So, yeah, the Phillies won last night and Roy Halladay picked up his 15th victory of the season. Only thing is I totally fell asleep kind of midway through or something so instead of writing some hacky game recap I'll just tell you about the dream I had while--I presume--the game was going on.
*Wayne's World dream sequence effect*
I'm managing a project to build what I'm marketing as the world's only open-air, upside down water slide at Morey's Pier. Things are going well: I have a tremendous relationship with the local union leaders, we've worked out a deal with Hot Spots 1, 2, and 4 for Free French Fries Fridays on the job site, my "I've Got an Italian Attitude" shirt draws laughs whenever I wear it to our PMGC meetings. Life can't be better.
Then Anderson gets stupid. The chief design engineer and a major pain, he's your typical engineer, always tinkering. One morning he comes into my trailer and I can just tell he's going to annoy me.
"We need to put turbo boosters at the base of the loop, Rick."
"What?!" (scrapple goes flying everywhere)
"Water jets. To make sure people make it all the way around."
"Are you kidding me? That's why we gave this thing the most boss first drop ever! The science backs me, here!"
"I can't put anyone's life at risk, Rick!!!"
My phone rings. Oh great, it's the permits guy.
"Talk to me Pat?"
"Rick, we need to talk."
"Didn't I already kind of acknowledge that?"
"What is it, Pat?"
"We had the review board comb over the appeal, and we're gonna need you to put a roof on that loop."
"Pat... Pat... Don't do this to me today, Pat. We've been over this a thousand times!"
"Nothin' I can do about it, bud. The township and commission both said the same thing. They can't deal with the press of someone dropping outta this slide. We're a tourist town!"
"But who's this for? I got the science on my side! Who's falling off this thing?"
"The big booties."
"I never... Anderson, your models and designs all accounted for big booties, right?"
"Dude, Anderson hates my face and even he said this thing can loop a big booty. This is the donkey that wants aqua jets at the base of a sick first drop, and even he don't want no roof (when I get mad, I go South Philly)."
There's a pause.
"I... I... there's nothing I can do, Rick."
"You're going on speaker. Listen up, Anderson. I'm sick of all this red tape. All I want to do is build the best water slide ever, for the beach town that I love. I'm gonna tell you something here. I didn't design this thing in some ivory tower. I didn't come up with the idea at a board meeting or in engineering school. No, I conceived it from my mom-mom's front porch, right there (points West), two blocks off this boardwalk and down the street from the bike rental cottage. You're not taking that little boy's dream away from him. No way, no how. Now what was that about the big booties?"
"I may be able to chase a variance, Rick."
"And the turbo boosters?"
"It is a pretty dope drop. Gimme five to ten more vert and I can live without jets."
I smile in Anderson's direction.
"Now that's what I like to hear, boys."
"You know what you sonofabitch, that shirt's right- you really do have an Italian attitude!"
But yeah like I said Roy won and we're awesome.