Thursday, December 29, 2011

Charlie Learns About the Winter Classic

a Cranekicker End of Year Special

Hey I’m bored anyone wanna go with me to see Roy run up and down the steps again for a little bit I heard he’s out there.

Sure why not it’s only the end of December yet you demand that we all show up here every day and do nothing.

Now don’t go gettin fresh like it’s the first bird that gets to eat worms when he wants to now let’s go watch Roy.

Sounds awesome.

What the heck is this? Why is there like a skating rink in the middle of the field for?

Ummm, you know they’re playing a hockey game here in like four days right?

HOCKEY?! This here is a ballpark there ain’t no hockey here they like play hockey inside like it should be at the Fargo place across the street.


No Kyle.


Am I really the only one who knows they are playing the Winter Classic here?

Nah I know about it. Me and Krystle are going. Box seats bro.

Box seats huh? Pretty nice. Must’ve been a Christmas gift. Hey I almost forgot, I have a little something for you too.

Really?! Awesome, thanks Rube.

Open it. You can actually wear it to the game.

This isn’t funny anymore.

No really have fun at the Winter Classic I’m sure the cold weather mixed with beer and cheesesteaks will really help that Achilles tendon come along quicker. Me? I’ll be warm and toasty on a beach down Mexico way. I hear there’s a power hitting first baseman with a huge upside in Oaxaca. Might swing by there too.

Fine I won’t go to the Winter Classic I will work out all day and the day after that and keep working out until my other Achilles blows up.

Bet. Adios muchachos.

Hayb a nie dime Ruben. Don drink de wadder or chu weel get da runs.

I wish you would get me some runs next year. Feliz año Nuevo and all that good stuff.

He better not bring back any pitchers.

Oh my god will you relax.

Yeah Kall take like a chilled pill or somethin you’re always all strung up. Hey wait like what the heck is Roy doin down there?

It looks like he is running sprints on the hockey rink barefoot.

Monn that guy is a real gamer. He is all aboot honing his croft. I wish I could boddle up thot energy and spread it arawnd my guys in the lawker room.

Ahaha chu tawnk fonny.

That’s a cheap sholt. You wanna go?

Wayer are we goeeng?

I’ll drowp you right werr you stahnd.

Ay easy now this ain’t like a hockey game you can’t just go around like fighting people and stuff whenever you want we’re just like havin a talk here.

My apollagees.

Ohhhhh my god this is such beautiful place. Like Mikhaylovsky Castle but for hockey. Rink is under sky to look up at. So humongous big to look up. Is like you can just keep going up hahaha just keep going to like space station.

Oh fir f$%kin f#$%’s sakes what the f#$% are you goin on aboot now?

This place Mr. Peter. Is like opening for spaceship to come down. Like landing pad for UFO. They are real the UFO. And ice is like signal. For aliens to come visit at Classic.

Get the hell down there and practice before you embarross yourself on noshional TV.

Too late for that hahaha.

Yag’s my friend. Let us go to see ice. Together.

Get away from me.

Many grooves in ice surface. Like small canal for water to travel to village. Like what if there is many village all in ice? And we skate? Maybe we like are destroying village or something.

I dunno like what to even say right now.

Wellcom to my worild, eh?

I go to see ice myself to help village protect.

Maaaaybe we should go with him. I don’t want him to freak out Roy.

Hello to man on ice with no shoes! My name Ilya. Please be careful to watch step as not to hurt ice people.


Chu cain speak!?!


Sounds good Roy. Enjoy your workout. Let’s go everyone.

No no we don’t leave. I am hockey goalie I play on ice for job. We practice now to prepare for classic battle against the Rangers team of New YoooooOOOOMG LOOK UP AT SKY FROM HERE IS LIKE PLANETARIUM BACK IN MOSCOW. You know planetarium in Moscow close for 17 years and now open again? Is so wonderful for everyone to see universe again like to look up at planets and everything hey everyone lay down with me to look up at sky.

Hey this is fun look I’m doing a snow angel hey Roy look at me!

Sorry. Sorry sorry sorry. I’m sorry.

He make a face… a face like he could see into soul of man. We will go now. Goodbye barefoot soul reaper.


  1. Barefoot soul reaper...bawaaa!!

  2. Funny. Lavy isn't Canadian though.

  3. Have you ever heard him talk?

  4. Jesus Christ. If Bryz and Roy ever were to meet, I want to be there. It'd be like a meeting of the fucking minds.

  5. nailed lavvy to the TIZZLE!!

  6. These make me so happy.

  7. These things are nothing short of brilliant. Thank you


Leave a comment, or whatever.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...