Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Lenny Dykstra: Grand Theft Auto 4

As I'm sure you all know by now, Lenny Dysktra was sentenced to three years in federal prison yesterday for basically being an all-around fraudulent scumbag with a weak throwing arm. I made that last part up--having a noodle arm is not actually an imprison-able offense in the United States. Anyway,  the charges include falsifying financial information and, obviously, Grand Theft Auto.

As is the case when any well-known athlete gets in legal trouble, the puns come out. Here's the judge in the case, Cynthia Ulfig:
"Mr. Dykstra might not believe he is a criminal, but his actions have been criminal," she said, invoking baseball terminology such as "strikes" and "home run" to underscore her point.

But hey! Even if it turns out that the heroes of our youth are criminal, narcissistic scumbags, at least we have Photoshop to unite us. And for that, today, we have @_magowan to thank.

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