Thursday, August 30, 2012

2012 ZWR (and Cranekicker) Fantasy Football Primer PREMIUM INSIDER

Things sure look to be heating up and getting intriguing as we head into the hottest part of the fantasy draft season. But you don't have to sweat, because this year ZWR has developed- on the back of tireless statistical analysis and educated projection- a melt-proof draft approach for PPR, PPRP, IDT, 2QB, WR/RB/WRB PP+, and WASP scoring systems. Further, ZWR draft strategies should see you avoid getting burned in roto, H2H, keeper, and modified keeper lockback no ball tap leagues. I’ve tested these in mock snake, auction, hybrid snake-tion, and re-draw draft scenarios, to consistent success.

If the waitress comes by get me some poppers
So here are five golden rules I suggest you follow if you want to be basking in the glow of victory:

1. GET A GOOD RUNNING BACK: Running backs are key because they score a ton of touchdowns and also catch passes. The dorks who win usually have a really good running back that they drafted and one all-out butt lucky free agent pick up who goes of for 812 yards rushing and 7 touchdowns in the three-week playoffs. So try and do that.

CK Sleeper pick: Doug Martin.
Upside: His nickname is The Muscle Hamster.
Downside: His real name is Doug Martin.


2. DRAFT A QB THAT THROWS A LOT: Did you know that Drew Brees and Aaron Rodgers each threw like a bazillion passes last year? That means they can get more points! Quarterbacks are like the catchers on the field for football teams, so you want to make sure you grab the Chooches and Kratzes of your fantasy draft as early and often as possible. If you’re in one of those leagues that starts TWO quarterbacks, this advice is tripley important.

CK Sleeper Pick: Robert Griffin III
Upside: He reminds me of Randall Cunningham.
CK: No bro his does the back out of pocket hop step! Also - fast guy with cannon arm and swag.
Downside: Redskins haven’t had a good QB since I don’t even know when maybe this girl’s dad?

3. DON’T SKIMP ON AWESOME WIDE RECEIVERS: Guys like Calvin Johnson, Larry Fitzgerald, and Andre Johnson don’t grow on trees... and that’s why you should try to get them. This is particularly sound advice if you play in a PPR (or “points per receiver”) league. I won’t get into the economic models that prove this theorem, but rest assured you want lots of tall guys who catch the football a lot if you’re in a “PPR” league. And don’t even get me started on the PPR+ double-kick leagues.

CK Sleeper Pick: Golden Tate
Upside: Everyone is on Russell Wilson’s jawn like he’s gonna run-and-shoot Warren Moon style.
Downside: Beast Mode.

4. BE QUICK ON THE DRAW: When a guy gets hurt and you’re watching that game make sure you immediately grab your laptop and try to pick up his back-up and then get all confused about how waivers works and then post a rant on the message board about how you think it’s dumb that people can’t add free agents until Tuesday. Technically, this is in no way a draft strategy but I don’t care because it’s f***ing awesome advice. Seriously, act as dumb as possible to avoid any actual scrutiny. You want to lie in the weeds and pick up Ray Rice’s backup week one if he goes down.

OOOPS, I just picked up Kurt Warner 8 seconds after Trent Green blew his ACL!

CK Sleeper Handcuff: David Wilson
Upside: Ahmad Bradshaw is kind of a sissy.
Downside: The Giants are dorkbeaks.

5. GET ONE OF THOSE DRAFT MAGAZINES WITH THE CHEAT SHEETS: These publications are invaluable. They’re usually written in like May for the upcoming season, so you know that they have the best info. They also have lots of “cheat sheets” that let you pretend you’re doing arts and crafts projects before your draft so you can cut them out (or tear them really really carefully, trust me on this one! lol) and take them with your clipboard to the draft. Even if you don’t use any of the outdated advice contained on the pages, you’ll at least look the part.

This guy gets it!
CK’s Sleeper Book: Grays Sports Almanac.
Upside: It has all the results!
Downside: I forgot it expired in 2000.

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