by ZWR and Cranekicker
Charlie are you okay baby? Your Twitter is blowing up.
Not
now Jimmy I told you I ain’t got time for that twinkies stuff I just
need to get a dial tone here so I can call up Winston and let him know
I’m here for him and his family I loved them being around the
clubhouse
man this one hurts me.
His family was around the clubhouse?
Yeah
man all them goats and stuff with the beards. So much love and we never
had like extra food and junk leftover in the locker room and they were
always goin like “Meehhhh” makin that sound it would crack me up good.
Love those guys.
You thought the goats were his family?
Man’s
best friend ain’t you read Mutley and Me? Come on. Why you think they
have like human names like everyone names their goat Billy sometimes.
Dogs really are a part of the family’s soul, Jimmy. We bring ours everywhere.
I
KNOW RIGHT COLE I LOVE DOGS THEY ARE SO AWESOME AND HAVE SO MUCH ENERGY
AND ARE ALWAYS RUNNING AROUND AND JUMPING AND BARKING AND PANTING AND
PLAYING FRISBEE GOLF AND LOVE GOING TO THE PARK I LOVE THE PARK IT’S
GREAT THERE ARE TREES THERE AND LOTS OF GRASS SOMETIMES PEOPLE GET
DOGGIES SHOES AND SWEATERS AND STUFF IT’S FUNNY I’M LIKE MAN THAT POOCH
HAS STYLE!
Bro I got a story about doggy style...
They were goats!
Enough! Winston was an All-Star show some respect we just lost an intergrill part of the team case closed.
Sounds to me like you’re barking up the wrong tree, J-Roll. Ha ha ha ha...
AAAAAAND
I’LLLL TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE WIIIIITTTTH ME THE
MEMMMMMORRRRIIIIIEEEEEEES TO BEEEEE MYYY SUNSHINNNNNE AFTERRRR THE
RAAAAAIIIIINNNNNNNNNNN
Is
okay Choddy and Joan Pampelbong I be happy in Thincinoddy they seem
vedy nice dees are no goobye is jus mor like “I weel see you nes tie”
WINSTON! You’re still here!!!
Yeas I ham still here jus wading for Rooben to get my hairplayn tickee to Iowa.
Hahaha Cincinnati is in Ohio man, not Iowa.
OHIO?
DAIS NO FUN WUT ABOW MEECHTWO AND HIS BRADDERS? DEY WAS ALL CITED TO
EAT ALL DE CORN IN IOWA NOW WUT HAYM SAPOST TO TELL THEM?
PAMPELBONG CHU HAR SCURRING ME. I WAN TO GO TO IOWA.
Take er easy now Winston Cincinnati ain’t so bad like you may get more
playin time on the mound even plus when I was younger we used to run
moonshine over the Kentucky border and get blotto so you could probably
have fun doin that too.
Heef I gaint caught de weel deport.
True.
Maybe you like should go to Iowa. Less temptasting in the plains. I
think the Cubs have a midget league team there in AAA. They like fix
your car and stuff too. And there’s goats all over the place in Iowa
it’s like a goat convention you guys will love it. AY RUBEN YOU HERE YET
CANCEL THE REDS TRADE WINSTON WANTS TO GO TO IOWA AND I SAY HE SHOULD.
I
TALKED TO A CAAAT FROM DES MOIIINES HE SAID HE RANNN A CLEANING
PLANNNNT THAT CAT WAS CLANKING WITH COIIIIIIIN WELL HE MUST HAVE HADDD A
GENIEEEE IN A LAMMPPPPP.
Joni Mitchell never lied....
Yeah yeah skip, I’ll be with you in a minute. (mumbles under breath) …. Calling Gillick to see if he wants the job back....
EDDIE!! Get in here and handle this.
You rang, Mr. Amaro?
ED WADE?! Great to see you... um, when did you come back?
You’re looking... good?
I was hired in December as a special consultant to Mr. Amaro, Jr..
Thanks...
No lie those Texas girls will take years off your life, bro.
Ed - Winston here says he wants to go to Iowa, not Cincy. Somethin
‘bout corn on his hot dogs insteada chili
I’m
afraid that’s impossible. We’ve already sent his contract to Cincinnati
in exchange for the contract of a fungible reliever. It felt great to
be back on the horse again. I’m sorry, Wilson, someone had to be the
sacrificial lamb to fulfill my blood lust for middle relievers.
?????
TOOOO EVERYTHINGGGGG TURRNNNN, TURRRNNNN, TURRRNNNNN
But I thaunt I wus funniess releeber? De eenternaint asplode when I peetch. Undefeeted I mayt add....
I
said fungible, not funniest. Beside we already have a funny reliever in
Papelbon. Look at that shirt...my goodness. Pure comedy. The blogs
should have a field day with that.
Me and Iverson used to shish-ka-bob the whole staff at Houlihan’s on City Ave. Called ourselves the Black n’ Tan.
Hey Pat. It’s funny to see you here. Brings back some great memories.
Like what? NEVER WINNING ANYTHING EVER?
I built the foundation of this winning franchise. Everyone knows it.
PFFFFFT. Hahaha. Oh man. I... I can’t.....hahahah....I’m gonna choke. Someone bring me a Panna Water.
I BUILT IT! YOU KNOW IT!
WEEEE BUILLLTTTT THIS CITTTTYYY ON ROCKKKKK AND ROLLLLLLLLLLLL OHHHHHHHH!
OH
MAN I LOVE THAT SONG “BONGO PLAY THE RADIO LISTEN TO THE STEREO CAN’T
YOU REMEMBER THEY BUILT THIS CITY ON ROCK AND ROLL”
DIOMIOBIOBIOBEEEUUUUMEEEEEEEE
Dait wus guna be my wonk up musik dis seasawn..... :(
Don’t worry Wilson, I’ll be there with you. Don’t stop believin....
I can chuse dat song for my wonk up song in Thincinoddy Maidsawn?
*Familiar piano chords start to fade in to the locker room, slowly catching everyone’s attention*
*starts bobbing head, pantomimes piano playing*
DENEDENEDENEDENEDENEDENEDENEDENEDENEDENEDENEDENEDENEDENEDENEDENEDENEDENEDENEDENEDENEDENEDENEDENEWEEEEEE
BOMP BOMP!
Just a city boy...
BORN AND RAISED IN SOUTHH DETROIIIIIT...
HEEE TOOK THE MIDNIGGGHT TRAINNN GOIN ANNNNYWWWHHHHHEEEEEEERRRREEEEEE...
A singer in a smokey room...
Ewwwwww smoking is gross!
The smell of swine and cheap perfume...
I think the lyric is wine, man
Nah he’s talking about slampigs, bro
FOR A SMILLLLEEEE THEY CAN SHARE THE NIGHT
IT GOES ONNNN AND ONNNNNN AND ONNNN AND OHHHHH
Strangers... waiting....
Up and down the boullevvarrdddd...
:( Their shadows searching in the night.... :(
Something something, streetlights, running through them, mumble mumble, something whatever...?
HIDING. SOMEWHERE...
IN THE NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHT
Well this has been quite the Journey, huh fellas?
How about we cut to the damn chorus already before the lights go down in the city...
DOOONNNN’T STOP...BELIEVING......
DON’T STOP--
Holy Mother of Genius Yes Dear God Please Sir Can I Have Another!!!!!!11eleven
ReplyDeleteEFFIN' AMAZING! There needs to be a Zoo with Roy Saturday morning cartoon series.
ReplyDeleteASPLODE
ReplyDeleteGoodbye Wee Willy V...it is only these donkeys way to send you out with some class!..wait...oh nevermind we tried!
ReplyDeleteNow when ever I hear Paps spaek, I expect him TO TALK LIKE THIIIIIIIISSSS
ReplyDeleteHE DOESN'T TAAAAAALKKKKK! HEEEEE SIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSS!
ReplyDeleteLAAAA LALALALALALALALA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
ReplyDeleteI just...
ReplyDeleteIt was...
I mean, I hate that song, but...
Man. That was magical.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteOMFG.
OK, now I need a fresh Poise pad.
Better than I had dreamed.
ReplyDeleteThis site just won the Interwebs.
Shane singing the opening guitar solo is where it's at.
ReplyDeletePERFECTION. *speechless*
ReplyDeletebest blog evar. seriously. you rule the interwebs.
ReplyDelete*sniff* something in my eye *sniff*
ReplyDeleteWow.
ReplyDeleteThat was...
It's....
No. No words.
Poetry.... Should've sent.... a poet....
I was bittersweetly looking forward to this from the moment I heard of the trade... but it surpassed any and all expectations. Fitting that Wilson's last cranekicker was the greatest ever. Still gonna miss his Phonetically-mangled dialogue though...
Who am I kidding, if Pat the Bat still shows up, I'm sure Exxon will too.
"Black 'n Tan" = genius
ReplyDeleteOh man, first Madson and now Wilson... I know I will definitely be rooting for the Reds to win the Central NL this year.
ReplyDeleteOh man, first Madson and now Wilson... I know I will definitely be rooting for the Reds to win the Central NL this year.
ReplyDeleteOh man, first Madson and now Wilson... I know I will definitely be rooting for the Reds to win the Central NL this year.
ReplyDelete