Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Cholly Watches Last Night's Episode of 'The Bachelor'


By ZWR and Crane Kicker (BFF)



Alright here boys now why you like call me here to watch The Bachelorette Party on the satellite radio TV? I don’t like staying up this late in the offseason I like to get up early and you know like ride the bike and watch Price is Right and stuff.

NO CHARLIE TRUST ME THIS SHOW IS THE BEST THE GUY FROM SCRUBS GREW HIS HAIR REAL LONG AND SELLS WINE TO A BUNCH OF REALLY NICE LADIES AND THEN THEY GO ON BITCHIN DATES LIKE BUNGEE JUMPING FROM THE MANDOLIN BAY CASINO OR SNORKLING OR CIRQUE DE SILLY AND THEY DRESS LIKE CATS TOO MEOW THE CLAWS ARE COMING OUT!

Shay ees right Ben dreaamy I ho I get dee raws


KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE B IS MYYYY PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!

No way, bro. Courtney’s got this in the bag.

I like Jennifer.

I like pizza!

Me too. Nom nom

.


Don’t you even say anything about liking mermaids, kid.

Goodbye.

Wait so this one guy is goin on dates with all these young ladies at the same time together what’s going on here I saw a movie like that once called like “Caligular” or somethin it was weird.

Yeah bro I saw that movie once too but it was called “Pat Burrell” haha yessss.

OH MY GOD THEY’RE SKIING ON THE FULL HOUSE STREET I HOPE I GET TO GO TO THERE ONE DAY KIMMIE GIBLER CRACKED ME UP AND UNCLE JOEY WAS SO FUNNY DO I SMELL … WOOD? HAHAHAHAHAHHA

HEYYYYY. CUT. IT. OUT. HAHA! SHANE BRO GOOD TO SEE YOU LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO HANG OUT SOON ANYTIME IS GOOD RIGHT NOW WORKS TOO.

How rude! No but seriously I haven’t seen a group go down that fast in San Fran since 2010.

Not cool, bro.

HAHAHA I had my own rose ceremony after that series if you know what I mean. Three girls at one time. All named Rose.

Enough now Burl with your sick stories about the threepeats and menageries I mean you’re a frickin sex weirdo like a hemophiliac or somethin.

This show is so dumb. I only watch Survivor!

IIIIIT’S THEEEE EYE OF THE TIGGGER IT’S THE THRRRRRRRRILL OF THE FIGHT! SURVIVOORRRRRRRR.

chigachigachigachiga … BUMP! BUMP BUMP BUMP! BUMP BUMP BUMP! BUMP BUMP BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMP!!!

I only like OLD Survivor’s the new one’s are so dumb it’s like “um yeah hi how many times can you eat a worm” borrrring I like Heidi from the Amazon season she’s really competitive and cunning.

You mean your wife?

Yeah she kinda looks like her I guess and they have the same name that’s pretty funny Ruben I never noticed haha.

That’s because your wife is the same girl that was on Survivor Amazon, idiot.

Haha I WISH that would be soooo awesome.

IT’S TRUE COLE! MY WIFE WAS ON SURVIVOR TOO!

Oh yeah sure EVERYONE is married to a girl from Survivor. Stop teasing me just because I like reruns it’s not nice to tell lies to people.

Hey guys what’s up I hope I’m not too late what’d I miss did they do the group date yet?

Yay Ryee Maidso dey deed it and Ben gay de raws to Raynchul.

YOU’VE GOTTA BE $#&%#ING KIDDING ME

ITTTT’S TRUUUUUE. CHANTAL SHOWED UP OUT OF LEFT FIEEEEELD AND GOT SENTTT HOOOOOME. IT WAS EMBARRASSSSSINNNNNNG. KIND OF LIKE LOOSING YOUR JOB TO SOOMMMEONE FROM BOSSSSSTONNNNNN BECAUSE YOUR AGENNNT IS A BUTTTFAAAACE.

LOL sick burn Paps. $8.4M for one year. That’s funny money.

That’s....Pittsburgh money.

Yo Roethlisberger’s my boy. Bro knows how to party!

I hate you, Ruben. Stop talking about Pittsburgh every time I am around we both know I am not movable to Pittsburgh.

Hi Ruben I got my glove. Taking some grounders just like you said. I’ll be ready to man the bag you bet.

OF COUUUUURRRRSSEEEE.

See that Ryan? Glove work. Two working legs. That’s what you call PLAN B.
I can move anyone anywhere I want. I’ll eat half of your salary just to prove you wrong and then resign you just to cut you. Shape up pal.

Wow you got really mean since I left. There’s enough to go around right guys?!

No. Apparently not.

Boomshakalaka. Peace out.

Oh snap did that girl faint?

DUDE THIS ROSE CEREMONY IS INTENSE THAT HORSEFACE GIRL GOT ANGRY AND THE BROWNETTE WHO NEVER GETS ON TOTALLY FAINTED CHASE AND SKINNY CHANTAL GOT BURN ROASTED THIS SHOW’S THE BEST EVER DID YOU LIKE IT CHOLLY HUH?

Dude he left a half-hour ago. Why did I re-sign here, again?

JIMMY WHAT’S UP YOU ARE PHILLY WE LOVE YOU MAN LET ME KNOW IF YOU NEED A PERSONALIZED FORECAST OR ANYTHING ANYTIME I AM HERE. J BO IS HERE.

I don’t know who you are but I think I’m good. You can get personalized weather on your phone now. Or just go outside. But yeah thanks.

OK TELL ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER AND I WILL SEND YOU PERSONALIZED FORECASTS AND SOME OTHER STUFF. REAL DEAL.

DONNN’T GIVE IT TOOO HIM JIMMMY HE WILL SEND YOU NUUUUDEYS.

Bro I put the cherry in Blackberry. Hit me up J Bo.

PAT THE BAT - INCOMING!


Nice bro do more!

BATTER UP!


Woahhh bro bikini babes!

THAT IS NOT FUNNY YOU GUYS.

Hey that’s the girl from Survivor: Guatemala!

12 comments:

  1. As always, pure genius

    ReplyDelete
  2. THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT'S HILAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRIOUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

    ReplyDelete
  3. for those who watch survivor, comparing cole to heidi (somewhat accurate) and kk to stephenie (polar opposites) is fairly humorous. imagine kk stranded on an island as the last remaining member of a tribe. he'd poop himself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I disagree. Kyle would win Survivor. He knows magical voodoo spells. How do you think he's stayed in the majors this long?

      Delete
    2. Wait you can reply in the comments? Whoa.

      Delete
  4. I respond to these cranekick yarns the way strippers react to blow. Keep them coming.

    Also, any Pat the Bat cameos are mire than welcome.

    ReplyDelete
  5. ahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha *breath* hahahahahahahahahahahahahah

    ReplyDelete

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