Thursday, September 30, 2010

ZWR in the Wild, CLINCHER EDITION


Spotted at Natinals Park, on the night of the funnerest NL East clinching in recent history:

Front row, yo

You're welcome, Coors Light. Coors Cutter? zomg

I know, I know.

Believe you me, I was shocked as could be when I saw that both these pictures were of white dudes (Note: I'm totally not trying to hint that more girl ZWR fans send in pictures. Not at all. Nope.)

Thanks to everyone for sending in these pics, and thanks to all the Donkey Nation semi-pro photographers out there

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Sir Perfect McPoptTart May Have Had a Rough Evening


If anyone has heard from him, let me know.

I've been leaving him texts and iPad messages all day but he's been AWOL.




True ballers only pop Cris



See also: So Roy Halladay Clinched the NL East Yesterday

So Roy Halladay Clinched the NL East Yesterday (9.27.10 v. Natinals)






Okay, so Roy was in full-on, DEFCON 4 face-breaking mode right from the start. The result was a complete game, two hit, 97 pitch shutout that the Phils won in a laugher to bring the home-away-from-home team their fourth straight NL East division title. Roy basically had a look on his face like he was going to kill everyone in the stadium, all night long. Which was good for us, but bad for everyone in the stadium. Fortunately, once he realized the stands consisted of nothing but Phillies fans (seriously, so awesome), he decided not to. But now we know what to expect from Postseason Roy. Ha, good luck with that other playoff teams.

But on to the post-game celebration, both offline and on.

First up, we have amazing pictures of Roy bathing in champagne with his teammates:








ABOVE PICS ARE FROM AP AND PROBABLY PHILLY.COM

Next, and true to form, Roy broke Donkey Nation's face off immediately in a postgame interview when he uttered the following now famous* phrase, "It was fun, but it's only gonna get funner."

Video of this historical moment is below, provided by our pals at the Fightins:



*I know it's famous because #FUNNER was trending in Philadelphia last night.

And hey, speaking of trending (T-Mac segue!), I posted the following bit of coincidental oddness DESTINY last night on Twitter:

#waitwhat

As a result, I was soon notified of the following:

I have no idea what this actually means, but it was pretty hilarious.
Other items trending at the time: Roy, Halladay, Funner, waitwhat, Phillies, Sweeney



And finally on this glorious post-clinch morning, we have some serious postseason swag to let you know about:

From Meech & Birdland + The Fightins:

PENNANT TEES

And last but not least, some ZWR Special Editions:



Monday, September 27, 2010

SO CLINCHED!





Boom. Clinched it.




And By Popular Request, a ZWR Playoff T-Shirt Design
(click it):






ABOVE PIC IS FROM PHILLY.COM



Full Circle Face-Breaking


It seems just yesterday that it was April 5. Opening Day.

Roy was on the mound, in Washington, facing John Lannan. A season full of potential lay before us. So Cuttered shirts were the latest rage, and Willie Harris was quoting Housman. I think I put it summed it most eloquently when I wrote, "This is going to be a fun season."

Indeed it has. But it's not the time to reflect--the real fun is just getting starting.

For a division clinching is afoot! And Roy is on the mound, in Washington, facing John Lannan once again.

Frankly it's darn-near poetic. Perfect, even.



Friday, September 24, 2010

Statistical Analysis Proves Mathematically that the Phillies Totally Rule





ZooWithRoy.com's
hypothetical statistical analytical department has been crunching numbers all throughout the week, and our double-blind-triple-regression analysis reveals that, if Chase Utley, Jimmy Rollins, Ryan Howard, and Placido Polanco all hadn't spent overlapping extended stints on the disabled list, the team would have accumulated anywhere between 137 and 142 victories at this juncture.




Factors accounting for the five game variance in the Doppler model forecasts include: the gravitational force of Polanco's brow; quantity (and substantive quality) of foot-long subs consumed by Howard during the sample; the velocity with which Rollins managed to master the Dougie; and the cut of Chase Utley's jib.


Thursday, September 23, 2010

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

BARD. (An Artistic Interpretation @the701level Homage)





The game (winning the division, CLAPPING UP the BARVES) was afoot.

The 20 Wins of Roysmas (a Choochtober Carol)


Come along, children, scoot over here by the old piano. Yes, you may bring your cookies and cocoa with you. You know what time it is? Yup- time to sing my favorite Choochtober Carol of the whooooooooooole holiday season. Anyone know which one that is? That's right, "The Twenty Wins of Roysmas"! You all remember how it goes? Well then let's start...

(Upon a soft intro from the ivory keys, with a velvety Bing Crosby voice)

On the First Win of Roysmas, HLH gave to me domination in Washington, DC

On the Second Win of Roysmas, HLH gave to me a complete game against a future co-Roy and domination in Washington, DC

On the Third Win of Roysmas, HLH gave to me broken faces in his home debut, a complete game against a future co-Roy, and domination in Washington, DC

On the Fourth Win of Roysmas, HLH gave to me a shut-out against the Braves who were already going gentle, broken faces in his home debut, a complete game against a future co-Roy, and domination in Washington, DC

On the Fifth Win of Roysmas, HLH gave to me SHUT-OUT LOLMETS, a shut-out against the Braves who were already going gentle, broken faces in his home debut, a complete game against a future co-Roy, and domination in Washington, DC

On the Sixth Win of Roysmas, HLH gave to me nine Ks against the Cards, SHUT-OUT LOLMETS, a shut-out against the Braves who were already going gentle, broken faces in his home debut, a complete game against a future co-Roy, and domination in Washington, DC

On the Seventh Win of Roysmas, HLH gave to me SO PERFECT 5/29, nine Ks against the Cards, SHUT-OUT LOLMETS, a shut-out against the Braves who were already going gentle, broken faces in his home debut, a complete game against a future co-Roy, and domination in Washington, DC

On the Eighth Win of Roysmas, HLH gave to me seven strong against the Pads, SO PERFECT 5/29, nine Ks against the Cards, SHUT-OUT LOLMETS, a shut-out against the Braves who were already going gentle, broken faces in his home debut, a complete game against a future co-Roy, and domination in Washington, DC

On the Ninth Win of Roysmas, HLH gave to me a road victory at home against the Blue Jays in a game I wasn't at, seven strong against the Pads, SO PERFECT 5/29, nine Ks against the Cards, SHUT-OUT LOLMETS, a shut-out against the Braves who were already going gentle, broken faces in his home debut, a complete game against a future co-Roy, and domination in Washington, DC

On the Tenth Win of Roysmas, HLH gave to me another complete game against the oh so gentle Braves, a road victory at home against the Blue Jays in a game I wasn't at, seven strong against the Pads, SO PERFECT 5/29, nine Ks against the Cards, SHUT-OUT LOLMETS, a shut-out against the Braves who were already going gentle, broken faces in his home debut, a complete game against a future co-Roy, and domination in Washington, DC

On the Eleventh Win of Roysmas, HLH gave to me omg he walked a guy! (8 innings, no runs), another complete game against the oh so gentle Braves, a road victory at home against the Blue Jays in a game I wasn't at, seven strong against the Pads, SO PERFECT 5/29, nine Ks against the Cards, SHUT-OUT LOLMETS, a shut-out against the Braves who were already going gentle, broken faces in his home debut, a complete game against a future co-Roy, and domination in Washington, DC

On the Twelfth Win of Roysmas, HLH gave to me 27 dead snakes, omg he walked a guy! (8 innings, no runs), another complete game against the oh so gentle Braves, a road victory at home against the Blue Jays in a game I wasn't at, seven strong against the Pads, SO PERFECT 5/29, nine Ks against the Cards, SHUT-OUT LOLMETS, a shut-out against the Braves who were already going gentle, broken faces in his home debut, a complete game against a future co-Roy, and domination in Washington, DC

On the Thirteenth Win of Roysmas, HLH gave to me just one run by the Marlins, 27 dead snakes, omg he walked a guy! (8 innings, no runs), another complete game against the oh so gentle Braves, a road victory at home against the Blue Jays in a game I wasn't at, seven strong against the Pads, SO PERFECT 5/29, nine Ks against the Cards, SHUT-OUT LOLMETS, a shut-out against the Braves who were already going gentle, broken faces in his home debut, a complete game against a future co-Roy, and domination in Washington, DC

On the Fourteenth Win of Roysmas, HLH gave to me the joy of watching the Mets stink like feet, just one run by the Marlins, 27 dead snakes, omg he walked a guy! (8 innings, no runs), another complete game against the oh so gentle Braves, a road victory at home against the Blue Jays in a game I wasn't at, seven strong against the Pads, SO PERFECT 5/29, nine Ks against the Cards, SHUTOUT LOLMETS, a shut-out against the Braves who were already going gentle, broken faces in his home debut, a complete game against a future co-Roy, and domination in Washington, DC

On the Fifteenth Win of Roysmas, HLH gave to me Zoinks it's the Mets again!!!, the joy of watching the Mets stink like feet, just one run by the Marlins, 27 dead snakes, omg he walked a guy! (8 innings, no runs), another complete game against the oh so gentle Braves, a road victory at home against the Blue Jays in a game I wasn't at, seven strong against the Pads, SO PERFECT 5/29, nine Ks against the Cards, SHUTOUT LOLMETS, a shut-out against the Braves who were already going gentle, broken faces in his home debut, a complete game against a future co-Roy, and domination in Washington, DC

On the Sixteenth Win of Roysmas, HLH gave to me no runs by the Natinals, Zoinks it's the Mets again!!!, the joy of watching the Mets stink like feet, just one run by the Marlins, 27 dead snakes, omg he walked a guy! (8 innings, no runs), another complete game against the oh so gentle Braves, a road victory at home against the Blue Jays in a game I wasn't at, seven strong against the Pads, SO PERFECT 5/29, nine Ks against the Cards, SHUTOUT LOLMETS, a shut-out against the Braves who were already going gentle, broken faces in his home debut, a complete game against a future co-Roy, and domination in Washington, DC

On the Seventeenth Win of Roysmas, HLH gave to me enough to beat the Brewers and to be honest that's fine because there were a bunch of games before this when they weren't scoring any runs for him even though he's so freaking awesome I mean come on (no offense, Dave Sardineface), no runs by the Natinals, Zoinks it's the Mets again!!!, the joy of watching the Mets stink like feet, just one run by the Marlins, 27 dead snakes, omg he walked a guy! (8 innings, no runs), another complete game against the oh so gentle Braves, a road victory at home against the Blue Jays in a game I wasn't at, seven strong against the Pads, SO PERFECT 5/29, nine Ks against the Cards, SHUTOUT LOLMETS, a shut-out against the Braves who were already going gentle, broken faces in his home debut, a complete game against a future co-Roy, and domination in Washington, DC

On the Eighteenth Win of Roysmas, HLH gave to me seriously the Mets just stop trying, enough to beat the Brewers and to be honest that's fine because there were a bunch of games before this when they weren't scoring any runs for him even though he's so freaking awesome I mean come on (no offense, Dave Sardineface), no runs by the Natinals, Zoinks it's the Mets again!!!, the joy of watching the Mets stink like feet, just one run by the Marlins, 27 dead snakes, omg he walked a guy! (8 innings, no runs), another complete game against the oh so gentle Braves, a road victory at home against the Blue Jays in a game I wasn't at, seven strong against the Pads, SO PERFECT 5/29, nine Ks against the Cards, SHUTOUT LOLMETS, a shut-out against the Braves who were already going gentle, broken faces in his home debut, a complete game against a future co-Roy, and domination in Washington, DC

On the Nineteenth Win of Roysmas, HLH gave to me nine more strike-outs as we surge toward Choochtober, seriously the Mets just stop trying, enough to beat the Brewers and to be honest that's fine because there were a bunch of games before this when they weren't scoring any runs for him even though he's so freaking awesome I mean come on (no offense, Dave Sardineface), no runs by the Natinals, Zoinks it's the Mets again!!!, the joy of watching the Mets stink like feet, just one run by the Marlins, 27 dead snakes, omg he walked a guy! (8 innings, no runs), another complete game against the oh so gentle Braves, a road victory at home against the Blue Jays in a game I wasn't at, seven strong against the Pads, SO PERFECT 5/29, nine Ks against the Cards, SHUTOUT LOLMETS, a shut-out against the Braves who were already going gentle, broken faces in his home debut, a complete game against a future co-Roy, and domination in Washington, DC

On the Twentieth Win of Roysmas, HLH gave to me another win in the biggest series of the season (so far, you just wait, because this season is special), nine more strike-outs as we surge toward Choochtober, seriously the Mets just stop trying, enough to beat the Brewers and to be honest that's fine because there were a bunch of games before this when they weren't scoring any runs for him even though he's so freaking awesome I mean come on (no offense, Dave Sardineface), no runs by the Natinals, Zoinks it's the Mets again!!!, the joy of watching the Mets stink like feet, just one run by the Marlins, 27 dead snakes, omg he walked a guy! (8 innings, no runs), another complete game against the oh so gentle Braves, a road victory at home against the Blue Jays in a game I wasn't at, seven strong against the Pads, SO PERFECT 5/29, nine Ks against the Cards, SHUTOUT LOLMETS, a shut-out against the Braves who were already going gentle, broken faces in his home debut, a complete game against a future co-Roy, and domination in Washington, DC

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

!!!


Jimmy Rollins Injury Update


Sources indicate that Phillies shortstop Jimmy Rollins, who has been sidelined recently with a hamstring injury, could be close to returning. Team officials and medical staff have been heartened in the past few days by Rollins' ability to do the Stanky Leg with little pain and minimal discomfort. It could not, however, be independently confirmed at press time whether the three-time All-Star did in fact know how to Dougie. Calls to Rollins' agent were not returned.

ZWR In The Crowd, "Hottie Superfan" Edition


Those were Matt's words, Jessica- check the email he sent (from his iPhone 4). But yeah, you're way too cute for him. And thanks for posing with Wertz for the shot... nice touch.



Oh, and don't worry, the Braves, about the HUGE loss. You only have this to look forward to tonight...

No for serious I totally took a pic of my TV

Monday, September 20, 2010

Sunday, September 19, 2010

ZWR Shirt On The The TV, Yo


A bunch of you were kind enough to send in/Tweeter pics of this (naturally, white) guy celebrating a Ryan Madson K during Fightins Tailgate Night at CBP last night in style. This includes Nag Nag Nag, who was so hip as to email me the below shot while I was out at the bar with the donkey patrol. Weird, huh? Also, while at said bar, I saw a kid in a donkey shirt. Love you, Philadelphia.


Oh and yo how $%#*ing awesome was today's game?! 

Thursday, September 16, 2010

And Now a Word From Sir Perfect (#RoyForCy)





Click his handsome little face



Keep it up, twinkaholics

I Got Your Cy Young Watch Right Here (SRHPY, #RoyForCy)





Just so the Cy Young voters know what time it is


Folks, what you see above is a Baume and Mercier Riviera Sport 8724 Chronograph. It's the $4,290 watch that Roy bought for practically every member of the Phillies organization to commemorate his perfect game. That's right, Roy dropped many multiples of yours and/or your parents' annual salary just to thank those around him for his own perfection. Really. He was so awesome that he spent a quarter of a million dollars to thank others for him being so awesome. Think on that. And no, the actual watches didn't have his face on the front--I just added that for artistic effect.

But as I see it, here's how the NL Cy Young race ought to finish:
1. Harry Leroy Halladay III - eleventy billion votes
t-3. Cole Hamels - twelvity five votes
t-3. Roy Oswalt - twelvity five votes

Others receiving votes: none
So with that I'd like to announce the official and almost entirely unnecessary #RoyForCy Twitter campaign. Seriously. Everyone use it in all your Twitter posts, even if you're not twinking about the Phillies.

It's easy, let me show you:
"zomg did you guys see One Tree Hill last night LOL I can't believe that thing with the one handsome dude and that one skinny girl #RoyForCy"

"what's up twittr have a blessed day. my dog just starin at me #RoyForCy"

"sup SPROTS FANS suuppppp me n GIL gunna watch PHLS than get sum PUSSSSAYYYY #RoyForCy"

"blah blah blah nerd stuff. stats, vorp, WAR, beat writers suck at life, blah blah bill james UZR #RoyForCy"
You can even borrow one of the above and just paste it into your twinker accounts.

Let's make it happen.

POSTSCRIPT (SRHPY)
Roy leads the National League in wins, strikeouts, innings pitched, complete games, perfect games, shutouts, pitches thrown, umpires stared down, watches purchased and faces broke. For categories he doesn't lead the league in, he's probably in the top 3. Oh, and the Phillies are per usual steam-rolling September and are basically everyone's favorite to repeat in the NL East if not the World Series.

#RoyForCy

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Chooch Will Have the Iguana With a Side of Rice Pilaf



So apparently Rickie Ricardo, the Phils' spanish radio color commentator was on WIP this morning and made a rather stupendous claim about one Chooch Carlos Ruiz. Supposedly, Rickie, Chooch and Jose Contreras went out to dinner in Miami the other night, and Chooch ate an entire motherducking iguana, atop some rice of course. Wow. I mean. Dude.

If you don't love (like desperately and romantically) Chooch by now, this ought to do it. Rickie babbles on about some other semi-funny stuff for quite a while, so fast forward to about the 10:00 minute mark:



Note: If embedded audio thingy above doesn't work (90% chance it won't), CLICK HERE to listen on WIP's donkey site.

To recap: CHOOCH ATE A GIANT LIZARD FOR DINNER. IN LIKE 10 SECONDS. SRSLY

This Week in Penguin News (TWIPN)



Welcome to the second installment of TWIPN. We have some rather pressing matters, so let's get right to it.
  • There is a real actual thing called The International Penguin Conference. Thanks to reader @HereComesTreb1e for the tip. Someone find out how I get on the schedule as keynote next year. I'll bet they have breakout sessions on how awesome it is when penguins slide down hills on their bellies with their fins waggling and then plop into the water.


  • ZOMG ERNIE SIMS FEEDING PENGUINS AT THE ZOO WHILE WEARING URBAN CAMOUFLAGE

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Jimmy Rollins Injury Update (feat. Dom Brown)


When asked for a status update on his recently tweaked quadricep by CSN Philly's Jim Salisbury, Phils rookie sensation Domonic Brown stepped back for a moment, gathered his thoughts, and said, "Oh you know. It's just a freestyle, meanwhile, we keep the beat kickin. Sweat drippin, girlies in the limo eatin chicken--"

Brown was then interrupted by re-re-injured shortstop Jimmy Rollins, who dropped the following knowledge on all of the now highly attentive Phillies beat reporters en masse: "Now I clown around when I hang around with the Underground. Girls use to frown, say I'm down, when I come around. Gas me and when they pass me they use to diss me. Harrass me, but now they ask me if they can kiss me."

Monday, September 13, 2010

A Kind Suggestion To The Braves


Yo, the Braves, you should totally go gentle into that good night,
All kinds of great things should burn and rave at close of day;
So just roll with the dying of the light.


Though Chippers at their end know dark is right,
Because their swings had forked no lightning they
are like, "Cool, I'll go gentle into that good night."


Good men, the last chop by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay (RIP Big Weav),
Rage, rage against the notion of not being hip with the dying of the light.


Wild men who caught a fair share but less than us balls in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
For serious, it's over champ, right over there's that good night.


Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, 
Wait what. 


And you, Bobby, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Might as well go gentle into that good night.
It was fun, but we're better, and you know that it's right.


Friday, September 10, 2010

Happy Roysh Hashana + Juicy Drunken E-mail Gossip


So this is definitely one of the more ridiculous things I've ever received via e-mail, but I figured hey, what the heck, I got nothing else today otherwise and frankly it's a Friday and I'm tired and just kind of feel like coasting into the weekend and enjoying Roy's start tonight against the LOLMets. Happy Roysh Hashana, everyone*.

Thanks (?) to reader Courtney for the link to this picture from the literally named website, Bread People. Yes, that really exists. And yes, I'm fully aware of the irony of a guy who has a website about wanting to go to the zoo with Roy Halladay saying that.

* Jewish readers


DRUNKEN E-MAIL PLAYER GOSSIP


In the wee hours of Thursday morning, reader Anthony sent in the following story (in two parts), via his AT&T Smartphone by HTC:

Part one: "Raul ibanez is at the bar I'm at in the suburbs. He told me he liked my hat. Weeeeeeeeeee"

Part two (sent 2 hours and 26 minutes later): "He was wearing a man purse"

Well there you have it. Thanks, Anthony. Hope you had fun at unnamed suburban bar.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Roy Halladay Stuffed Animal Win Tally Update!



When we last heard from Stuffed-Animal-Win-Tally-Guy (Kevin), it was May 7, and Roy had only six victories (in like 5 starts). Icy Tea Penguin had lots of elbow room, and stealth ninja otter had room to break dance.

May 7:




But now--what with four straight months of Roy breaking faces (including a perfect game!) in between and all, things have gotten quite a bit more crowded. It also appears that some improvisation was necessary to come up with the requisite number of stuffed animals. And judging by picture quality, it also appears that Stuffed Animal Win Tally guy has upgraded to the iPhone 4.

September 9:



ALF, FTW


Wednesday, September 8, 2010

The Phillies are in First Place!


2010 ZWR Football Preview Preview


It's going to be an interesting year for the ZWR Football Preview, and with the start of the preview season approaching, now's a good time to take a peak at what we maybe could expect this season.

Teams to Watch

A standard of previews, don't be surprised to see this easily take a starring role. Now that I think of it, the same could go for players of note. Symmetry and such. I may or may not be talking about Marshawn Lynch, who sources within the editorial department hint will take the cover for a fourth straight season.


No Longer Stars
More than the emerging, I'm about the fall. I confess. It humanizes our heroes, to watch as the acknowledgment sets in, the notion that one has lived out an unspeakably fortunate fate and it doesn't just end, but does so abruptly (even if not unaware)... with the prospect of the better side of half your life being normal after transcending normalcy.

Imagine being a Goonie the Tuesday after that whole shebang. Right? There you go. Go do your homework.



Predictions?
Couldn't tell you. Wouldn't be surprised either way.

Nerd Crap
There are so many markets out there that it's hard to put out something that reaches all of them. The explosion of "media" for people with no place actually having a voice compounds things. Go too nerd and you miss the blockheads and get called all kinds of uncreative yet shockingly hurtful things. Go too blockhead and you feel as if you're cheating yourself. Cut it down the middle and everybody loses, except for the University of Arizona.

So my plan is to make it such that the bros, hos (after the bros, mind you), stat geeks, and fruitcakes can all "get it". Losers and the traditionally friends of hos are likely to be left out. I don't like it, and wish there were a way around it, but I also wish the New York Times got Herman Melville's name right in his obituary. I'll also try and correlate statistics to concept, and concept to breakfast cereals.

Quick Hits

Yup!

In short, it's gonna be a heck of a preview. There's a lot to look forward to, yet a whole heap of unanswered questions. Check the shelves soon!



Oh... and of course, this:

6481268-16939263
Picture above is clickable

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Phillies Bloggers As Characters From The Wire


DISCLAIMER (for the sensitive types): If your blog isn't listed, it's not because I don't like you or anything personal. The truth of the matter is that I really don't read many other blogs, and only know most of these donkeys below by way of Twinker interactions. In short: don't read anything into it, I'm just an idiot that wants to go to the zoo with Roy Halladay. Also, for the values voters: there are curse words.

Everyone: just pretend that all your names below are hyperlinks to your websites--I'm too lazy to link all of them. No but seriously, everyone should check all these folks out on their blogs, twitter, newspaper, whatever. And if you've haven't yet seen the Wire, go buy the entire series today and don't sleep until you're done.

Phillies Bloggers As Characters From "The Wire"

The Good Phight = Brother Mouzone
Beneath the nerdy and proper exterior lies the heart of a ruthless killer. I guarantee you WholeCamels reads pretentious magazines and owns at least one bowtie.


The 700 Level = Bunk Moreland
They're good police and do things by the book, but every once in a while they've been known to binge by the railroad tracks, act a fool. Interminably deep supply of set piece pick-up lines.




Beerleaguer = Lt. Cedric Daniels
An established veteran. Classy. Not afraid to sell out once in a while, and harboring a dark secret that’s always eluded to but never fully revealed. Also, nice pecs.

Todd Zolecki = Jimmy McNulty
Main and most popular character. Despite the adopted accent, you can tell he's not originally from here. Lots of booze just like McNutty, minus all the sex.

Ryan Lawrence = Roland "Prez" Pryzbylewski
A nice enough guy at heart, but has a temper and penchant for frustratingly boneheaded moves (like that time he told Wertz, "Nice game" after he had like 4 K's). Has been known to break policy by posting questionable Twitpics. Most likely considering a career change.

The 701 Level = "Snoop"
Both have enigmatic backgrounds and personalities, and no one ever understands what they're actually saying. But both 701 and Snoop totally rule and are capable of absolutely stealing a scene. And lest we forget, both are STRATE UP gangstas 4RELL, FCKIN HARDEST CORE 4 life, SON.




Long Drive = Bodie
A true soldier in the game, absolutely steadfast and committed.

Crashburn Alley = Maurice Levy
Neither have met an argument they couldn't attempt to make and then frustrate you with. (Actually, empirical data suggest the Alley isn't even remotely like attorney Levy, and his more likely comparable character is...)

Chicks Dig the Long Ball = Kima Gregg
Hangs right in there with the guys; always ready to break your face with a dildo joke.

And speaking of dildo jokes...

Dennis Deitch = Jay Landsman
Deitch is well-known name in the Phils blogosphere, even though he technically doesn't have a Phillies blog... just like Landsman doesn't do any observable police work. Both have been in the game a while, and are as sarcastic and jaded as they come. And speaking of come, Deitch is incredibly vulgar. Possibly addicted to p0rn.

Phillies Nation = Mayor Thomas J. "Tommy" Carcetti
Hugely popular. Never met a voter/reader they didn't like. Although no one really has a strong feeling about them either way, they continue to charm their way along and win every popularity contest (eleventy billion twitter and facebook friends). Hey, come to think of it, they even have election swag.

Meech = Avon Barksdale
The founder of the Fightins crew, he doesn't really do all that much these days. Mostly just holds court in back rooms to oversee his empire, count money, and listen to rap. But he's hard as f*ck so don't cross him. Just be sure to re-up on time and everything will be cool.


Tug Haines = Wee-Bey Brice
Like Wee-Bey, Tug is super-loyal to the kingpin. And despite his intimidating exterior, Tug is the type of sensitive soul that could find solace in tropical fish. He's also totally take on more bodies for a pit beef with extra horseradish.




Zoo With Roy = Bubbles Good heart, and more intellectual than you'd think at first glance. Always has eye out for a new commercial endeavor. Both sell face-breaking t-shirts (look for plain whiteys in the ZWR shop, McNutty). Bubbles totally had an MBA in Street.


Perhaps more in the future, once I start actually reading Phillies blogs

Friday, September 3, 2010

REO K-Wagon 2010 Fall Tour



Okay so people have been asking me for like six months now for a Roy Oswalt shirt. So here you go. Frankly, it's an incredible achievement. I've managed to create a t-shirt that perfectly captures the internet's need for a face-breaking Roy Oswalt t-shirt with the Phillies' late season heroics and impending devastation of the Braves, all within the context of a band concert t-shirt. Amazing. But I may just be drunk

Oh, and if you don't know what REO K-Wagon means, it's a nickname I gave Roy Edward Oswalt when he was acquired by the Phils. You see, there was this band called REO Speedw--oh, hell with it. If I have to keep explaining it, you probably weren't going to buy the t-shirt anyway.



On the back:


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