Saturday, May 19, 2012

Phils v. Red Sox Incident Report




Officers were dispatched to the scene of reported incident--Ashburn Alley at Citizens Bank Park, near Planet Hoagie--upon report from stadium security of an altercation between two large groups of males. 

Male 1, from group A summarized the encounter as follows: 
"So me and Sully and Mac and Timmy were getting a round of  Sams and we hear Mickey yell something from the hot dog line and we look over and Ryan and Sean and Connor and Patrick and Shawny and Sweeney and Seamus and 'Boots' and Timmy M. are fighting a bunch of dago guinea WOPs"
Male 2, from group B, in a separate statement claims:
"Me and 'Two-Phones' and Al were standing there minding our own f***in business when Tina sprints over and straight jaws some kid and then all of a sudden Nicky and Colangelo and Vinny Cannoli and the Santo brothers and Donger and T-Bird and Ant'ny and Tony and Anthony and Franky jump in and it blew up."
Three males were offered first aid treatment on the scene by ballpark security, but refused and fled the scene.

It was indicated by both parties that the source of altercation was a dispute over the alleged superiority of group A male 3's "Mitchell & Ness Bird / Sharktooth C's Snapback" combination or group B male 4's "Powder blue Bo Diaz with maroon Nike Dunks."

Witnesses in the vicinity were questioned thoroughly, but no accurate third-party report of the incident could be ascertained. Most witnesses appeared to be heavily intoxicated and/or refused to provide information. The most frequent reason given for the latter was the desire on behalf of the witnesses to "not wanting to be no snitch" or "I ain't no snitch." One witness was willing to go on record, however it was only to report "the smell of burnt bacon in the air"--an observation that was immaterial to Ashburn Alley investigation.

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