color.

CLIFF LEE (Frustrated, under his breath): Oh good lord.

WERTZ takes another sip of chocolate milk.

CLIFF LEE (V.O.): Jayson- I won two games during the World Series.

WERTZ: Doesn’t ring a bell.

CLIFF LEE (V.O.): Pitched a complete game in my first start.

WERTZ: I got nothin’.

CLIFF LEE (V.O.): Left hander. Number 34.

WERTZ: Drawing a blank, here.

CLIFF LEE (V.O.): I bought you chicken fingers in Los Angeles.

WERTZ (Startled, with excitement): OHMYGOD CLIFF LEE!!! Why didn’t you say so? What's up, broseph?!

CLIFF LEE (V.O.): Yeah, so, I’m just sort of calling the guys- and I still consider you one- to let them know that… hey, you can keep a secret, right?

WERTZ: Dude, I so can. I had a beard all last year and didn’t tell anyone!

CLIFF LEE (V.O.): Right. Anyway- I’m gonna sign with the Phillies tonight.

As Lee says this, a group of children climb into the giant oversized-boxing-glove inflatable arena, which also happens to be Wertz’s favorite.

WERTZ: Are you shitting me?!?!!

CLIFF LEE (V.O.): I’m sorry. If I could have told you sooner I would have. I didn’t…

WERTZ: I can’t believe this!!! Listen, Kyle, I gotta run. I’ll call you back.

CLIFF LEE (V.O.): Sure. Hey- sorry man.

WERTZ: Okay whatever.

Fade to black.

Fade up from black:

End Scene.


  1. You are an artist. A brilliant artist. Merry Cliffmas.

  2. friedl99 likes this

  3. Can you do my taxes next year? Just send the IRS a bunch of gif files of what I did with my $$

  4. I imagined this with the Saves-by-the-Bell pink fade around the edge and a lightning bolt splitting frames between Cliff and Jayson.

  5. This is some Romeo G. Riverside bullshit. Remember that dude got ousted at theFightins? Wait a minute...

  6. I kinda have to side with Werth on his love of moon bounces. Those things are fantastic!

  7. is that you ,ashlee borsello, a few comments up who says "amazing" ? haaaaa! is the joke that Jayson's not so bright? acts like a child? wow. how quickly we unlove those once adored. ;)

  8. Hey, don't be down on Bounce U. I had my 21st birthday party there. It was the tits!

  9. love love love love love this.

  10. When are you going to write a book?


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