Here at zoowithroy.com it's an unrelenting goal to provide you donkeys with the sharpest and most comprehensive baseball analysis on the web. To that end, I reached out recently to one of my favorite publications, Baseball Brospectus, to get their take on where the Phils- from a farm to stars, holistic perspective- stand as we approach the non-waiver trade deadline. As always, their hard-hitting, intelligent evaluation did not disappoint. Enjoy.
Aces and Sh*t
Roy Halladay – Awwwww Shucky Ducky.
Cliff Lee – He’s all like, “Yo, whatever, bro”, and I can relate.
Roy Broswalt – This kid never forgot where he came from bro and that’s real much respect.
Cole Hamels – Such a chill bro that I wouldn’t be surprised if he made his wife chug a Smirnoff during their wedding reception and was like, “Survive that, bro!”
Vance Worley The Vanimal, Bro – New wave killer rockin the brauxhawk and beer goggles.
Ryan Madson – Oh snap Mad Dog has a fuse shorter than short yo.
Antonio BastardBRO – Freakshow level scary kid come at him I dare you you’re gonna look stupid plain and simple.
Mike Stutes – Not for nothin.
Carlos Broiz – He’s the CEBro of this whole things MAKING ALL THE CALLS like Bill Gates and Jack Welch up in this piece but only kid wouldn’t cause no recession.
RyAn HoWaRd – BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE, SON. MAD LUV Lol
Chase Utley – Keyser Broze level bad yo he’s the best.
Placido Brolanco – Bro this kid’s head is so big we call him Mayor McCheese but for real he can hit like it’s no joke.
Jimmy Brollins – Straight swagger fresh to death, I once saw him chug a vodka and Red Bull and then hit a ball like six hunny.
Raul Ibronez – Yo this old head is ancient as sh*t you might see him singing on street corners but straight spits that classic game hahahaha love it.
Shane Victorinbro – People step to him because he’s so small but I swear this kid’s the sh*t bro he’ll straight smack you in the mouth like his bro BJ Penn.
Domonic Bro-wn – Aw man, Marlo Stansfield hahahahaha
Carbros Brotran – Kid has skills just needs some new boys to roll with he got held back by his weaksauce crew.
Hunter Six Pence None The Richer, Bro—not for nothing I used to love that song straight up I’m not even gonna lie.
Brose Mesa – Joe Table got the product son you know where the hook-up is hahahaha
Jarred Brosart—You’d hate to give up a guy as chill as this but if that’s what it takes to win the whole enchilada sometimes you just gotta man up and ice a bro when he least expects it.
Bronathan Singleton ("Bro in the Hood")—Oh sh*t, son, straight up.
Bro-dy Colvin—Don’t actually know nothing about this kid but for real his name’s literally Bro, bro.
Jesse Biddle – We call him “BIDNESS” nuff said.