Monday, April 25, 2011

So Roy Halladay Pitched Yesterday (4.24.11 v. Padres)

AP photo from Yahoo! Sports
7:47 AM EST  
Zoo With Roy, creator and senior editor of, the world's most influential bolg about wanting to go to the zoo with Roy Halladay, eats seven Cadbury eggs for breakfast and launches into his first of many "from-the-tomb Cornholios"- to the disappointment of his family and bemusement of himself.

11:37 AM PT  
Roy Halladay and Carlos Ruiz overhear Tony Bastard telling Ryan Lawrence how he longs to earn his first major league save. The whispers are that Jose Contreras's granddaughter is pregnant

Oh, I mean {Load, "Mad Lib Injury Creator", 8, 1 ; "slight damage type" ; "R/L" ; "body part" ; "tendon/ligament/muscle"}.

Wait, hold on a minute... 


 ...and we're back.

ZWR Infiltrates PHL 17 Postgame Show
WPHL and the Phillies--our beloved, adored Phillies--most certainly know the lexicon, and are the hippest kids in school. "Why's that, ZWR?", you ask. Oh, just the small matter of a "So Cuttered" graphic prominently heading a so tabular's recap of Roy's (adjective synonymous with superlative) performance. 

Check it:
Thanks to Heather for the Twitter assist on the pic

AINOES, AWESOME RITE?! At this point we all almost have to demand that this becomes a recurring feature of the post-game show. And if we can get Mike Missanelli to say, "zOMG CLIFF LEE" or something next weekend, that'd work too. Everyone call the interns and production staff!  

Wait, hold on another minute...

***Danny Briere Fist Pump Montage***

 ...and we're back. 
Actual SRHPY Recap 

But PHL-17 wasn't all the infiltrating that ZWR did yesterday. No, in fact it gets even better. As it turns out, longtime ZWR reader Mike DiMuro was behind homeplate yesterday. You know him (probably not)-- he's the same guy that umped Roy's perfect game and like 10 of his last 10 complete game shutouts and sends him thank you cards after each time. 

So while we should have expected maximum face breakage yesterday anyway in light of Roy's last outing, the fact that the home plate ump was wearing a So Cuttered (American Apparel version--it breaths better) t-shirt under his chest protector virtually ensured Roy's dominance. 

And dominate HLH did:
 - 8.2 innings pitched (good lookin' out, Tony Bastard!)
 - 130 pitches (knock it off, he'll be fine... Hint: He's Roy Halladay)
 - 14 K's (tying a career high) 
 - Shattered craniums littered all over Petco 

It was quite a performance. But in the final analysis, the most amazing part of Roy's dominance yesterday was that he was able do so while the Padres were actually literally trying to hide:
You can't hide, random Padre guy whose name I don't know, Roy will find you.

Just another routine home game on Easter Sunday in San Diego


  1. Brad Hawpe. His name is Brad Hawpe.... and after Sunday he is hitting an eye popping .098

  2. I cant see any Padre fans in that picture. Were they not there or were they all wearing their Padres camo jerseys?

  3. Needz moar Inside-the-park Hawaiian. Can we have a GIF?

  4. Another day, another field full of broken faces left in Roy's wake.

  5. That one dude in the sleeveless T looks like he just came from the gun show.

  6. i heard jesus himself rose from the grave to see roy pitch yesterday

  7. I want to go dancing with Lou Williams.

  8. clearly, it's time to collect royalties from myphl 17 if they plan on using terminology you have created

  9. San Diego was a sea of red this weekend. A sea of red I tell you. It was an amazing three day weekend.

    The only thing missing was someone throwing a beer on Bud Black ala Lindy Ruff.

    And Doc was....cuttering to a crowd of disciples yesterday. I am surprised he didn't take 5 baseballs and gloves and turn them into hot dogs to feed the multitudes of us behind the Phils' dugout.


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