Monday, December 31, 2012

The O'Nine Factor: FanSince09 Interviews a Guy Who Got "Fire Andy" Tattooed on His Butt



WARNING: The following contains extremely graphic images of a recently tattoed butt. Younger bolg readers should be advised. EDITOR'S NOTE: FanSince09's views do not necessarily reflect those of the Zoo With Roy bolg network. 


[THE O'NINE FACTOR INTRO MUSIC]

 

Tattoos!

In the bible, God says, “You shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor tattoo any marks upon you.”  But Holland, PA’s Dylan B. said “YOLO” to God, and answered to a higher power: Twitter.  

It was a single tweet that set things into motion, with Dylan claiming he’d obtain a rather specific  tattoo if 500 people retweeted him:

[Ominous music plays]

Well, soon enough he shattered that 500 retweet milestone, and the rest is history.

Is this an act of a true fan trying to send a pointed message, or someone looking for attention?  I’ll find out right now, as Dylan steps into the No Hammels Zone!



O’Nine: Dylan, thanks for joining us today.  Let me start off by saying how not surprised I am that you’re white. 

Dylan: Thanks?

O’Nine:  You’re welcome. Now, The first question that’s on everyone’s mind right now is WHY? 

Dylan: At the time I was pretty bored and this seemed to be a rather entertaining idea that backfired… like usual.

O’Nine:  I notice you went to Penn State.  What do you think Couch Paterno, who past away, would say about your tattoo?

Dylan:  “#FTK”

O’Nine:  Hasn’t the school suffered enough?

Dylan:  I think all the birds fans at Penn State will feel pride.

O’Nine: How much money did this cost you?

Dylan:  $150, including tip.

O’Nine:  Seems perfectly reasonable, especially in this economy.

Let’s get a picture of the final result up here now:

 
 
O’Nine: How's sitting?


Dylan: I’m not a doctor, but the amount blood doesn’t seem healthy.

O’Nine:  Do you think your Tattoo artist needed to do a better job?

Dylan:  I was actually shocked with how well it came out.

O’Nine:  In the grand scheme of poor life decisions you’ve made, where does this rank?

Dylan:  Easily third, and if you knew why you’d definitely agree.

O’Nine:  Hey! This is the No Hammels Zone, you can’t give that kind of answer here!  What’s your biggest regret?  Do I need to bring your mans on and have them snitch?

Dylan: OK, OK, fine! I [REDACTED] a fat chick….twice. “Diesel” was her name. Good enough?

O’Nine: SMH.

 

O’Nine:   I'm wondering about your decision to put this on your butt and not a more visible area such as the center of your forehead. I question your commitment. 

Dylan: Well I feel like the idea of an ass tattoo is right in my ballpark of humor. I’ve always considered a sarcastic forehead tattoo, but the few moral fibers I had prevented me.

O’Nine:  Well, with the hidden tattoo, I’m questioning whether or not you REALLY want them to fire Andy?

Dylan:  I think Andy’s time is done, but not like one of those crazy [BUTTHOLE] fans that don’t recognize what he did for this team.

O’Nine:  Yes, of course we should recognize all he’s done for the team: drafting Low Throw McBlow, losing 4 NFC Championship Games, 14 years without a parade.

I’m more bothered by you saying he’s accomplished anything than your trysts with Diesel.

 


O’Nine: In 60 years when your grandkids ask you who Andy is, what will you say? 

Dylan:  I really hope my grandkids don’t have to ever see my butt.

O’Nine:   Thanks for joining us, Dylan.  

When we return on the O'Nine Factor: Bumonic Clown--sleeper agent for the Mets?  I say yes.  
More after this...

[Music Plays as we go to commercial break]




5 comments:

  1. I see an appearance on Tattoo Nightmares in this kid's future...

    ReplyDelete
  2. What an ignorant asshole. You are putting things about this poor girl named "Diesel" on here for her to see? This the reason as to why people develop eating disorders, body image issues, depression, and even kill themselves. This idiot who got this tattoo should be ashamed by saying this about that girl.

    ReplyDelete
  3. http://www.facebook.com/dylan.bott.3?fref=ts

    ReplyDelete
  4. The sad truth about this is that his ass is more attractive than his face. I know this kid and he is a straight up faggot but who knew it could get any worse?

    ReplyDelete

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