Thursday, October 11, 2012

VISA STEALS FROM LITTLE GIRLS







That's just a sampling of the dozens of tweets I received just last night from concerned members of Donkey Nation upon seeing a recently-released commercial from the scab pig debt factory known as Visa.

Here, check it out for yourself.



AWWWWWW! Isn't that cute? The adorable little girl with pigtails at an event for credentialed press members asked Ray Lewis what his bed time was! I mean, I've never seen an darling little girl ask a famous pro athlete about his bed time or favorite foods before.

***  OH WAIT- YES I DID ***

That's Awesome Emma's game, yo! You donkey butts didn't even hide it! Visa (who probably took bailout money funded by HARD WORKING TAX PAYING AMERICANS, I don't have time to look it up) should be ashamed of themselves.

Look at this face:


Does it scream, "Steal from me, you multinational predatory lending vultures, in a commercial featuring a convicted obstructioner of justice and suspected murderer?!" NO. No it does not. 

My demands are simple, Visa: I want a written apology (note: Tweets don't count). I also want you to mail Awesome Emma (care of her mom) a check in the amount of one full, four-year education (inclusive of tuition, room/board, books, meal plans, and miscellaneous fees) factored for the time value of money to one of the below institutions:

Stanford University
Northwestern University
Williams College
University of Chicago
Massachusetts Institute of Technology
ETH Zurich (Swiss Federal Institute of Technology)

It's the least you can do for this sweet, innocent little girl whose glory you stole by thieving her intellectual property! We all do things we regret. It's how we own up to it that measures our character. Do the right thing, Visa. Don't even make me yell about this on Twitter. You don't want that kind of heat from Donkey Nation. TRUST ME.

8 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The FBI won't give two craps. It's a civil matter, not a criminal one.

    But this IS actionable lawsuit fodder, and Awesome Emma's awesome legal guardians can file an awesome case and win her some awesome moneys, so she can go to one of the aforementioned schools (except the Swiss one, because nobody trusts the Swiss) and turn out to be awesome.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is a joke, right? You don't seriously think Awesome Emma has... what, a copyright? a patent? on asking a pro athlete what his bed time is, do you?

      Delete
    2. Let's ask Danger Guerrorro for his opinion on this matter. He's a lawyer, right? Unless he failed the bar because he was writing a Phillies High episode...

      Delete
  3. What, they can't pay for four years at Villanova, Temple, La Salle, or Drexel?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Conshohocken ChuckOctober 11, 2012 at 1:02 PM

    Stanford? Fancy.

    ReplyDelete
  5. At Stanford, you can major in Smug. Just sayin.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I believe our fearless leader (that is, ZWR) should create a DONKEY NATION T-shirt as a symbol of our solidarity against such heinous crimes.

    Of course, then you'd have to not offer Visa as a option for purchasing said T-shirt...for consistency and all...

    ReplyDelete

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