Saturday, April 30, 2011

ZWR In The Wild- Corporate Sponsorship Edition

People so often ask me, "Hey ZWR, whenever I see donkeys in your shirts at games, museums, or bars in the afternoon they look so cool- is every one of your enthusiasts awesome?" The answer is yes. I mean, look at your reflection in the monitor right now. You're so damn hip!

Speaking of the University of Minnesota (huff!), here's Kyle at his graduation in the middle of a residential new construction project's Phase 2 (this photo brought to you by the IBEW Local 98).

Basically the best news ever came yesterday when we learned of #ZWRBEER. Here's Vince the beer guy at a recent game, nattily-attired, with a cutie pie showcasing our sophisticated (and classic) logo ringer. 

Remember the Hooters promo? It was up for a whole week! Geoff was the ad exec (you may remember him from the Canucks, where he was awesome in NHL 94 on the same line as Pavel Bure and Trevor Linden), and he sent in this pic. I'm not sure if he was pretending to take a photo of his shirt but really focusing on that pimp Civic's PHAT RIMZ, but it works nonetheless.

P.P.S.  My friend's going to the zoo today let's hope he sends me some pics of SPMPC (linked for the newbies- learn about him, he's very special to our shared community). 

Friday, April 29, 2011



Quick show of hands: who likes beer? "I know right seriously ZWR what a silly question I’m actually still drunk from last night."

Another: who likes I Want to Go to the Zoo with Roy Halladay? 

See that? All of you. 

One last one: who would like for there to be an official Zoo With Roy craft brew? 

Asplosion- of course you would:

Kids- it’s really happening. No, I’m not even kidding. Seriously. Yes- real beer.

Now calm down for a second and let me explain. Vincent Derosiers- the bearded brew master at Iron Hill Brewery’s North Wales location- is (understandably) a huge fan of the bolg, and approached me with the idea of crafting a from-scratch ZWR beer. 

As you could guess, it took me somewhere between negative three and eleven seconds to email him back with a string of excited penguin gibberish consisting mainly of “zOMG”, “Yes please”, and “!!!!!!!”.

Meet Vince, Iron Hill ZWR Brewmaster.  He looks the part, huh?
Follow Vince on Twitter: @IronHillNW

But then I was where you are right now reading this: Is this real? This isn’t a joke? Dude, do you have bosses? Does your wife have a really good job? Really?

Artist's rendering

But Vince the Brewmaster is dead serious, yo. He explained that the batch will be one of his featured, custom-made seasonal releases and will be available sometime in early June. So mark your calendars.

I’m even going to head up in the near future to (get this) help brew the batch! And don't you worry your pretty little head, because you can bet I’ll post pics and milk this like crazy because it’s basically a cross-promotional bonanza but not the nerdy kind like when Ford Focuses are on the Amazing Race but the awesome kind where we all drink beer and eat egg rolls.

omg yes please

But ZWR what’s the name of the beeeeeer?!?!?!” 

Good Question. It’s called:

"What will it taste like?!!"
Short answer: Awesomeness, that's what.

Longer answer: As for the flavor profile (lolz), I wanted something that was sort of hefeweizen-y, but with Belgian qualities. “Wait dude are you a beer nerd?” Not totally, but I’m not putting my name on some donkey swill, and when you’re working with folks who are experts and have access to the best ingredients in the world you take advantage of that. So I shall, donkey nation. So I shall. Expect a refined wheat with citrus notes and subtly integrated complex esters native to Trappist varieties.

Or something like that.

But ZWR, where can we get it?!??! 
Dude, at the Iron Hill Brewery in North Wales in early June. Haven’t you been paying attention?

View Larger Map

Anywhere else?!? You know, something more amazing and unexpected and ridiculously generous of Iron Hill beyond making you a beer even?!?!!?!”  

Hmmmm. I’ve got it.

How about the  2011 FIGHTINS TAILGATE 2011 on June 11, 2011? That's right, our pal Vince and Iron Hill are going to do their darndest to be there and help everyone (21 or older, of course.) tailgate in style.

BOOM. Faces = broke. 

I know. This has been one helluva post. You're probably going to need to sit down and soak it all in.

Stay tuned for more updates on ZWR's So Cuttered Iron Hill Craft Brew Odyssey. And as always, thanks for being a fan of the bolg. But no, seriously--


Thursday, April 28, 2011

Joe Blanton Prepares His Secret Weapon For the Mets (A ZWR Animated Joint)

The following ZWR Animated Joint was commissioned by yours truly from the brilliantly disturbed (I can empathize), but nevertheless talented mind behind @PeteOrrFacts, so that's what we'll call him for now.

Take it away, PeteOrrFacts:


J-Roll Swag-O-Meter Update!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

ZWR is Flyered the Flyer Up Up in Here

As originally seen here

If you're not on Twitter and missed it earlier, I once again served as a contributing artistic correspondent for one of my favorite Flyers blogs, Flyers Goal Scored By, and provided this highly detailed recap of last night's Game 7 advancement action:

Drawn to scale

Also, lots of people have been asking in recent weeks (okay, months) for some Flyers related threads, so here you go. A tip of the Bauer to @MattP700Level for the "Ferme La Boosh" idea (from like 2 months ago), and the multitudes on Twitter who requested So Dangled.

Edit: I've received some questions about making these in women's shirts, but unfortunately Spreadshirt doesn't offer any orange tees in any of the ladies shirts. :-(

These rule

Introducing the T-Mac (Tom McCarthy) Huffing Game

I just put up a new post over at They're back, you know! Go check it out!

Howwww about that?

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Monday, April 25, 2011

SO CUTTERED: Now With Concrete Scientific Proof

The magnificent nerds over at FanGraphs just published this excellent article about Roy that proves, mathematically or whatever, that opposing donkey batters are, in fact, getting CUTTERED the SO CUTTERED up this season.

Around here we already knew that this was the case, but now we finally have indisputable scientific proof, in the form of an acronym-heavy article with adjectives like "other-wordly", "crazy" and "incredible".

A tidbit, in case you're too lazy to click any of the links above, and you probably are:
Yesterday Roy Halladay continued the excellent start to his 2011 season striking out 14 batters, tied for a career best, and allowing a single run over 8.2 innings. Five starts into the season Halladay leads the league in WAR and is second in xFIP and FIP. Halladay, thirty-three, is continuing a trend started in 2004 throwing more cutters and fewer two-seam fastballs. Early in the season he is throwing the most cutters (47%) and fewest two-seam fastballs (26%) of his career.

And then there's this graph, which supposedly also shows how awesome Roy is:

So there you have it. So Cuttered as a 10th grade geometry proof.

I'm still peeved at these FanGraphs donkeys for failing to implement my now patent pending GROwl methodology, but at least we can agree on Roy's greatness.


So Roy Halladay Pitched Yesterday (4.24.11 v. Padres)

AP photo from Yahoo! Sports
7:47 AM EST  
Zoo With Roy, creator and senior editor of, the world's most influential bolg about wanting to go to the zoo with Roy Halladay, eats seven Cadbury eggs for breakfast and launches into his first of many "from-the-tomb Cornholios"- to the disappointment of his family and bemusement of himself.

11:37 AM PT  
Roy Halladay and Carlos Ruiz overhear Tony Bastard telling Ryan Lawrence how he longs to earn his first major league save. The whispers are that Jose Contreras's granddaughter is pregnant

Oh, I mean {Load, "Mad Lib Injury Creator", 8, 1 ; "slight damage type" ; "R/L" ; "body part" ; "tendon/ligament/muscle"}.

Wait, hold on a minute... 


 ...and we're back.

ZWR Infiltrates PHL 17 Postgame Show
WPHL and the Phillies--our beloved, adored Phillies--most certainly know the lexicon, and are the hippest kids in school. "Why's that, ZWR?", you ask. Oh, just the small matter of a "So Cuttered" graphic prominently heading a so tabular's recap of Roy's (adjective synonymous with superlative) performance. 

Check it:
Thanks to Heather for the Twitter assist on the pic

AINOES, AWESOME RITE?! At this point we all almost have to demand that this becomes a recurring feature of the post-game show. And if we can get Mike Missanelli to say, "zOMG CLIFF LEE" or something next weekend, that'd work too. Everyone call the interns and production staff!  

Wait, hold on another minute...

***Danny Briere Fist Pump Montage***

 ...and we're back. 
Actual SRHPY Recap 

But PHL-17 wasn't all the infiltrating that ZWR did yesterday. No, in fact it gets even better. As it turns out, longtime ZWR reader Mike DiMuro was behind homeplate yesterday. You know him (probably not)-- he's the same guy that umped Roy's perfect game and like 10 of his last 10 complete game shutouts and sends him thank you cards after each time. 

So while we should have expected maximum face breakage yesterday anyway in light of Roy's last outing, the fact that the home plate ump was wearing a So Cuttered (American Apparel version--it breaths better) t-shirt under his chest protector virtually ensured Roy's dominance. 

And dominate HLH did:
 - 8.2 innings pitched (good lookin' out, Tony Bastard!)
 - 130 pitches (knock it off, he'll be fine... Hint: He's Roy Halladay)
 - 14 K's (tying a career high) 
 - Shattered craniums littered all over Petco 

It was quite a performance. But in the final analysis, the most amazing part of Roy's dominance yesterday was that he was able do so while the Padres were actually literally trying to hide:
You can't hide, random Padre guy whose name I don't know, Roy will find you.

Just another routine home game on Easter Sunday in San Diego

Friday, April 22, 2011

A Comprehensive Debate Between Bullhorn Kid and Billy Ocean

It's been quite the week around these parts [which exist as a charming sub sect of a (basically) effed world],  what with the fan panic that followed a brief Phillies anemia (shall we localize), playoff hockey controversy (once more, please), geopolitical instability, daily reminders of the devastation in Japan, government in-fighting, and an ever-confusing economy.

To pull back allows one the overwhelming pondering that taunts as movable, though seems impossibly defeated. We dig in and push the boulder up the hill with each bit we read, re-tweet, listen to, record, email, blog, "like", podcast - the whole of social interaction is an "etc."- though with the passing step (however admirable constituted) you envisage clearer Polygnotus at work with brush, and the stone slipping from your grasp. Quite the task. Forever the task?

And we need some clarity, we yearn for focus. Prayers echo from the tired for, simply, voices to speak to us.

Today, we have those. And they're Bullhorn Kid and Billy Ocean. Debating. After the jump.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

West Coast Trip Pre-Gaming & ZWR Trivia!

Hey, it's 7:05! And there's no baseball on yet! How about that!!!!

It's a west coast game tonight, donkeys. And you know what that means. Or do you? You do know what that means, don't you?! Please don't make me spell it out for you.

Anyway, while you wait an extra three hours for Tony Bastard and the Phils take on the Spanish Fathers (that's wordplay, son), you might as well partake in some ZWR trivia. First person to answer all questions correctly in the comments wins worldwide notoriety, admiration, and two free tickets to the first annual ZWR Easter Egg Hunt and Stromboli Bake-Off Eggstravaganza.

Don't drink too much tonight. Unless you have off of work or school tomorrow--then go nuts and make bad decisions and take pictures of yourself committing drunken misdemeanors in your ZWR t-shirt (and then e-mail them to me). Don't worry, Jesus said it's totally cool.

Cliff and Kristen Lee Visit the Tax Man

April 16, 2011

[Cliff Lee and his wife Kristen are driving in their late model, high-end SUV. They pull into a sketchy strip mall parking lot.]

KRISTEN: Oh, that's so neat, look! They have mascots and everything. I'm so glad we chose this place! They seem very professional, too. And hello?! Liberty...Philadelphia...I mean come on. It's so perfect.

CLIFF LEE: Yeah I guess.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

So Roy Halladay Pitched Yesterday (4.19.11 vs. Brewers)

Here's a picture of someone hanging out with a 2011 BMW on the beach at an exotic island--presumably somewhere amazing and happy and tropical like Turks and Caicos, the home of the fictitious 2011 ZOOCON, the first annual fake ZWR reader getaway and bolg extravaganza.

So just look at this picture and pretend it was you, standing there, soaking in the sun and warm white coral sand. And stop worrying! Instead, just think about how awesome things will be when you win the raffle for this car at ZOOCON 2011! And don't forget-- a limbo contest and rum drinkfest is starting in 12 minutes over by the main pool. So you'd better get a move on, you don't want to be late!

Monday, April 18, 2011

I'm Adopting This Kid (updated now with animated .gif!)

Intense Kid is Intense

I love the intensity. I love the bullhorn. I love that look in his eyes. Kid gets it. (h/t to my iPhone and The Nag for tolerating me)

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Lazy Sunday Linkapalooza

Good morning, donkey nation. Pour a cup of coffee, fall into a comfy chair in the sunroom, and look at all of this great crap:

* Eleventy twelve people sent me this video of a baby penguin getting tickled, probably because it's the most adorable thing ever.

* Gonzo babbling about something.

* ZWR enthusiast Jaclyn met Logan Morrison, and took a pic with him in front of a bunch of Mylec hockey sticks signed by Murray Craven, the Sutter brothers, and Scott Mellanby. Since this is a link post, instead of just putting the picture here, I'll post a link.

* YAY THE FIGHTINS is back you already know this but I don't care go read.

* Yes, you should go to the game today.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Lessons Learned

Let this be a lesson to you, major league baseball players: if you wear ZWR, you will break up no-hitters with 400 foot bombs and have a 1.084 OPS ("omg plus superness"). 

As for the game... ugh, I can't. Here's Frank Fitzpatrick of the 
Former Phillie Greg Dobbs, who after signing a minor-league deal made the big club with a torrid spring (.453), drove in two runs for the Marlins with the winning hit - a seventh-inning single off loser Danys Baez.
Not noted is that Baez took the decision for the Phils.

Friday, April 15, 2011

I Was On WYSP's Spike Eskin's Podcast Today

Talking Sixers basketball, naturally (sort of).

Other topics include: Antonio Daniels, Bobby Holik, Chris Bosh, Lebron James, Kevin Durant, Air Jordans, South Street, Reebok Pumps, Zipperhead and my creative plan for keeping the Phillies bullpen occupied.

Click here to listen to the podcast

Harry the logo penguin, seen above disguised as Meatwad the Shoe

Sea Otter Option Year

Thursday, April 14, 2011

ZWR Exclusive! Flyers v. Sabres Playoff Preview Named 2011 Webby Award Honoree

The Webby Awards claim to honor the internet's best and brightest- that their recognition can make you an industry leader- and since the intern from The Office is the host and a bunch of other fancy people are on their website and The Nag heard of them ("That's kind of like the Oscars for nerds, right? Well maybe not, but still an award... kind of...") it must be true. 

"Holy sh*t, Ryan Howard just killed a monologue"

Official "Site Bug"

I digress, to the point: ever concerned with maintaining my position as the universe's foremost bolg about wanting to go to the zoo with Roy Halladay (and maybe the "best" part, with no consideration whatsoever to the "brightest"), it was sort of neat when said organization selected I Want to Go to the Zoo with Roy Halladay as an official Honoree in the "Weird" category

I didn't really know that that meant, mind you, but their kind email suggests that I'm in the top 10% of my categorization, which, again, is "Weird". Yup. Me and the Serenading Unicorn.

How weird.

Red carpet, yo!
On the serious tip: a huge special thanks to @neilvogel, Head Webby Honcho and ZWR enthusiast for making this possible. And as always thanks to everyone who reads and enjoys, or is confused by, ZWR on a daily basis.

So Roy Halladay Pitched Yesterday (4.13.11 v. Natinals)

Getty Images

Prelude to a Facebreaking
The Sorrows of Young Wertzer (H/T Johann Wolfgang (not Santana) von Goethe)
How happy I am that I am gone! My dear friend, what a thing is the heart of man! To leave you, from whom I have been inseparable, whom I love so dearly, and yet to feel happy! I know you will forgive me. Have not other attachments been specially appointed by fate to torment a head like mine? In other respects I am very well off here. Solitude in this terrestrial paradise is a genial balm to my mind, and the young spring cheers with its bounteous promises my oftentimes misgiving heart.  A wonderful serenity has taken possession of my entire soul, like these sweet mornings of spring which I enjoy with my whole heart. I am alone, and feel the charm of existence in this spot, which was created for the bliss of souls like mine. I am so happy, my dear friend, so absorbed in the exquisite sense of mere tranquil existence, that I neglect my talents.

Getty Images

“You feel you should clean it up on your own,” Halladay said, “instead of bringing someone else in.” [link] 

It says a lot about the greatness--the completeness, if you will--of Roy Halladay that we have come to expect the extraordinary from him every fifth day. And for eight innings last night, Roy battled the Natinals lineup, bloop pop-ups, twirling broken bats and a donkey for a home plate umpire (indicative of the latter-- Roy walked consecutive batters, the rarest of rare occurrences) to deliver on that unspoken contract. Despite the inconsistency of community college flunky and home plate umpire Alan Porter, Roy was masterful through the first eight frames, and it appeared that another complete game shutout was mere formality. 

But in the ninth, the fortunes shifted. You know the drill by now-- a lucky double here, a dribbler there, a seeing eye single over this way, and all of a sudden the tying run was on second base. But for Roy, the outcome was never in doubt. After shooing Uncle Cholly from a requisite mound visit, Roy was all "I got 'em", and proceeded to break the faces off of the next two batters on six pitches to end the game, amusingly, with a questionable strike call to Pudge Rodriguez. 

Roy's pitch tally? Like his typical inning: 1-2-3. His ERA? 1.23. The completeness of Roy Halladay. 

Getty Images

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