Saturday, May 7, 2011

Will Oil Prices Affect the Phillies at the Trade Deadline?

The following opinion is submitted by Caviar McWharton, ZWR Staff Economist and Ivy League Graduate. It does not necessarily reflect the views of or PengwinGlobal , Inc. 

LaRue, what were the results of your most recent otoscopy? I’d hazard a guess to say profoundly negative based on the way you somehow listen yet do not hear. Yes, everyone with a dentist who subscribes to The Economist knows that oil prices will be higher in the near, medium and long terms. But then those dogged readers also hold The Economist dogma that oil speculators need not be blamed for the boom in prices and that the wide volatility can be ascribed to the general increase in commodity staples and the never-ending, circular pursuit between supply and demand.

Yet the very notion that this inevitability would prevent our Phillies from obtaining needed reinforcements ‘round the summer solstice strains credulity. That the Wilpons would possess the financial perspicacity and wherewithal to manipulate the global petrol market is preposterous. Any further contemplation of this conspiracy forces us to introduce the economic conditions of the country over the next several quarters and I don’t mind telling you that, besides some creeping inflation coupled with floundering unemployment numbers that should allow us to perform the once-a-decade repudiation of the Phillips curve, I’m comfortably long on the Wilshire 5000.

Even if we account for the higher expenses associated with the conveyance of 25 lads and their minders throughout the country you must balance that with the opposite side of the ledger whereby the club accrues revenues accordant with full capacity. The “shock” to oil prices (such an inane word given the foreseeable market forces of non-renewable commodities) will result in more of the quaintly-termed “stay-cations” such that the local citizenry will cede their seemingly divinely bestowed right to an annual visit the Jersey shore and instead “resort” to another trip to the park. No doubt the extra order of crab fries will satisfy their children.


  1. They will get a bat, but give up an arm.

    And possibly a leg.

  2. did this post kill zoowithroy?

  3. Hey there. Not sure of a better place to post this, but I've been letterpress printing some Phillies Beer Coasters using the older logo...

    Soon, I'll start making some with the current/modern logo. Just thought you might be interested in posting them up. Fans seem to like them.



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