Monday, April 30, 2012

Saturday, April 28, 2012

So Roy Halladay Pitched Yesterday (4.27.12 v the Cubs)


Dude I don't know what to tell you you can't win games when your offense scores six runs per week. "We're sad, too, ZWR. Let's just get to the line."

Good call. 7 IP, 6 H, 3 ER, 5 K (3C, 2SC), L. It is what it is right now, I guess.


I'm too grumpy to type anything else. Maybe next start Roy can give up no runs and nearly assure a win, or give up one run and have a 40 - 50% chance of winning.

Friday, April 27, 2012

An Exhaustive Scouting Report of the New Jersey Devils



Well, it certainly worked for round one. Team sources confirm that Flyers scouts scoured over our extensive report in preparation for the jerk-wads from Pittsburgh, and the results speak for themselves. Meech, Danger, Craney, and I can only hope that this latest scouting endeavor yields similarly fruitful rewards. 

Also, here's a picture of the Legion of Doom:


These guys *always* beat Jersey in the playoffs...

Eagles Draft Huge Defensive Tackle, Even Bigger James Bond Villain



As reported by my pals at the 700 level, the Philadelphia Eagles traded up to take defensive tackle Fletcher Cox with the 12th pick in the 2012 NFL draft. The pick is great and all, but seriously there's quite literally a bigger story here that needs to be told. I mean, egads, just look at the dude on the left.

I don't know who he is, but I'm glad he's on our side.

Honestly, who throws a shoe?
Original pic by AP/Jason DeCrow

UPDATED W/ LOLS:

More after the jump


Wednesday, April 25, 2012

A Special Birthday Note to Amanda, from Zach (Update: She said yes!)


The Phillies are red, 
Penn State is blue, 
Your heart is so big, 
and I love you...


Happy Birthday Amanda! Will you marry me? 
-Zach

Update: She said yes!!!
EVER'TIME I BOLG AROUND YA CITY BLING BLING
 Zach just sent me the following in an email from his Verizon Wireless 4G LTE DROID 
"ZOMG SHE SAID YES! I surprised her at her college tonight. She didn't see the post until I got to her school and texted her the link. She loved it and said yes."
 
Zach also put together a celebratory facebreaking video, proving once and for all definitively without a shadow of a doubt that ZWR readers are the best humans on earth:

From all of us here at ZWR and from Donkey Nation, congrats to Zach and Amanda! What a day.

Vance Worley Thinks Jason Kubel is Mother Fargling Out



So WORLY? YA WORLY amassed like 17 more backwards K's last night in the Phillies' display of run-scoring clout win over the dopey Diamondbacks, but his most glorious strikeout was a patented two-seamer to Jason Kubel in the I'm-too-lazy-to-look-it-upth inning.

Luckily for you guys though, ZWR enthusiast Patrick was nice enough to .gif the replay of said strikeout. If you pay close attention, you'll notice that Vance kindly informs Kubel about the status of his current plate appearance (in so many words).

I went ahead and censored Vance below, because after all this is a family bolg (more on that later today):

Vance Worley out Motherf*cker GIF
Ya WORLY.

Special bonus picture of Chooch hazing Kyle Kendrick: 

Thanks, Brian on Twitter for the pic

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Wheels and T-Mac Whip Out Their Macs




Click to embiggen

The Phillies Take a New Approach



Inspired by a gutsy, physical, and dynamic Game 6 series victory by the Flyers over the Pittsburgh Penguins, the Philadelphia Phillies today announced a new approach to mending their offensive by modeling their play after their neighbor franchise. 

Using advanced futuristic technology, ZooWithRoy.com has exclusively obtained a top secret copy of the holographic simulation (you can do anything with holograms these days) of the plan in action.


While some of the data is missing and/or the beta algorithms lead to slight inaccuracy (as is to be expected with next generation holographic simulations), most of the basic script below falls within a reasonable margin of error and passes confidence interval testing. 

And now for a glimpse of your new look, Future Phillies:

 
Juan Pierre approaches Jimmy Rollins in the dugout, pre-game… “Make sure you watch this first at bat. It's time to make a statement.” Rollins obliges.

**Pierre proceeds to pop up a first pitch bunt attempt to catcher.

Monday, April 23, 2012

ZWR, King of all Mediums



Items!

1. Lots of love for the bolg today on CSN's "Lunch Break" from Rhea Hughes and bolg enthusiast Sarah BaickerCSN. Thanks, ladies!

(ZWR discussion begins at 6:17 of the clip)



2. Daily News clipping from last week, during that whole #pulledacrosby thing that some awesome guy started
Solid company

p.s. Actual Phillies-related post coming soonly. It's going to be soooo funny!! haha

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Friday, April 20, 2012

Pre-Game Pump Up Video: Violence Is Up in This Year's NHL Playoffs




Tip of the hat to the @swamigti for just sending me the best video ever. It's one of those over-the-top Asian animations of US news events, and I think you'll all agree that it perfectly and accurately describes the Flyers/Pens series.

You should all watch it now and get yourself mentally prepared for some penalty kills:

It's Friday Everyone Today is Going to be a Great Day!


"Rick-eyyyy, you know I ain't the smartest man in the world, but, from back here it look like you're makin a gif."

Hahahahaha what up donkeys?! You bet your stupid awesome faces I'm making a gif- one that basically captures better than anything else ever (let me get a ruling on that ... yup!) the excitement of a sunny / beautiful / Cole Hamels is pitching / Flyers are closing out a playoff series / and you're drinking the drink up Friday. GET SOME.

Cole Hamels dance Bobrovsky gif
You're welcome. Pay it forward.

Get it because it's 4/20?

I SAID GET SOME. Got it?

"Zeeeeeeeeeeee! Let me borrow your VCR right quick. I need to dub a tape."

Hahaha, Lavs, what do you think? Are you pumped and feeling INTENSE for Friday?

Peter Laviolette Fargle Bargle

Thursday, April 19, 2012

ZWR In The Wild


Well last night ate poop. Let's take the opportunity this morning to focus on the positive- namely people and babies being happy in ZWR shirts!

@GalloSays MANNING UP in Lot K

Should of gone Vortex bottle yo

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

So Roy Halladay Pitched Yesterday (4.16.12 vs. Giants)


It's called foreshadowing
I'm not going to bore/indulge/excite/entertain you with a long SRHPY post today, because let's be honest--at this point I could just copy and paste a random SRHPY from anytime throughout the 2010 or 2011 seasons and you'd really be none the wiser.

I won't do that, but just the fact that I could speaks to Roy's brilliance far more than any billion word bolg post. So today you're just getting a couple pictures and a line:


8 innings, 2 earned runs, 3 walks (wait what), 6 strikeouts, 109 pitches, Phils victory

On the season so far:

Yep.
Getty

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Is Ray Shero a Man of His Word?


"My position is there should be no head hits," said Penguins GM Ray Shero. "That's the position of the Penguins, that's mine, and I brought it up today in our group." (link here)

zOMG HULK HOGAN



I'd give a hat tip to the Flyers, but James Neal would try to blindside it off with his patented douche-launch.
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