Dear Mr. Chairman,
It has come to this bolg’s attention that one of the Philadelphia Phillies' most recent acquisitions, stud future all-star outfielder and dog-lover Ben Revere, came to your establishment recently with the hopes of enjoying his FIRST EVER Philadelphia cheesesteak. While I understand that as an executive you cannot literally be down in the weeds tending to each individual transaction taking place under the umbrella of your company, it is nonetheless reasonable to expect that those carrying out the operations of your organization maintain a sense of personal responsibility concerning the customer experience. Moreover, the notion of what your product represents (beyond the soggy roll) cannot be obscured.
I'll be brief, Mr. Ciarrocchi: In providing the above sandwich to Mr. Revere, under the guises noted, your organization failed the entire city of Philadelphia, the Phillies organization, and Mr. Revere. Further, you cheated a young man of an experience he can never get back: his first time. You were given the honor of delivering this man's first cheesesteak experience, he selected you from a large field of competitors, and you failed.
This so-called representation of a "cheesesteak" is an outright abomination:
- FIRST, while some inconsistencies in quality can be explained away given the quality of the mobile phone picture, this "cheesesteak" does not actually appear to be made of beef. How will Ben Revere ever develop the gap-to-gap power we need him to in order to properly win this trade if you can't give him good old (and proper) red meat? Whether or not Ben Revere intended to have a chicken cheesesteak as his first cheesesteak experience, all efforts should have been made to deliver as genuine a Philadelphia experience as possible to first-timer. A chicken cheesesteak is not a "cheesesteak". On this matter, your franchise has failed considerably.
- SECOND, Lettuce and Tomato. LETTUCE AND FARGLING TOMATO. No, just no. No. Absolutely not, never, under no circumstances, should a "cheesesteak hoagie" be delivered to a guest as his or her first "cheesteak" experience. Utterly shameful.