Wednesday, November 2, 2011

MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT: First Annual ZWR Halloween Costume Contest Winner!

Wow, you donkeys rule! The submissions we received this year for the First Annual ZWR Halloween Costume Contest were, by-and-large, awesome. I mean, when a dog dressed like Mr. T doesn’t win you know the field was stacked.

What we’re going to do now is unprecedented (Vince the Brewer: duh- this is the first contest, Hammer!): an open look into the thought process of our distinguished panel- me, Craney, Danger Guerrero, ZWR Supermodel Alex Reardon, and Vince the Brewer. Hopefully you’ll gain from this insight into how this whole thing shook out, background on the decision-making process, and an understanding of our appreciation for the entries. That and/or random, stupid jokes.

The most important element of all, though, is who wonned! {Drum roll, please}

AINOES RITE?! That’s Bridget’s ten year old daughter Emma as Buddy the Elf. Do me a favor kid, sell it some more...

BOOM! I love it so, so, so much! BESTEST EVER! Emma’s getting a guest post. What were your guys thoughts, the distinguished panel?

CK: Hi. For me this decision was a no-brainer the second I saw this, with all due to respect to the Iron Sheik entry. Besides being adorable and really getting into the Buddy the Elf character, IT SNOWED OUTSIDE. When does it ever even snow in October? Never that’s when. That was a sign from Santa himself. He’s real, you know.

Bridget, I request that you make this your family holiday card this year and I also request that I am added to the distribution list. (Seriously I want one I will email you my address) (ZWR: ME TOO!) Congrats again little elf. You rule. I can’t wait to read your post. Don’t eat too much candy. Actually eat as much as you’d like you’ve earned it.

 DG: Adorable to the max. This almost makes stupid October snow worth it. (RELATED: November Rain, the song > November rain, the precipitation > October Snow)

ZWR: Imagining Danger and Craney doing a duet of “Baby It’s Cold Outside”.

Reardon: Ive been wooed already


Zooey Deschanel With Leon Redbone

CK: well maybe just a half a drink more....

Reardon: This costume just beats the pants off the rest. As the fellas have said, the timing on the costume was perfect. Snow in October? Hate it. This costume? Love it. Am I going to continue to answer my own questions? Yes.

ZWR: Really?

Reardon: 4RELL!

Vince the Brewer: The foresight to be Buddy the Elf during a Halloween where we saw snow is just unbelievable. I picture Emma screaming “IT’S SANTA!” at the top of her lungs. As ZWR mentioned the dog dressed like Mr. T was phenomenal but Emma in the snow had to win. Your boss Santa forgot to pay his tab the last time he was here, man can he drink. I assume with your cash prize you can pay.....oh, no cash prize? What is ZWR awarding? Really? The discount code Salamiwrap? That’s it? I can’t wait to see your post Emma, make us proud.

Thanks, Vince. Best in the business. Let’s move on to our runner up and bronze medalist.

Second Place: Jill (and friend) as Daria (and Jane)!

ZWR: Cha cha cha! Remember how the football player in Daria always walked around in his uniform, with the shoulder pads and all? That’s how I envision Vince the Brewer. He goes to birthday parties with a sack of grains slung over his shoulder, gives the toddler a double deuce of Imperial Milk Stout, and rams a beer tap into a two liter of ginger ale.

CK: I really hope these two stayed in character all night. I picture some dude dressed up like Pauly D trying to make small talk and getting the stink eye. HEY YO YOU GIRLS LIKE BEER PONG? What-ever excuse me um yeah please go away.

DG: La la la. [“Daria” theme song gets stuck in head all day]

ZWR: Alex is probably wikipedia-ing “Daria” to see what these weird old dorks are talking about...

Reardon: Hey, hey, hey! I was old enough... barely.

Vince the Brewer: CK, I was that “beer pong” guy. Settle down, Hammer. ZWR, I keep a tap and cold keg in my truck at all times. You never know when a tailgate might break out, or when CK wants to start a drum circle. He’s such a hippie. Treat honest gentleman like the guys on this panel with little to no respect and you still get 2nd place? That’s BS! I quit. Sorry, I always had a thing for Daria and she never wrote back. I’m sure you ladies are much nicer than she is.

ZWR: SPAEK. I like how Vince invariably ends up writing to the entrants.

Reardon: Hey Vince, we’re not. P.S. send me beer.


Vince the Brewer: ZWR, I am a man of the people. Alex, I have a thing for bad girls. That is how I fell in love with ZWR. *kisses* I would send you beer but FedEx frowns upon it and Alex really can’t miss anymore classes.

Alex: No, that’s actually true. I don’t have any more skips left. Wednesdays at the Draught Horse, AMIRITE???

Vince the Brewer: Nightly at Iron Hill North Wales (first shameless plug).

CK: Seriously where the hell is North Wales? I keep googling it only to repeatedly end up on a Catherine Zeta-Jones fansite. Not complaining. Just saying.

Vince the Brewer: CK it’s kind of like a mixture Springfield from the Simpsons and a boat in lawless waters. Nobody know where we are, but we can get as weird as we want up here.

Third Place: Halloween Jayson Wertz with Captain Underpants in the background.

ZWR: I love that t-shirt like a family member. And the tiny toddler baseball bat. Underpants in the background gives it a certain “spice” that just puts it over the top.

CK: New meme idea - photoshopping Captain Underpants back there into a variety of zany situations. Get to it, people.

DG: DO YOU GUYS GET IT? JA(y)SON! I bet this guy got way more candy than he deserved and when he sat down to eat it he ended up spilling half of it in the toilet.

Reardon: Captain Underpants: “SOON.” This picture kinda creeps me out in a weird way.

Vince the Brewer: It never hurts to wear a t-shirt from the website that you are sending a submission to.


Reardon: Zinger.

Vince the Donkeyface: I like the play on JAySON. I’m assuming that is the bat Jayson uses in real life? Did you drop to one knee when you reached for some candy and missed the bowl completely? Captain Underpants is DG’s nickname, so weird to see somebody steal his identity. Well played JAySON.

DG: It’s “Chief” Underpants, Vince. I’ve been promoted, and I would appreciate it if you addressed me with the respect I so richly deserve.

ZWR: Oh great, here comes one of his police movie dialogues...

CK: Hey guys blah blah blah my name is Knucklebutt Johnson and I’m a police detective who runs a kickboxing gym on the side.

DG: You two are the worst. Never change.

Reardon: ~*wavies*~ JAySON

ZWR: Wait what is a "wavies"?

CK: Seriously I don’t know what to make of Captain Underpants. Kind of reminds me of the background of Edvard Munch’s The Scream.

Vince the Brewer: Way to go out on a limb, Art History McGee. Were Starry Night and Impression Sunrise taken?

CK: [double-take]

Vince the Brewer: [touchdown dance]

Reardon: I swear Captain Underpants is going to go Jason all over JAySON.

And now, here’s a bunch of pictures of all the entrants in no particular order for you to enjoy.

No lie Danger fought so hard for "muscle ninja"

Yes. He's a poopstain.


I pity the drool!

Baby Loctastic <3

Whew, that's a lot. Okay kids, stay tuned for awesome Emma's post!!!


  1. Hold on there Vince, not so fast-

  2. Alex is even hotter for not wearing a slutty version of something as a costume.

  3. For the record, we did stay in character all night, recounting episodes of Sick, Sad World in monotone and extending a halfhearted arm five second late for any volleyballs that came our way.


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