Monday, November 5, 2012

Fly Eagles ... Bye? Getting to the Root of What's Fouling the Nest.

by Owen Sizemore, Provocative Internet Journalism Correspondent and Upper Darby Bureau Chief

If you were to take the Eagles players' words for it, this season has been the fault of many people. Namely, the media, former defensive coordinator Juan Castillo, and the fans are chief among the culprits. Let's take those one-by-one. 

At least HE cares...

The Media
The media in this city can be tough, but they're just doing their job. Never once did a member of the media miss a key block that got the quarterback hurt, although some have been known to land a haymaker or two, haha. The media doesn't instruct the team's underwhelming safeties to blow more coverage than State Farm post-Katrina! Frankly, and I'll discount double check this, but I also don't recall a member of the media ever strapping on a pair of pads and taking the field of play. A reporter never tripped Nnamdi Asomugha as he tried to run down the sideline behind a wide receiver. Like Boomer Esiason said on CBS Radio this morning in a thoroughly insightful media synergy commercial spot- "The media doesn't make you fumble, Mike." My feelings exactly! So toss that one out the window.

Juan Castillo
Where to start? First of all, he never should have gotten the D-coordinator job. Second of all, his unit wasn't even that bad this year. (How did Todd Bowls do in his first game?) Third of all, this comes across as a panic move by Andy Reid. Fourth of all, I find it funny that only DRC had the decency to stand up for him. Fifth of all, you can't point a finger at someone else without three more pointing back at you. So, by my math, that's ten guys with thirty fingers pointing back at them. 30 > 10. So although currently unemployed, Juan's off the hook.

The fans?
Did Jason Babin just blame the fans? I've got a definition for you, Jason Babin: get a clue! These fans are the reason you're able to play a game for a living. They get up at five in the morning and go to work so that you can play a game 16 times a year for millions of dollars. Would you be at the Linc on December 23, missing time with your family over the Christmas holiday weekend, in the cold, likely watching the two worst teams in the division play in a meaningless game if you weren't getting paid to do so? Now flip the script and imagine you were paying hundreds of dollars (should I paint that in terms of tattoo money?) to be there. Yeah, don't tell me about loyalty, Mirriam Webster. You know what's loyal? A dog. And you're a dog! WOOF.

About the only thing Babin gets right is politics. If you don't want your kids signing up for indebted slavery to China and socialism, hold your nose and listen to the defensive end for a few minutes tomorrow and vote Romney. Our team may stink, but at least America will be America again.

If you love America, hit up the comments.

I'd be foolish to not mention Andy Reid here, though it doesn't at all relate to anything I've written ("owned") so far. I can't wait to see him tonight. Drew Brees is one of the best in the game, and you know Andy is going to have to out-genius the Saints tonight in the national spotlight. Maybe Shady will get no carries? It's not an Eagles game if Big Red isn't trying to prove he's the smartest man in the dome. That'll probably end well. 

Maybe we should challenge YOU, Andy!
I wonder what Sean Payton is up to this summer now that the NFL voided his contract? Hmmm...


  1. Why are you bringing politics into a sports blog?

  2. For real ZWR, leave your political affiliation off the bolg, I prefer mine without political commentary. actually played the socialism card. What time is the tea party rally?

  3. I think that's just the provocative internet journalist's opinion. ZWR is a pinko liberal from what I recall.


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