Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Sources Reveal Jayson Werth Contract Negotiation Details

It was widely reported nowhere necessarily real last week that Jayson Werth reportedly received a contract offer from the Phils. I was eating lots of pumpkin pie, and things are crazy on the Auburn Board of Trustees these days, but I can finally share what my sources (aka WertzyLeaks and "Bill" from Mt. Airy...note: not their real names) have indicated to me.

SHARED- Wertz actually did receive three offers from the organization. Two were largely similar in terms of length, and the other more open-ended in nature and driven by Wertz's team. The details:

Offer One: Three years, $57M, unlimited Chipotle, two ZWR shirts, and he gets to coach first base during road games.

Offer Two: Four years, $75M, ownership of domain, unlimited annoying Groupon e-mails, and he gets to change his uniform number to "Four Loko".

Offer Three: $16,666,666 for one minute, with an attached agreement to serve in the capacity of "awesome baseball stud" for the 2011 season gratis. Wertz pushed this, as it will allow him to tell people that his wage is one billion dollars an hour.



  1. Wertz, if you're reading this, go with option 1. Stick with the medium salsa--it's spicier than you'd think, and it's oh so good. Unlimited Chipotle will keep your glove hand strong to rip foul balls from shy children's parents, and will keep you in the same weight class as the machine.

  2. I heard meech is hiding in Honduras and may or may not be a desperate man.

  3. Holy shit. That's the pic I took of the first and last Four Loko I will ever drink. I didn't realize JT was throwing it around. Psyched to see it on the Zoo. Keep up the good work.

    Check out my Dad...

  4. This is a really good read for me, Must admit that you are one of the best bloggers I have read. Thanks for posting this informative articlecarmageddon,acre,stephen king


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