Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Some Reasons for Optimism Concerning Yesterday's Sad News


For illustrative purposes only. Roy's are actually much more ripped than this
Obviously, finding out that Roy is going to miss 6-8 weeks (my guess, twenty three days*) with a strained lat isn't ideal ... but it's not the end of the world, either.

Let's review the positives here:
  • Nothing's torn or ruptured.
  • No surgery, girl.
  • This may help solidify Cole Hamels' long term future as a Phillies.
  • Philadelphia is sure to become the world-leader in physical therapy and recuperative treatments, as its practitioners are about to embark on a journey/experience unlike any they could have prepared for.
  • Donkey baseball writers and amateur pitching experts everywhere can pat themselves on the back and tell everyone I Told You So for the rest of the season. Wait, that's not a positive. Nevermind.
  • Roy will soon become the first person to ever read Thomas Mann's The Magic Mountain in one sitting on a stationary bike. Upon finishing, he'll make startling insights on the author's interpretation of time.
  • Hundreds of years from now, "Roy's Lat" will have taken the place of "Achilles Heel" in popular mythology. In the new version, the "weakness" heals itself in record time and becomes indestructible immediately before Roy saves the earth from catclysmic asteroid impact.  
* Three weeks of rest and four complete game (shutout) tune-up starts in the minors over a two day span.



3 comments:

  1. Man, those games with the Iron Pigs would sell out so quickly

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is the first time I've read such a good article, really very good,I hope there still can continue to read such a good article.

      Delete
  2. 111 games left. plenty of time. boys just have to keep fighting like this past month, and they'll be right there.

    ReplyDelete

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