Saturday, January 30, 2010

Once And For All


I can't get my Google Analytics code installed, so I don't have an exact figure to ascribe to the number of emails received on this topic as a percentage of overall site traffic... but I venture to guess it is significant. In answer, let me be clear: No, I would not rather go to the zoo with Roy Halladay and Cliff Lee. Without getting into an argument I feel already exhausted, I'll rather briefly note that you can't look at things in a vacuum, and I'm not even sure Cliff Lee would have commited to going with us, anyhow, had we wanted him to. Well beyond that, I just refuse to consider a mindset in which looking at a Giant Otter with Roy Halladay isn't the best thing ever. The end.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Roy Halladay's almost convincing anthropomorphism


Todd Zolecki of MLB.com writes:

"Roy Halladay has been arriving every morning around 7 a.m. at Bright House Field in Clearwater to begin his workouts. Amaro said the training staff is raving about his workout routine. I think the word "animal" and "monster" is being used a lot."

This blog, you see, it's destiny. Roy Halladay practically belongs at the zoo.

Sure, he smiles and kisses babies and loves the fans and says all the right things when the Todd Zoleckis of the world are around. But one gets the sense that somewhere, deep down, Roy feels a kinship with the wild kingdom's unwilling inmates. The off-season is his captivity. Patiently he waits. Lifts weights. Does interviews. Studies video. Grows his beard. And like a bloodthirsty Amur Tiger yearns for the next Grade X beef shank tossed over the wall, our ace craves the well-marbled, under-cooked sirloin known as the Washington Nationals.

On April 5, the animal will be uncaged. Feeding time is 1:05.

Don't be fooled.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

iPad Hai


Apple introduced its new iPad yesterday, and by all accounts it will be a fine product. Some were underwhelmed, others overwhelmed... not too much of a surprise when you consider people's response to iPhones ("omg it's the best thing ever I call it the iPwn!" v. "no way my (donkey phone) does all the same stuff and was way cheaper"). Of course, we here want to look at this through the lens of Roy Halladay and I attending the Philadelphia Zoo together. Here's how I see it: Me and Doc, a summer day. We're over by the reptile house. I'm eating a pretzel, he has a balloon giraffe. All of a sudden, he whips out his iPad and pretends he's a dwarf talking on an iPhone. I follow suit, kneeling down to make it even funnier. And there we are, pretending we're dwarfs talking on iPhones. Then Roy says, "Dude, we might get a show on TLC now." I don't get it at first, but then it registers.

LIONS!!


Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Mission Statement


I'm an MBA- a humble one, but an MBA nonetheless- so I feel it appropriate to make my first post a clear statement of the mission of this blog. You see, I'm not in this for the readers, or the joy found in writing. It's actually all very simple: The goal of this blog, in the most simple terms, is to convince Roy Halladay to go to the zoo with me.

How will I do this? It's an uphill battle, I admit. But by demonstrating a clear passion for Phillies baseball, a (non-stalkerish (in my younger days I'd have written that in all capital letters)) appreciation of the awesomeness of Doc, and my fondness for zoo animals- especially penguins- I think I can get our new ace to spend a nice afternoon eating funnel cake and looking at tigers.

"And if this doesn't work out?", you ask. Let's not walk too far down that road. I'll merely leave you with the thoughts of noted philosopher and whackjob, my boy, Nietzsche: "Character is determined more by the lack of certain experiences than by those one has had." Ah! Enough with those thoughts. This will be victory.


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