We Didn't Bolg The Fire (Opening Day 2011 Reprise)

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"A photoshopped cover album? WTF, ZWR!?" Dude, I know, just relax.

Holy crap. This bolg is generally known, amongst other things (like inimitability concerning wanting to go to the zoo with Roy Halladay), for being face-breakingly awesome. It may or may not also be renowned for being patently absurd. This -- this right here -- is both of those things. What can I say, I go to extremes. I'm shameless. Don't ask me why. It's just my life.

"Well what is it, donkey? GET TO IT." Not yet- a story first. Leave a tender moment alone.

When the idea originally came to me to do a ridiculous song parody, I figured I'd just write up some  hilarious and topical lyrics. But then I said to myself, "OMG, ZWR, this is Opening Day 2011 we're talking about here! Roy is pitching! You need to do more. More!" "Concur," I replied. I mean, I am the entertainer, so this doesn't add much pressure to the process.

Vienna (I couldn't work that into a sentence, but like the song).

And that's when I brought Tug Haines into the fold. I've admired his animation/photojob skills for the longest time, and just knew that he could help in moving out with this project. Only (because he rules and is a total big shot) he took what I requested -- scrolling lyrics over a tune --  and turned it into something eleventy billion times better.

Tug was all, "Z, you may be right, but you know, I have A RECORDING STUDIO AT MY HOUSE...." And I was all, "wait wait--no seriously, wait, what?". And then he was all, "Yo, I recommend we RECORD THIS SUMBITCH!" "Okay."

And like that, a moment of absurd bolg brilliance was born. I hope you enjoy this for what it is, and replay it 100 times and retweet it and share it and post it and recommend it and will it to your grandchildren.

Enjoy:

We Didn't Bolg The Fire

Lyrics by Z.W. Roy
Performed by T. Haines

Ryan Lawrence, Opening Day, Red Pandas, Funnel Cake
South Jersey, Walter Whitman, John Gonzo
Fightins site, down for fixin, bandwidth, television
North Philly, South Philly, Bizarro_Zo


Spreadshirt, Photojobs, Shep n Gil, Kenny Kolb
Long drive, "The Gelb and I", and "The Crashburn in the Rye"

Eisenreich, that team, Chicks Dig the new breed
Factbook starty, Twinker party, Bloggerspotty goodbye


We didn't bolg the fire
It was always bolging
Since the world's been turning
We didn't bolg the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to rewrite it


Big Joe Blanton, New York Times, Wertz was in Jen Utley's thighs?
G20 Summit, Blue Jays Bummin’, more home games rock!
T-Mac & Sarge on the play by play, Scott Franzke and LA
Holy crap, Wheels just said, "Rock Around the C*ck"


Fifth Starter, What a team, Pat Burrell is the Machine?
Winnie Cooper, Taser Fan, Wilson Valdez, Gas Can
Placido, Peanut Head, Fist Pump, Roy as bread
Nats disgrace, big dumb face, just like Danys Baezzzzzzzzzzzzz



We didn't bolg the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't bolg the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to rewrite it


Perfect Games, First Take, Ross Gload used a rake
J-Roll’s swag, it’s in the bag, links from The Good Phight
Brent Celek’s twitter wall, Jessie Biddle fastball
Stark columns, parade rides, children of the winning side


(Oh oh oh) Buddy Groom, Tommy Herr, backpack dog, Shane’s a blur
Ground ball to Castro, Roy just threw a no no
Roy 2, CLIFF LEE, Adopt-a-Puppy, Utley
Chubby Joe, Bastardo, Howard launching Popos



We didn't bolg the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't bolg the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to rewrite it


So cuttered, Dutch’s tan, Moyer’s arm fell off, man
Ny-jer, Lannan, Natinals park invasion
Opponents pray for rain-oh yeah, Chooch's Panamania
2-hit shutout, Madson, Moyer’s arm fell of again


Bard saves, Moyered yo, Where’d that famous shirt go?
If I may: Halladay--what else do I have to sayyyyyyyyyyyyy???!!!!



We didn't bolg the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't bolg the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to rewrite it


Crowd control, crazy fans, Ride the Lightning back again
Moonshot, Greg Dobbs, Sardineface, Bocock
Dom’s hose, Francisco, Ibanez just ain’t lettin’ go
Jim Tracy is my biggest fan, Bolg visits from Afghanistan!


"Wheel of Chorchin’", Jimmy’s drive, Wilpon financial suicide
Lots of debts, crumbling vets, Bay, Beltran, eff the Mets
They’ll say we’ve got an aging core, lookin at us from the floor
We’ll break their face & shut the door, I can't take it anymore


We didn't bolg the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't bolg the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to rewrite it

We didn't bolg the fire
But when I’m gone
Will it still bolg on, and on, and on, and on...


(And we're off into 2011, donkeys)