Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Charlie and the gang plan a trip to see "The Avengers"




INTERIOR, CITIZENS BANK PARK CLUBHOUSE

Alright guys like well you know like everyone get together and get ready, we goin' to the theater to you know like what I like to call catch a flick

AWESOMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG WHAT MOVIE ARE WE GOING TO SEE PLEASE SAY AVENGERS PLEASE SAY AVENGERS PLEASE SAY AVENGERS PLEASE SAY AVENGERS


Well you know like since we been strugglin' and seein as it ain't hittin season yet I figure like it might be good to go see a super hero type movie you know like learn to be leaders and what not...

*stands up, looks around clubhouse, clears throat. No one notices. Sits back down in a huff*

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESSSSSSSSS I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE SUPERHERO MOVIES!!!!

I lie Cactan Amayreecta he has ay sheeel

Hehe, someone should look into getting one of those for Kendrick...

*doubles over in a burst of uproarious laughter*

Whatever, haters

Wait, isn't Scarlet Johannson in this movie? Even Heidi agrees that she's the dreamiest...

 
MEH. Been there, done that, bought the cab fare, bro. She's nothing to text home about.

(Nervously) 
I hear that! Besides, I don't see how anyone could get turned on by a girl playing a character based on a  mythological...person... anyway... (increasingly nervous)...I mean, the costume just kind of takes you out of the moment, you know?!

Charlie can we get snacks? I could totally house some Raisinets and a large popcorn with butter and two bags of gummy worms and pretzel bites with cheese and a medium diet and some Sno-Caps right now.

Carebul, Yoe. Chu nee to whach yer emoglobin

*Victorino begins to stomp angrily through the clubhouse* 

GRRRRRRRRRR SHANE SMASH ME WANT SEE MOVIE SHANE WANT GO NOW GRRRRRRRRRRR

Yo boss if you want to get huge for real I could totally hook you up--

This movie was made in LA, right?

(interrupting) 
 Hey! If you clowns are serious about this we should get moving, this movie is really popular... it made $200 million...

Haha, yeah. But I don't know--$200 million? That doesn't really sound like that much money...?

*Pokes head around corner, stares menacingly towards Howard*

Shouldn't you BE somewhere, Hambone? Or are you just on a layover on your way to Pittsburgh?

Got it. Later, bros.

I'm pretty excited, you guys. Thor is probably my favorite of all time. He was banished to earth and left to die all by himself in the south. But then he got rescued and eventually is looked upon as the savior of the world, which is consistent with his godlike status and sculpted physique. Not to mention that SWEET hammer. Dude just swings that thing wildly at everything in sight. It's pretty badass. Totally relatable character.

Hey Hunter, cool story dude. Bet you didn't know that I'm also a superhero though, too? 
My weapon of choice: THE FART HAMMER

*Wigginton cups a loud, reverberating fart with his right hand, then holds it against Pence's face until the outfielder passes out*

I don't have any talents or skills or superpowers, but if I could choose I'd totally be Iron Man. That guy is so crafty, and has an awesome personality like most Canadians! His main talent is out-thinking the bad guys zigging while they zag, even if it means leaving a mass of horrific and costly destruction in his wake...

Ruben Amaro: *pokes head back around corner* Hey Orr, you do anymore fancy thinking or talking and I'll permanently turn you into Iron PIG, how about that?

OH SNAP

*Victorino makes another pass through, still in character* 

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SHANE INCREDULOUS HULK ME WANT MOVIE PHILLIES GO NOW SHANE MAD SMASH 

*Victorino swings his arms and fists wildly, accidentally punching Michael Martinez, who has just entered the clubhouse, right in the temple* 

 (Martinez crumbles to a heap on the ground, dead)

Well golly, that's unfortunate. It sure looks like his career is over

Well aren't you a cornfed chair calling the couch a piece of furniture.

ALL OF YOU! 

GET OUT OF MY FACE BEFORE I TRADE YOU FOR BULLPEN HELP. ESPECIALLY YOU, QUALLS. 

Roger that.

RIGHHHHHHTTT BEHINDDDD YOUUUUU. I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DOOOOOOOOOOOO ANYWWWWAYYYYYYY. I HAVEN'T EVEN APPEARRRREDDDDDD IN THIS SKITTTTTT UNTILLL NOWWWW, LET ALONE PITCHED IN WEEEEKKKKKKKKKKSSS

LOL

Well doggonit like if we're gon go to this movie like let's hit the road.



20 comments:

  1. Chooch pronouncing Captain America:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjcV1ISCIRk

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nice use of the Martinez gag.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love you, ZWR

    ReplyDelete
  4. As usual, stellar

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sigbjörn WertzjörgMay 9, 2012 at 1:34 PM

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA

    ReplyDelete
  6. God I needed this I feel so much better now, but that will only last until 7:05 tonight and then I'll be depressed again

    ReplyDelete
  7. Now this is what I call high quality entertainment. (as opposed to the low quality entertainment that is actually watching these guys play lately)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Pete Razor that means a lot coming from a respected man of the beat!

      Delete
  8. As terrible as this was this it was still more entertaining than any Phillies game I've seen this season.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sigbjörn WertzjörgMay 9, 2012 at 3:05 PM

      Are you from Mosfellsbær? Because that's *totally* something someone from Mosfellsbær would say! DUMB

      Delete
  9. Guy Who Doesn't Agree With Anonymous OR Guy Who Agrees With AnonymousMay 9, 2012 at 3:35 PM

    I do not agree with you donkeys!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh yeah real fucking funny, asshole

    ReplyDelete
  11. I laugh to ease the pain.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thanks for sharing it! Nice post to read!

    ReplyDelete

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