Thursday, May 31, 2012

An In-Depth Interview with Keith Law (@KeithLaw)

Keith Law is a straight up legit: he wrote for Baseball Prospectus back before nerd was cool, went to Harvard & Carnegie Mellon, worked in the Blue Jays front office, is currently employed by ESPN as their "lead baseball analyst for Scouts Inc." (you have to pay to read his articles!!), and he tweets about Icelandic rock bands. I'm pretty sure he'll be running some donkey team's scouting operations when the timing is right. Mr. Law is also notorious for being soulless and hating the Phillies, so I was pretty pumped when he agreed to sit down and discuss your 2012 Fightins in a hard-hitting exclusive.

(Yes, the real Keith Law. Yes, he actually answered these questions.)

It’s not looking good for the Phillies, who at this moment face an insurmountable three game deficit in the NL East. Who should they be looking at with the top pick in the 2013 draft?

I hear they already have a pre-draft deal for that pick with a high school outfielder named Toolsy McSlapperson. High-reward, but high risk too, unless he's acquitted before then.

You're a noted food connoisseur, and we’re obviously cooked ... which meal would you say best represents the 2012 Phillies?

They're better than a meal at Olive Garden, because partway through, there's at least a chance the Phillies' season will get better.

(Editor's note: sick burn)

As mentioned on thousands of occasions, Ryan Howard has the worst contract in baseball history. Abroad, the Greek economy is in shambles and there are whispers that some may favor a departure from the EU. Should Ryan Howard buy Greece? What are your thoughts on austerity as it relates to Ryan Howard's god-awful baseball contract?

If he waits a few weeks, he can buy what's left of Italy at a discount, which will provide a higher $/WAR (Wine Above Replacement) value than Greece.

It’s pretty clear based on the Phillies track record of terrible decisions that they will not re-sign Cole Hamels, allowing him to go to a smart franchise. I don’t even have a question here I just want you to agree and comment.

The most likely destination for him is the same one that just gave two-year deals to Mark Ellis, Jamey Carroll, and Aaron Harang. More like a S-M-R-T franchise.

Complete this sentence: Having Juan Pierre in the line-up balling so small allows the Phillies offense to _____________.

Cause opposing pitchers to laugh so hard they might slip up and leave something over the plate.

(Editor's Note: 3-5 last night, average at .324, OBP balling-so-small at .361 hahahahaha now people stop takin' my stylin' for a joke)

If Roy Halladay’s labrum raced Chase Utley’s knee at Ryan Howard’s “Achilles’ Last Stand” Fourth of July BBQ and Fireworks Extravaganza, whose feebleness would make you sad first? Or do you not have any emotions?

My programmers promised to include an Emotions add-on in the next system upgrade. It requires another 16TB of RAM, though - and it's only in beta.
And there you have it. Thanks, Keith! Oh, also if you want to read a fake Keith Law bolg post on ZWR that Danger Guerrero and I wrote way back go here.

"No but for serious ZWR how on earth did your stupid little bolg get Keith Law to bother responding to you let alone going to the trouble of passing this with ESPN's legal teams and PR folks?

Dude, everyone loves the penguin.


  1. Love the Zeppelin reference.

  2. Bolg so hard Insiders wanna find me

  3. "at Ryan Howard’s “Achilles’ Last Stand”"

    I died.


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