Monday, February 28, 2011

MARLINS GM CLAIMS TO **HATE** THE PHILLIES


"I hate their dumb faces...the Phillies, that's who I'm talking about. I hate them. I hate them more than pretty much everything in life -- and no, I won't back track on this statement when some reporter from Philly calls to question me on it."
 -- Source not yet confirmed
With their not being a traditional rival, this comment from Michael Hill sort of caught me off guard. Despite that surprise, one can accept the argument that it makes sense notionally, what with our successes of late.

I'll try to muster up some animosity when we play the teal n' silver, though I can't make any promises.

1:05 p.m.


Getty Images

He's back! Fresh off his Academy Award victory for best cutter in a lead role, Roy is back in Florida today rearing to break faces.

But today will probably just be a real light tune up for Roy to work on some things -- although I can't possibly imagine what types of things Roy could need to improve upon. Nevertheless, you should probably ratchet down your expectations to something like: 7 IP, 12K's, 94 pitches. After all, it's only the first real game of spring training.

Also: SO CUTTERED.

It felt good to type that

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Who's the Fifth Starter?


 
@loctastic wants everyone to know that his son has the fifth starter situation under control 

So this is probably the most adorable thing that's been on the bolg since we were playing Buster Posey in the NLCS. But yo, seriously. I plan on making like eleventy12 posts this year entitled "Who's the Fifth Starter?" So send in pics of you wearing Fifth Starter and other ZWR apparel out there in the world and they'll get posted right here on the bolg.




OH- and if you happen to be in the market for said apparel, you should know that all purchases of $35 or more can be practically stolen had for a 17% discount with the code "17OFF".

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Hi, 2011 Season


Today, donkeys, we raise the flag on a new season. As well it happens at the ZWR house (apologies to my neighbors for the brass ensemble).

Friday, February 25, 2011

R2C2 Episode II + Hits or GTFO + ZWR Logo + Shamrocks!


Dude: it's Friday, I just released some brand new shirts that are pretty awesome, the Phillies' first actual professional spring training game is tomorrow, and Spreadshirt is running a killer discount right now (17% off on $35 or more with the code '17OFF'). What more could you want from a ZWR post right now? Ninja turtles?! Psshhh, that was so Wednesday! J-Roll with a Pete Rose haircut?! Ditto. So yo, check these out. And be sure to tell your friends, retweet, post to your wall and spam Mets message boards with links to these new threads.

Don't forget: 17% off of $35 or more with the code 17OFF at checkout

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The Phillies Starting Rotation as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles


Photoshop courtesy of Dan Levy over at Press Coverage

Roy Halladay is Leonardo
The stoic, unspoken leaders of their respective crews. Roy has a million other interests and skills, just like the turtle named for the Italian polymath. In addition to at one time wearing blue, both are also the most technically skilled in their respective crafts. Both carry two blades as weapons (known as Cuttered and So Cuttered, respectively).


Cliff Lee is Donatello
Introverted and cerebral, both are the least interested of his brethren in the hugeness of the human experience (which may or may not explain Lee's spurning New York). Each is the least outwardly aggressive of their respective groups as well, but still manages to dominate through sheer brilliance and technical mastery. When you least expect it, each can surprise you with a confident, dramatic flair. Both names look great in all caps.


Roy Oswalt is Raphael
Roy O., like Raphael, is known as the bad boy not afraid to throw the first punch in combat. Each has the thickest accent of all their respective foursomes. Likewise, they also both feature the funkiest weapon of choice the most funky weapons—Raphael with his goofy three-pronged spikey things, and Roy 2 with his slow, looping curveball. Both look great in red. Killer aerial slide tactics:


Cole Hamels is Michaelangelo
"Cowabunga, dude!" Both have laidback, southern California, surfer dude personalities. Both likely to show up to a meeting wearing board shorts. And you know there’s a 90% chance Cole spent one entire offseason living on nothing but pizza. Seemingly innocent like Michaelangelo’s nunchuks, Cole’s changeup is an incredibly deadly weapon.



Charlie Manuel is Splinter
Sage-like leaders known for their pearls of one-line wisdom, both are long-in-the-tooth but feisty senseis that perfected their crafts in Japan.



Joe Blanton is Casey Jones
Big, dopey, and often forgotten friend of the main four characters. But on occasion he serves quite useful, so they let him tag along as he chooses while fighting crime/dominating the National League. Both feature a baseball bat as their main weapon of choice



Ruben Amaro is Krang
So assured in his genius that he borders on villainry, Amaro is just as Krang is portrayed: a nasty, brilliant brain. Whereas the latter built the Technodrome, Amaro is the designer and chief architect of something much more sinisterly devastating: the greatest pitching staff in the history of forever.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Joe Blanton Ruins Yet Another Media Appearance


(original) Pic from Todd Zolecki's blog

J-Roll's 2011 Swag Begins to Take Shape


Great Moments in Roy Halladay Advice Giving



One critically important piece of news that got little attention yesterday was this article from the Allentown Morning Call.

It was about-- actually, heck, you don't even have to read it. I'll sum up the relevant/awesome parts: 

Headline:   
"Halladay gives his boss some pointers"

Block Quote:
Roy Halladay let Charlie handle his spring training speech his way last year. This season, Halladay couldn't resist passing along some advice to his boss: No more off-the-cuff remarks.

"I even had a pad this year," Manuel said. "Halladay suggested that I take a note pad. He said it looked more professional, more official. I said, 'OK, Roy, I'll do it just for you.'"

You see, people. This is why I'm going to the zoo with that guy. Because he's like your dad and your boss and your best friend and your ace pitcher and personal trainer all rolled into one.

But anyway, I did some more research and was able to uncover some other great pieces of advice given by Roy.


Great Moments in Roy Halladay Advice Giving

"Roy looked at me and said, 'Dave, pull the camera in from the left rather than slow fade.' It changed the whole movie. None of this happens without him."  --David Fincher, Director


"I was going to launch a nineteen meat cheese-stuffed butter crust triangular pizza, but then Roy suggested we just acknowledge that our food stinks. I never would have gone that route. Now we're the lovable losers and Papa John is just some regular loser throwing bombs at tailgates. Thanks Roy!"  --Patrick Doyle, President of Domino's Pizza


"And then Roy said, 'What about an unconventional mascot? People will never expect that from a stuffy insurance company. Something like a lizard, or a gecko.'" -- Warren Buffet


"So I laid what I thought was the finished the track and told everyone we were done. Then Roy steps in and says, 'Eric, I think you can do a bit more here- maybe with a solo.' I look at him and say, 'mate are you sure- a solo at the end of a song?'"  Eric Clapton, Derek and the Dominos


"I had just finished packing, and all of a sudden my phone rings. It was Roy, totally out of nowhere. I had never even met him before, but being from Colorado I was familiar with who he was. Before I could even ask how he got my number, he blurted out: 'Don't forget to pack your pocket knife.' To this day it still gives me the chills to talk about it." -- Aron Ralston, Former Outdoorsman


"Did I want to step down? No. Did I feel as if I had to step down? No. But what Roy said touched me more deeply than the revolt of a nation disenfranchised and unified in its clamor for change."  --Mubarak Whateverhisnameis


"We were sitting around having breakfast- it was a rainy morning and I was feeling terribly down on my luck. I'm over here in the States, totally miserable, my career is going nowhere... end of the world and all of that rubbish. I look up from my eggs at Roy and sigh, 'What can I offer people that they'll ever care about?' He takes a sip of coffee, looks me square in the eyes, and says, 'Reality'." --Mark Burnett, Reality TV Impresario


"Roy told me, look, you need a great logo. And a good slogan. I may not agree with all your stances on policy, but the people want change-- so give it to them." -- B. Obama


Sunday, February 20, 2011

Casual Fan Project


27 States. 113 Ball Games. 1 Season. That's what it says right there at the top of the page, and that's what ZWR contributor and bolg friend Tug Haines is going to be doing this Spring/Summer. You're jealous, right? It's okay to admit it, I am. Fortunately, we can still take part in it to some small extent, as Tug's chronicling the journey over at Casual Fan. I kindly request that you check it out, I know you'll enjoy.

(Yo- one of those 113 games is going to be with **me** so make sure to read that particular entry when it happens)



Friday, February 18, 2011

zOMG It's Poll Friday


How many games will Roy Halladay win this season?
43 - 50
41 - 42
33 - 40
20 -32
Eleventy









  
pollcode.com free polls
How much funk will J-Roll flow?
Yeah girl
Oh snap
Awwwwww yeah











  
pollcode.com free polls


CLIFF LEE?
CLIFF LEE!
CLIFF LEE...
CLIFF LEE.








  
pollcode.com free polls

Dom Brown's primary domonation will come by way of his immaculate...
Dongs
Hose





  
pollcode.com free polls

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Natinals Presale, Phillies Fan Invasion Fun


Hey, remember last year when the DC newspapers and all seven Nats fans fretted rather publicly about us donkeys taking over their ballpark? Well now we get to do it again! Starting today at 10AM, you can gain access to the Exclusive Nationals Insider Presale by using the promo code "INSIDER" (I assume you can log into their servers with "password").

Also, included below is a quick look at the early schedule to chart the starting pitchers.

Trust me... you're going to like it. Just like Cliff Lee's shirt said:

Pic from Todd Zolecki's funnel cake-lovin' blog

Yeah-- BOOM:



Oh and just saying, but if you somehow forget about this or get distracted because Bagel Cart Bob showed up at your office because it's Bagel Cart Bob Thursdays or whatever, you can always get tickets from your favoritest person ever.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

A #ZWR #Phillies #SpringTraining1994 #Bolg #Post




As each and every last one of you know, I've been having some fun with the #SpringTraining1994 twinker hashbrown tag. And while it was only fair to consider the possibility that such a discourse could walk us down a path lit by remembrance* of youth (or at least younger times) and narrated by the whispers of past thoughts (there's neither time nor use now for the judging), I certainly wasn't expecting the glory of genuine, vintage high school journalism to come across my desk. 

But it did, and I will share it. Many thanks to Casey

Article courtesy of the 1994 Spring Ford High School Rampage. GO RAMS



*You knew that would lead to Proust. 

To wit: But it was in vain that I lingered before the hawthorns, to breathe in, to marshal before my mind (which knew not what to make of it), to lose in order to rediscover their invisible and unchanging odour, to absorb myself in the rhythm which disposed their flowers here and there with the light-heartedness of youth, and at intervals as unexpected as certain intervals of music; they offered me an indefinite continuation of the same charm, in an inexhaustible profusion, but without letting me delve into it any more deeply, like those melodies which one can play over a hundred times in succession without coming any nearer to their secret. I turned away from them for a moment so as to be able to return to them with renewed strength.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Joe Blanton is... The Other Starter



 From IMDB:
SYNOPSIS
When Joe Blanton, now a professional baseball player, is 'graduated' out of the training school where he has resided for many years because of his lack of relative talent, his hope is that he will be accepted for all that he can now do for himself. But Joe's team is now wealthy, which permits his general manager, already blinded to his fifth starter's rather high-functioning abilities, to try and provide for Joe beyond his needs (like forcing him to appear at press conferences), bringing forth  inevitable confrontations. 

For what Joe may lack in pitching ability relative to his celebrity peers, he certainly makes up for in his insistence on being independent, even  living in his own apartment and having his own locker in the clubhouse. But if this isn't enough, into the mix comes a young man, equally talent-challenged, who moves Joe beyond anyone's control...


Thanks to ANONYMOUS for the submission. 

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Pitchers and Catchers!!!










RIP HAPPOPOTAMUS : (


ZWR in the Wild w/ @petzrawr, Pitchers & Catchers 6 ABC Weekend A.M. News Edition



"No no, it's okay--yeah, I get that a lot. Yes, I am in fact the guy from that Tastykake commercial. Oh, um, the shirt? That's an ill ZWR joint..." (paraphrasing)
As seen on your 6:00 a.m. Sunday Action News broadcast! I know you were all up and watching live, but in case you weren't, here's a picture. Thanks to Craig for the picture.

This can only mean one thing. And that is that ZWR and the Phillies and Roy Halladay and Domonic Brown and little Roy and Cole Hamels' backpack dog and Ross Gload will soon be ready to break faces in 2011.

  



Friday, February 11, 2011

A-Rod Photojobs


 

So what do we know? It's Friday- the weekend. That's when we have fun. Whether you're an old-head going down to PJ McHouliCuttyRileyHann's for growlers and appetizer samplers or a youngster with designs on hitting up an off-campus ATO party to sing "Come On Ride the Train" in a kiddy pool full of White Russian and roofies while "Sketch" makes a Jager-train on the beer pong table in the hat he stole from the Amtrak conductor when he took the Acela to Connecticut (his dad's a COO and has a job on Wall Street  lined up for after he graduates plus an awesome apartment in Brooklyn /life's not fair but we have Cliff Lee) last Fall Break, poop's going down.

What we also know: everyone hates A-Rod. (hahaha Yankees - CLIFF LEE!)


As such, since you're already reveling, and the Cole Hamels Fist Pump exercise was a thing of glory, I recommend that in the brief moments between happy drunk and "omg I'm going to poop myself" you all send me your awesome photojobs of the popcorn incident. Have Cameron Diaz be feeding A-Rod __________; have ______________be putting the popcorn into A-Rod's mouth: have Cameron Diaz putting ___________ into A-Rod's mouth. You get the idea.

Go nuts. This will test your skill as a photojobber, because seriously that's the best picture I could find of the "The Popcorn Incident". If anyone has a better one, send it to me. 

I'll post the best ones here on the bolg over the weekend or whenever, as we all kind of ease our way into pitchers and catchers with some good ol' Yankees schadenfreude. The best entry or two, as chosen by me, wins a free t-shirt of their choice from my shop*. Just try and keep it within the PG-13/R borderline.

To Submit Pics
Submit your entry by posting them on the bolg's Facebook wall or by e-mailing using the Zmail link in the nav bar. If you want credit for your work, stick your name or twitter handle or CB call sign in the photo somewhere, because I'm just a one man show and I don't have time to give proper credit to everyone and besides you're gonna want your name on there when people steal your work and post it elsewhere, trust me. 





*POSTSCRIPT
Speaking of which, it has come to some ZWR fans' attention (mostly because one told me and then I told the rest of them) that the following code may or may not be used effectively for a 15% discount on all ZWR tees: BZ8RSWJ 

So give it a try, but I can't guarantee that it will work

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

ZWRTIXXX.biz (Zoo With Roy Partners with TiqIQ)


 

What's up, donkey?

So you remember The Fightins, right? More particularly, the Fightins Tickets site that they set up with TiqIQ? Well check this, those guys got in touch with me and were all, "omg ZWR blah blah blah we love you (fawn) etc. whatever we should totally partner up"and I was all, "wait what" and they were all, "you remember The Fightins, right? more particularly, the Fightins Tickets?" and I was all, "of course... but that's Meech's turf" but then they were like, "dude shut up he's the one who said to contact you." (That's why he's the zoowithroy.com ombudsperson)

I forget what I was saying.


Oh, yes! So in light of the fact that my kid's daycare cost more per year than in-state tuition to the University of Virginia (that's not a joke) and Phillies fans seem to love me I'ma throw the ol' TiqIQ around with you all.

Here's the way I look at it: the Phils are pretty much sold out for the whole season, so if you're going to get to any games this year you either already have the tickets or you're going to acquire them from a third party. If the latter is the case and you're a fan of my bolg, why not just throw me a bone and buy them through my incredibly awesome and well designed TiqIQ widget thingy? Right? Exactly.


There are absolutely no extra costs involved, above and beyond what you were going to pay using a third party service anyway... so don't be afraid. We can do this... and, you'll make me one very grateful bolg writer/auteur who wants to go to the zoo with a certain 2010-2014 NL Cy Young Award winner.

But seriously, no pressure--I'm hip to whatever so long as you're making yourselves happy with the amount of games you attend and finding a healthy life balance. This isn't Egypt or anything. Just if you find yourself looking for tickets you can check some out through the link in the navigation menu or that great little widget that's now folded neatly into the bolg.

Like an omelette. 


Oh, and Google now has this feature where it lets me post any picture from the bolg's history in a post without too much effort, so prepare to see random awesome pictures from the ZWRchives scattered throughout future posts, just because. 

The theme of these pics was, "People who bought one of my shirts last year and wore it to the ballpark and took a picture and sent it to me to post on the bolg." The cynical amongst you might think, "but yeah hey, ZWR, I see what you're trying to do! You're including all these pictures of attractive people smiling at baseball games in hopes that you'll brainwash us into buying tickets to baseball games exclusively through your newfangled ticket thingy!" 

Pronounced, "Tick-I.Q."
You see girl, like I've always said-- you're special to me because you notice the little things that others don't. So go try it out and let me know you what you think.

Also, here are some dudes:

 ^  +millionty-one cool points

Thanks for reading all that. This season is going to be a lot of fun, and I have some cool ideas in store and special stuff planned to make this season at ZWR the funnerest (hopefully. maybe.). 

As always, thanks for reading and being a fan. I really, truly appreciate it.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Spring (Face-)Break is Almost Here



Claim that spot in the left field grass,
For eventual Fall roots to take
These dear Spring days, sprinkled, must pass,
Yo, it's almost here, Spring (Face-) Break!


 click for full size
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