Sunday, July 31, 2011

ZWR Life, Episode Number Eleventy

From Philadelphia Bolgging Media, and distributed by Penguin Radio International, this is ZWR Life. I'm ZWR. In our show today we examine how there are many sides to sports fandom, and two are hardly as pronounced as that which embraces the history of a given sport- its nostalgia, its ethos- and, well, another which facilitates, characterizes so vividly, pure childish immaturity. Neither is better per se, but both contribute to the fan experience. Our post today comes in two parts, the first, by ZWR Life correspondent JeniRay.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

ZWR In The Wild

Lots of pics came in this week, because you guys rule. Let's get to it. But wait actually before we get to it, I feel it my duty as a gentleman of some retail aptitude to remind you that all my stuff is still 15% off until the end of the month (Sunday). Use code 'SOCUTTERED' at checkout and then use the savings to buy a water ice for Hunter Pence.

Ok now let's get to it:

@meganklose eating healthy while looking stylish

From TJ Elliott...way too cute

@functioned also has a big old beer

"IH", @lifeaquaticBC

NICE SEATS @lexuhbooz

WORLY, @ambahjones? WORLY?

And also, this, from @hairmat. I love the world.

Oh hey, ZWR! What's up? Not much? Same here. Yea I know, this heat sucks. It's totally hot. 
As you know, my black lab, Toby, had surgery last Monday to remove some skin cancer. The incision was 12 inches long and just met the scar from his last cancer surgery a few months earlier. The vet said a bunch stuff like "this time surgery might not fix it" and "he might have a bunch of tumors on his spine" and "or it could just be lyme's disease plus a big benign tumor." They're doing testing to find out. 
Toby had two choices to avoid damaging his stitches: wear the dreaded cone of awful or wear a stylish tshirt of his choosing. 
Obviously, this all feels like poop. Toby is 9 so he's gettin' up there in age, but nevertheless, I was having trouble coping. So I turned to you in my time of need. I bought him a shirt.
As you can see, it is being held back by a hair tie (90's style) because my dog is a badass, stylish mother ducker. Now all the old laddy dogs are like "DAYYYUUUM EDNA! Did you see that that fine elderly gentleman walk past?"
So, thanks Zoo With Roy, for making my dog the 5th starter. 

Friday, July 29, 2011


UFC 133 + ZWR + The Fightins + Beer + (stuff) = ZOMG

Hey kids, it's me, Zoo With Roy, founder and senior editor of I Want to Go to the Zoo with Roy Halladay, the world's foremost bolg about wanting to go to the zoo with Roy Halladay (check us out online at A position of such prestige sometimes comes with awesome perks: your own beer, getting to see Michael Bivins make a stinkface when they show your stick figure drawings on national television, stromboli, you know- all that crap. Well here's another hip one. 

The fine marketing folks at UFC were all, "zOMG ZWR UFC 133 is in Philly and you totally need to get donkey nation and The Fightins involved what should we do?!?!?!" I thusly responded, "Ummmm we like beer and the Phillies, and we both break faces (though in different ways), so mix that all up and we'll make the magic happen." 

With that was born UFC LIKES PHILLY. Check the link, but basically if you buy tickets for the event using the code "SOCIAL"you'll get to be part of an amazing package that includes drinking free beer (you have to be one of the first 100 people there but who are we kidding of course you'll get there butt early) with me and Meech while we tailgate UFC 133 and watch the Phillies and meet awesome UFC stars and get Phillies giveaways. I know, right? Crazy. We're the "sports bloggers" noted in the ad. 

Meech and I are also going to the fights, so after the tailgate portion your package includes the opportunity to buy me funnel cake and throw mustard packets at senior staff write Crane Kicker.

Charlie hits the town with John Bolaris


Ay - I thought you said we were goin out to dinner? What's all this tiny weird lookin stuff? I want like a steak or somethin.

Thursday, July 28, 2011


Photo Credit: I took a picture of the TV with my 
phone then made that thought bubble on lolcats

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Save The Last Vance WORLY

You can dance
Ev'ry dance with the guy
Who pitches with four eyes
Let him hold you tight
You can smile
Ev'ry smile for the man who held your breath
'Neath the CBP moonlight
But don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin', save the last Vance WORLY

Oh, I know (oh, I know)
That aces are fine
Like sparkling wine
Go and have your fun
Laugh and sing
But during the All Star Break
Don't give your heart to anyone
But don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin', save the last Vance WORLY

Baby, don't you know
All these donkeys love you so
Can't you feel it when he throws
He will never, never be an Astro
No for real suck it, the Astros

You can dance (you can VANCE)
Go and carry on
'Til the night is gone
Ruben just let it go
If he asks if you're all alone
Can he trade you now you must tell him no
'Cause don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arm's you're gonna be
So, darlin', save the last Vance WORLY

'Cause don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arm's your gonna be
So, darlin', save the last Vance WORLY

Save the last Vance WORLY mmmm-hummmm
Save the last Vance WORLY, mmmm

Baseball Brospectus Trade Deadline Organizational Assessment

Here at it's an unrelenting goal to provide you donkeys with the sharpest and most comprehensive baseball analysis on the web. To that end, I reached out recently to one of my favorite publications, Baseball Brospectus, to get their take on where the Phils- from a farm to stars, holistic perspective- stand as we approach the non-waiver trade deadline. As always, their hard-hitting, intelligent evaluation did not disappoint. Enjoy.

Monday, July 25, 2011

American League Re-alignment Draft: A ZWR, @DangerGuerrero (who is studying for the Bar Exam), and @Cranekicker Joint

 Hey kids. Y'all remember when we made the new National League, right? Well here's the accompanying AL realignment draft! Enjoy.

Pick 1, CKC Division: Los Angeles Dodgers. I put the Royals in the NL last draft so somebody has to move. Also: Alyssa Milano + Snoop Dogg + In N’ Out Burger + this lady + Arsenio Hall + Nancy O’Dell + Posh Spice + Christian Slater + Pat Sajak and Vanna White + Burrito trucks + Lasorda + CK running the show = California knows how to party.

DG: AHHHHHHH EARTHQUAKE [CK’s first round pick falls into the Pacific Ocean]

ZWR: That’s an aweome pick in 1987! *High Five*

Pick 1, DG Division: Florida Marlins. If we’re all picking financially strapped teams in Round 1, I’m going with the fish. Everyone forgets they’re in Miami. Mi-am-i. If anyone needs me, I’ll be bouncing in the club where the heat is on and so on and so forth. BONUS: I can pretend to be Don Johnson and wear SO MANY pastels!

CK: Sounds a lot like Scarface except instead of guns, drugs and women it will be you, Twitter for iPhone app and Logan Morrison.

ZWR: Hey, did you know that Logan Morrison likes to use Twitter?!

So Roy Halladay Pitched Yesterday (7.24.11 v. Padres)

The collective storyline following Roy's outing in Chicago went something like this: "zOMG Roy Halladay melted he can't pitch in the heat ever never could this probably means he's too old oh dear the Phils' aging rotation is finally breaking down it likely won't be cold in October but if it does it surely then won't be a Doctober in Philadelphia is it too early to be concerned? NO! Be concerned zut alors it was nice while it lasted I hope he doesn't die on the mound on Sunday because it's going to be a a hundred and fifty degrees out poor guy is probably going to die right there on the spot and if so he's likely to lose again".

No overreaction at all.

So, I ask you--what did you expect the defending Cy Young Award winner/best pitcher on the best rotation on the best team/noted for his conditioning and work ethic as much as his ability specimen that is Harry Leroy Halladay to throw in the face of that sh*tshow?

8 IP, 2 ER, 8 K (5 Cuttered, 3 So Cuttered), win number 12, didn't pass out and wasn't eaten by real or symbolic vultures.

Take your absurd hyperbole and need for creating stories to fill space better left sleeping elsewhere, the world.



Sunday, July 24, 2011

Saturday, July 23, 2011

"There's something out there waiting for us, and it ain't no man."

Dutch: What's got Billy so spooked?
Sergeant Mac Eliot: Can't say, Major. Been actin' squirrelly all morning. That damned nose of his... it's weird.
Dutch: What is it? Billy? What the hell is wrong with you?
Billy: There's something in those trees.
Dutch: Do you see anything?
Billy: Up there ahead.
Dutch: Nothing. What do you think?
Billy: I guess it's nothing, Major.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Rich Dubee and Greg Gross Discuss The Heat

"How about this heat?"

"Man, it's a scorcher!"
"I know, right? I'm burning up."

"Me too. I dropped the thermostat last night and was still toasty."

"Baking the walls."


"My grass is toast."

"Mine too. Good luck getting the wife to help with that."


"I can't remember it being this bad."

"Yeah... sure is somethin'. *keeps arms crossed* My phone said it may get to 103 today."

"Man alive."

"Darn desert weather."

"Humid, too."

"That can be even worse than the heat."

"Yeah, a dry heat isn't as oppressive."

"It's downright stifling. You can cut it with a knife."

"I got out of the shower, and by the time I finished drying myself I needed to hop back in."

"Haha, I hear you. Crazy."

"Who's pitching today?"

 "Hamels. It'll definitely be a bad hair day..."

"Ha." *shakes head disapprovingly*

"Yepppp, sure is a hot one."

"You got that right."

Thursday, July 21, 2011


Yesterday during the CSN broadcast, ZWR/Vanimal enthusiast and neo-celebrity @215Kate was spotted by a camera man with impeccable taste and fashion sense, and the following closeup of the WORLY? shirt appeared during the Phillies game for what must have been like half an hour, judging by the volume of tweets and e-mail I received. (Editor's note: Don't read that the wrong way, it makes me infinitely giddy)

Apparently, T-Mac even commented on the shirt's ironic and deeply rooted internet meme brilliance by blurting*, "AHAHAHAHAHHA Wheels, how about that! A Vance Worley fan group all the way here in Chic-ago! AHAHAHAHA. And hey, speaking of fan groups, Wheels, what do you think of Michael Martinez's performance lately, Wheels? Talk about an Italian Beef! AHAHAHAHA. Safe and secure with New York Life. AHAHAHAHA."

I love you, DVR

ZWR shirts are 15% off with use of the topical coupon code 'SOCUTTERED' at checkout? You didn't? Haha, no really, that's funny. But YA WORLY, they are. So if you're a hipster and want your torso zoomed the zoom in on for all the television viewing public, get to it.

Trade Deadline Note: Relax people. Have you learned nothing?


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