Friday, May 27, 2011

Charlie Needs A Pitcher; A Crane Kicker Secondclusive


Hey there kids. I know everyone's all excited since we're on the heels of a holiday weekend and the Phillies are breaking faces again, so I decided to pile onto the fun by asking Crane Kicker to write us another... thing. His first effort was cherished, and I'm still tired from yesterday.

You may be thinking, "hey, ZWR, why are you posting this now?" Good question, but easily answered: there were three posts (with roughly ninety edits) yesterday, and that game was so monumental that it deserves some extended celebration. Oh that and we didn't finish in time yesterday and then the Chinese food came and dude for real I love sesame chicken.


Charlie Needs A Pitcher






What inning is it?









It's the 19th, Charlie.









The what inning!? What the heck are we still doin here I thought like the commissioner says it's a tie after a certain time?










LOL. That doesn't happen in real games. We have to keep going until someone wins it.








That don't make no sense. I'm tired.









Me too Charlie, but we need a pitcher. All of our guys are empty. You better pick someone out of the lineup who could at least reach home plate.







Out of the lineup? Like for real we don't have another pitcher left? Wait... what about Burt? I don't remember seein him play tonight.








Who the hell is Burt?








You know, Burt. Like "Heyyy I'm Burt Myer gimme a beer man I like to yell a lot and stuff" you know that guy.








Brett Myers? He's on Houston now. Been there over two years.








What?!? Well call somebody up from the minors then let's get this show on the road I wanna go home.








That's impossible on so many different levels my brain hurts from even thinking about it.







Whatever don't get all weird and smart on me. OK fine... AY NOW LISTEN UP, DUBEE HERE SAYS ONE OF YOU GUYS HAS TO LIKE GO OUT THERE AND THROW IT TO HOME PLATE SO WE CAN GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE.







What about meeeeeeeeeee?!?!?!?!









Sikahema get lost you can't play Ruben said you was on the "Do not call" list for 15 days or somethin.








VICTORINO.









Yeah. Go home. Like for real we need a pitcher who wants to?









Jamie Moyer reporting for duty, sir.









Oh lord. How'd you get in this dugout? And where the heck did you get a uniform from?








I wear it everyday, sir. Please allow me to pitch I can still do this.








Now look - I KNOW you ain't on my team. And I know that because you keep like sendin me fanmail askin if you can be back on it and I been done autographed like 10 pictures that said "No thanks" now you get outta here and take Polamalu with you I got a game to win.







: (









Hey you. Valdez. You wanna pitch?













Chu kno my nayn?










I know like your jersey says Valdez on the back of it and I also know you hit like a pitcher so that's gotta count for somethin.









I weel pitch for u Choddy Mainuwel. All faisboll.













I dunno what you just said but ok get out there and get some people out. I'm countin on you Winston I wanna go home it's late.










I no guna forget dis Choddy. All faisboll. I can do it. I'm a winner guy.











Good great all faceballs I heard ya just go already I wanna watch Jimmy Fallon I heard Lucy Liu is on.







POSTSCRIPT
So yeah, I enjoyed that. It was good. But hey, speaking of Lucy Liu, new t-shirt available!!! A 2010 instant classic updated for the 2011 aesthetic. Someone send one to Dusty Baker:



Discount Codes?

13 comments:

  1. Seriously, best post ever.

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  2. Mind = Crumbled

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  3. Even the guest bolgs are outstanding. CHU NO MY NAYN?

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  4. I'm loving Shane's ADHD character development. And "faisbolls."

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  5. I wonder how Charlie felt when winston was shaking off pitches

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  6. Chortled at Sikahema and Polamalu. Nicely done.

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  7. I lol'd at sikahema

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  8. Speaking of Lucy Liu...(huff!!)

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  9. The thought that Dubee is smarter than Choddy offends me.

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  10. Hahahaha. "I know you hit like a pitcher..."

    Good stuff.

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