Another hockey season is upon us, and we couldn't hope for a more exciting start. The Flyers open things up against their arch rivals- the Pittsburgh Penguins- on Saturday at the Wells Fargle Bargle.
A refresher for those who may have fallen out of the hockey rhythm during the lockout: The Penguins are evil scumbags. On top of that, they represent everything that's wrong about professional sports and a general lack of character. They stunk forever, then got to draft Mario Lemieux. Then they stunk for half a decade again, only this time on purpose. Then they were bankrupt and couldn't even pay Lemieux so he got to own the team (kind of like when your senior year roommate couldn't pay his share of the rent so you got to keep his Xbox). Then they couldn't build their own arena and tried to move to Kansas City. Then they took a hand-out like the shameless pigs that they are. Then Sidney Crosby drew seven interference penalties a game for five years. Then the team they assembled by tanking got better and made it to the Stanley Cup Finals, and the league made up new rules for automatic suspensions and how many players are allowed on the ice and the Detroit Red Wings got screwed out of what should have been another fairly-earned cup. Some say it's because the commissioner needed to validate the years of cheating the league invested in its soulless, welfare franchise. I have to agree. Ummmm ... then we owned them last year in the playoffs because the Flyers are everything that's right about hockey and the Penguins repeated attempts at injuring our players after realizing they had no chance limply failed. All caught up? Here's a gif!
FURTHER ANALYSIS- SEASON PROJECTIONS
ZWR Zamgraphs ran its forecasting algorithm for the Flyers projected roster and came up with the following skater projections.
As for enigmatic goaltender Ilya Bryzgalov, Zamgraphs show him as having a solid rebound season in Philly with 27 wins and a .914 save percentage.
WHAT PLACE?: Second in the Atlantic, 4th in Conference
HOW FAR?: Stanley Cup Finals
WHO LOSE TO, YOU JERK?: Vancouver Canucks : (
ANY AWARDS? : Claude Giroux - Hart Trophy, Scoring Title
BRAYDEN SCHENN: Adorable!!! Poised to be the Buster Posey of the NHL