Saturday, June 30, 2012

ZWR In the Wild; Adorablest Baby Pic


ZWR enthusiast Rachel sent along this nice note:
Hey ZWR! 
This current Phillies/Pirates game has been crazy hasn't it (Editor's Note: It stunk Kyle Kendrick's big dumb face ruined everything)?! Anyways, I recently went to the Philadelphia Zoo and appropriately wore my ZWR tank, although I was with my sister and not Roy Halladay (Editor's Note: Sick burn (no offense, Rachel's sister)). One of the zoo workers actually complimented me on my tank top and asked what ZWR stood for. I told her all about your bolg (Editor's High Five). We took pictures with the statues of penguins since the real penguins are all enclosed and whatnot. I love your bolg! Thanks for keeping all us donkeys up to date!
Here are said pics. +5000 points for posing in front of the penguin statue, btw.




Bonus: Face-Breaking Cuteness

Missy wrote:
Hi ZWR! I took my friend Bill with me, my boyfriend, and my mom to a Phillies game...Bill decided that he needed to by his 16 month old daughter Gracie a Phanatic..I wholeheartedly concurred. I also made him promise that he would send me cute and adorable pictures of her with said Phanatic...I saw this today ...ZOMG
Are you kidding me? Game over

Friday, June 29, 2012

Premiering July 15 on AMC: Breaking Wade



"Informed his team is terminally flawed and its payroll maxed out, a born loser underachieving baseball front-office "executive" turns to using his secret expertise in chemistry to provide a legacy for his city and team... by producing the world's highest quality crystal meth."
 

IT'S FRIDAY EVERYONE, LET'S ROCK









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"FFS Kyle, tighten up the chorus."

Thursday, June 28, 2012

FACE/PUNCH



To destroy your enemy, you must find him, face him, and then... become him.


A donkey in sheep's clothing



From IMDB:
A revolutionary medical technique allows an disgruntled former player to take the physical appearance of a current major league reliever and infiltrate his organization.
MPAA:  Rated R for rage-induced sequences of intense frustration, cartoonish fan violence and explicit language.

/punches self in face




UPDATE: DFA'D THIS VERY MORNING. HUH.

Chase Utley's Return - Some LOLs





Original Photos: Yong Kim, Philly.com


Wednesday, June 27, 2012

ZWR Mentioned in Philly Sports Week Article About Other Blogs



Photo Illustration, some details have been edited

"OTHERS, I am not the first,
Have willed more mischief than they durst:
If in the breathless night I too
Shiver now, ’tis nothing new."
Zach Berman wrote an article for Philly Sports Week about a bunch of Philly blogs [sic] (their representation in a shift in media trends, fan interaction, and stuff like that), focusing largely on the usual culprits. Each has its merits, and many, many more not noted also deserve credit for their fine work-- though I'd argue perhaps more for their effort.

I was lucky enough to have been featured, and an excerpt (okay, mostly all of the stuff about me... whatevs) is found below (the "how to deal with this moron" tone always gives me a chuckle; kudos to Jen Miller--official ZWR staff biographer--on cracking that nut):
Then there is Zoo With Roy, a site ostensibly about the Phillies. When it was invited to cover Cole Hamels' recent charity event, ZWR sent a 10-year-old girl named "Awesome Emma" to interview the pitcher. Hamels seemed to have fun with the exchange, discussing his bedtime (2 a.m.) and his favorite ice-cream flavor (chocolate mint).

"ZWR is filling a humor-based niche about Philadelphia sports, but I think the people that tend to enjoy it the most are those who appreciate a clever spin on things," the creator of Zoo With Roy — who refuses* to divulge his name to separate it from his professional life — wrote in an email. "In the span of a week, it can go from Degas to fart jokes to animated stick figures to a 1,000-word piece. A month or so ago I had a guy propose to his girlfriend on the site. So it's all over the place."

You can read the whole thing here. 

The requisite thanks go out to all you donkeys for putting me in a position to be a part of things like this... and for constantly reminding me why I think our little bolg is different-- and unique--enough to be something special. Also if any bars or big time luxury brands want to sponsor me I'd like to say I'd be willing to consider it.


* (CATEGORICALLY)

Shane Victorino Welcomes Chase Utley (and his Knees) Back to the Team



Mahalo Knee

 See also: IT IS TIME.

IT IS TIME.



"It is time." h/t @datdudeJD








From last May, still relevant

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Hey! It's Butt-Grab Girl



So last night, while the University of Arizona was winning the College World Series, a bunch of donkeys decided it would be funny to run onto the field. It's pretty harmless stuff--kids being kids and whatnot. The young lady pictured below, though, took it to a whole new level with the butt grab.

From Uproxx/With Leather

That got me to thinking, what if she were involved in other, Phillies related on-field events of late?

SAFE!!!

Ride the Lightning!

ZOINKS

I know, right? High five!


ZWR in the Wild: CSN Lunch Break Edition



Here's a screen capture from today's CSN Lunch Break, which prominently features bolg pal Ryan Pet Razor Petzrawr Petzar yucking it up with ZWR's #2 media enthusiast (based on current power rankings) John Gonzalez. While Gonzo opted for the summer cottage casual attire, you'll notice Ryan can be seen wearing CLASSIC ZWR threads. Bolging should always be this easy.

You can watch the whole video here or below, and hear Gonzo's jokes about Ryan's mom. I think they might have talked about baseball or something too, I'm not really sure.

SUDDENLY I'M CRAVING DELI MEATS AND ULTRA-LOW CALORIE BEER


Monday, June 25, 2012

Ain't No Debby Downer



As reported by a host of highly relevant and successful web outlets, Tropical Storm Debby has done some damage to the Phillies facilities in Clearwater--most notably Bright House Field. While the situation is serious, a chilling reminder that Mother Nature will always win if you will, some indomitable forces continue to fight on.

Below is an exclusive photo and animated gif captured by ZWR sources (you think Bob Brookover knew how to sneak around? Amateur hour, yo.) showing that Phillies pitcher Roy Halladay is still managing to stick to his relentless rehabilitation plan. Considering Halladay's legendary work ethic and training history, this really shouldn't come as a shock to anyone.

Guy's a warrior.




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Phillies High: A Stranger Walks Into An Ice Cream Shoppe


by Danger Guerrero
 


[Scene: Inside Davey’s Ice Cream Shoppe, a popular hangout spot for students of Nationals High. The place is packed, the booths and counter seats all full of Nationals High students who are laughing and carrying on. The door swings open. A stranger enters and saunters confidently toward the last remaining open seat at the counter. He settles into the padded, creaky swivel chair, and the curious shop owner approaches to see what he wants.]

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Oh Happy Sunday Morning


/Wakes up, thinks of Jim Thome mashing a walk-off tater, smiles and takes a sip of coffee.




Also, Erica took and hipstadorked this photo and it's just too good not to share isn't it glorious?

Fitting Thome had the big hit, no?


Thursday, June 21, 2012

ZWR, Craney, & Danger's Authoritative 2012 NBA Mock Draft (feat. Rocket Farts)


I'm under the impression that most mock draft sites are just donkeys making stuff up, and I know that CK, Danger, and I are essentially sports geniuses, so what we decided to do was provide you- the beautiful ZWR readership- with the most comprehensive, well-researched, and entertaining 2012 NBA Mock Draft 2012 on the whole internet. I think the real draft is next week or something. Enjoy.


ZWR - No. 1 – New Orleans Hornets -  Jambalaya. It’s yummy and geographically relevant! Make sure to use Gulf crawdads, yo. Everybody wins. omnomnomnomnom

DG - No. 2 – Charlotte Bobcats - Anthony Davis. I really want Charlotte to draft him because he looks like the Shawn Bradley Monstar from Space Jam, and I could totally see Michael Jordan showing up at practice and having PTSD flashbacks where he screams “YOU’RE NOT TAKING ME TO MORON MOUNTAIN, ALIEN” and demanding to play Davis one-on-one for his freedom.

CK - No. 3 – Washington Wizards - I want to go Michael Kidd-Gilchrist here but I think he’s the best player in the draft and the Wizards will never be good so it doesn’t make sense for them to make that move so I am going to draft Miles Plumlee because I know that guy is going to stink.

Miles returns to DC!

Definitely Worth Recycling This One Today


Man, how about this heat? I know, right? Definitely. It's a hot one. Probably should link to an old bolg link now. Sure as can be. Yeah buddy. Hot one. Don't you know it. Uh huh. How about this heat? 

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

It's the Cole Hamels Fashion Show Photo You've Been Waiting For



Boy oh boy, Cole is getting really good at providing bolg fodder. First it was backpack dog, then the fist pump meme, then the fruitini photoshops, and of course the Awesome Emma interview.

So to show my appreciation, I put together some fresh Cole on Cole on Cole fashion runway action. You know, for the ladies.

Buster Olney reporting the Dodgers offered each of them lifetime contracts worth infinity money













BOOM, SECRET BONUS GIF:

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Phils/Galvis Caught Completely Off Guard by News


"A trace amount of a banned substance - 80 parts in a trillion - was detected in my urine sample...I cannot understand how even this tiny particle of a banned substance got into my body."

"I don't know anything about those numbers...I'm going to play ignorance because I have no knowledge of any of it. As I said, I support the kid."
- Ruben Amaro, Jr

I feel for the Phils here. As those quotes indicate, there was nothing at all that could have led them to believe this was coming...

SRSLY: Vote For Chooch #VOTEFORCHOOCH


There's literally nothing you could be doing right now that's more important than voting 25 times for Carlos Ruiz. I don't want to hear it. Your boss isn't going to even read that report (if he does, and it's good, he's taking all the credit), your kid doesn't need to wear ironed clothes, oil changes are a giant scam carried out by Detroit... nothing matters except Chooch getting the recognition he deserves. You do love him, don't you?

Baby doll went 2-4 with a two-run bomb and three RBI last night.

BOOM
Source: AP / Awesomepics.biz

I'm not even posting his season stats because that's an insult to his transcendence. Just stop being a donkey and go vote now. Nothing more to read here.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

#PAUSE



A Comprehensive Recap of Last Night's Episode of The Bachelorette


Yeah whatever, I'm not embarrassed. On occasion (which may or may not be basically every Monday night) I watch and further my expertise in The Bachelor(ette).


"Srsly Rick?"

Hey, I could be a stereotype right now and sheepishly kid that Nag makes me or cheese it up with the "happy wife happy life" banalities, but you dorks deserve better. The truth is that the show- despite being everything that's wrong with life and America and the human condition- is quite captivating in a totally non-captivating, shallowly addictive sense. Oh good lord I've over-explained things again. Pretend that didn't happen. Or did, but better. Just read on.

A little to your right

Monday, June 18, 2012

Congrats to Michael Martinez (Who Is Alive)


A Message from the Donkeys at TiqIQ


Hey now that we just got swept by the stupid Blue Jays and everyone's miserable I figured it was a splendid time to allow our friends at TiqIQ to share the word on some pretty great things they have going on (Stanford's not going to be cheap in 16 years, yo).

Score deals on Phillies/Rockies tickets from Zoo With Roy (Editor's Note: That's Me!) & TiqIQ

It hasn't been the start the Phillies were looking for (Editor's Note: You're telling me, bro), but with the Rockies coming to town for a three game series starting on Tuesday this is a good opportunity for the Phillies to get back to their winning ways (Editor's Note: Because the Rockies are butt).

Zoo With Roy and TiqIQ have taken the hassle out of scouring the web for tickets by aggregating multiple ticket sellers into one format (Editor's Note: Hey TiqIQ, you should patent this technology and call it the Scourgator). Whether you want to score seats directly behind home plate, or just get in the door for the least amount possible, TiqIQ has you covered! To see all deals, click here.

They also have make an offer deals that can't be beat. These seats can sometimes be had for as low as $10, and don't have any pesky service or shipping fees, which can cost up to the price of the ticket themselves (Editor's Note: Okay that's actually pretty cool I hate when I get two tickets for $30 each and it ends up costing me $97.50)! So why pay more fees for your ticket (Editor's Note: That's cray)? Just name your price and avoid the hassle. To sign up for for your own ScoreBig account and start saving today, click here.

This season may be the Heart of Darkness so far, but check out these sweet deals, Broseph Konrad:

Rockies @ Phillies on 6/19: Save 20% and offer $38 for 3-star seats (list price $47.26)
(Editor's Note: NO FARGLING WAY THAT'S COLE HAMELS' NIGHT!!!)
Rockies @ Phillies on 6/20: Save 38% and offer $51 for 5-star seats (list price $82.84)
(Editor's Note: Frankly that's just nuts)
Rockies @ Phillies on 6/21: Save 36% and offer $24 for 2-star seats (list price $38.36).
(Editor's Note: WORLY?)

Click the Golden IQ to make an offer and get to CBP for less!

Saturday, June 16, 2012

ZWR In The Wild


Got this nice note from Caitlin:
Hello Penguin!
A few weeks ago I purchased some shirts, including the awesome Halladay/Chooch Campaign shirt (my fav!). Well, I was so excited to represent our current all-star catcher with my new shirt in Baltimore last Friday, and did I get noticed! So many fellow Phils fans commented on my shirt and asked where I got it. I directed them to you, so if your sales have sky-rocketed, this is why! Thanks for keeping us all so well informed, well dressed and entertained!
Your Truly,
Caitlin
Day Drinking + Phils = Yes, Please

There was also this tweet from Dave:
Representing ZWR in the mountains of VA on a motorcycle ride with a bunch of donkeys.
It's ironic because I assume Dave really
does like to break faces... calmly

Thanks for sharing, donkeys!

Friday, June 15, 2012

The Philadelphia Phillies As Classic Video Game Characters


Man I love doing these



Carlos Ruiz is Yoshi
This lovable stalwart is a fiercely loyal and sometimes overlooked member of the team. Chooch is unquestionably there to support others and doesn't mind carrying people if need be. Oh and he eats (other) reptiles. 


Backpack dog, the gif that keeps on giffing
 
Cole Hamels is Link from Zelda
He looks a little too pretty and un-intimidating, but this protagonist really does have awesome super-powers.

“Should of picked Metroid... because he’s actually a girl!” -- Future tweet from @FanSince09

Thursday, June 14, 2012

ZWR in the Wild: Regional Kentucky TV News Edition



Steve from Twitter just sent me the following screenshot of another guy named Steve on the CHANNEL 11 WHAS NEWS in Louisville (also covering parts of Indiana) wearing the most recent ZWR fashion-forward face-breaker-pulverizer:

Youth Pastor/PULVERIZER OF FACES
Excellent work, Scuba. Play your cards right and you just may end up as the next Awesome Emma exclusive.

You can buy that shirt here, of course.

Checking in on Utley and Howard's Rehabilitation Efforts



Photobucket
According to team, they're right on schedule to rejoin the team at an unknown date

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Tuesday Night Twitter Recap: @HighCheese Orders the Code Red



Philadelphia Daily News sports writer David Murphy (like most of the local and national media) is adorably enamored with ZWR, and very much goes out of his way to impress me (duh). I can't lie, it makes me chuckle. Especially since I think he normally plays a bad guy in the twitter/writer/blog/dorkosphere.

At any rate, in observance of Kyle "MerpDerpMeatballTeeBall" Kendrick's decision to not join his teammates in wearing high socks, along with his harsh regression to statistical mean performance, I cleverly posted the following.


And Queso fired back with A Few Good Men reference, straight killing it (read from bottom up for full effect):


*** Note to David Murphy's employers and future employers: Cheese was merely quoting a movie starring Tom Cruise, not actually advocating for Kyle Kendrick's death by way of soap-in-a-sock beating.***

I, on the other hand (along with Rich Dubee, one can only presume), have started to become more comfortable with the concept of violent extrajudicial punishment for poor performance.


So yeah that about sums it all up. The Phillies lost, 11-7.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Chase Utley is Kinda Sorta on His Way Back!



According to 100 news outlets Chase Utley is about to begin, oh-who-cares-you've-heard-this-news-already:


BONUS - Here is an 11 picture SLIDESHOW of Chase Utley's knee, in case you forgot he still had them:


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