Thursday, August 2, 2012

An Interview with the Phillies' Newest Acquisition

Zoo With Roy staff reporter ZWR was able to sit down (Editor's Note: BEFORE last night's game ... you'll see) with one of the Phillies' recently acquired pitching prospects and ask a few questions that will help fans to become better-acquainted with the newest Fightin'.


ZWR: Nate, welcome aboard!

Nate Schierholtz: Thanks a bunch, Rick.

ZWR: So introduce yourself to Donkey Nation- How has life in the minors treated you? Without getting ahead of ourselves, when do you expect to make the bigs?

Nate Schierholtz: Dude, I’ve been in the majors for like five years.

ZWR: Wait what? You’re not a quote unquote top prospect?

Nate Schierholtz: No. I’m a real player.


 [Long silence]

ZWR: So, um, Nate-- what's your best pitch?

Nate Schierholtz: I'm. I'm an ... outfielder [his voice trails off]

ZWR: Oh! Right. You're that guy that used to be on the Pirates and Braves. Nate!

Nate Schierholtz: No, no. That was Nate McClouth. My last name is Schierholtz, I've been with the Giants since 2007.

ZWR: Really? Weird, don't remember that. Did you play against us in the 2010 NLCS?

Nate Schierholtz: Yes, I did.

ZWR: Oh, well you must have done great. Sorry, I think I've blocked that series out of my memory...

Nate Schierholtz: Well, actually, I was 0-3 with three strikeouts... [self-deprecating chuckle].

ZWR: So, wait, why’d you only bat three times?

Nate Schierholtz: I- I don’t make those decisions.

ZWR: I know, but that team … man, its offense STUNK.

Nate Schierholtz: We beat you, didn’t we?

ZWR: You mean “us”, chump.

Nate Schierholtz: Whatever. Let’s get back to the interview.

ZWR: I mean, I don’t even … I still wish you luck and all. I’m just kind of surprised.

Nate Schierholtz:  What is this interview even for? You said something about a blog-


Nate Schierholtz: Pardon?

ZWR: Yeah look, anyway. Uh, how did you react when you found out you had been traded to the best team in the universe?

Nate Schierholtz: Oh. Um, well, I was pretty surprised. I had backed off my repeated requests to be traded in recent months so I thought that we had come to an understanding and that I would be sticking around with the Giants.

ZWR: Wait-- you were making trade demands?!

Nate Schierholtz: I don't know if I'd call them demands, but--


Nate Schierholtz: [stares blankly at ZWR] What?


Nate Schierholtz: Why? It happens all the time.

ZWR: Um, actually, it really doesn't. And usually the guys who do that sort of thing, you know... they, uh, well... how should I put this? Okay I'm just going to say it-- they're usually really good players!

Nate Schierholtz: Are we almost done?

[Awkward silence]

ZWR: No but seriously, what's your out pitch?

Nate Schierholtz: ...

ZWR: What?!

Nate Schierholtz: I'm leaving.


  1. Next time I'm at a game and need to heckle a position player I'm going to should "What's your out pitch?"

  2. Hahahaha, love it

  3. Funny as usual, but a little mean...

  4. Nate Schierholtz,

    July-Nov 2012

    Never Forget.


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