Friday, February 8, 2013

ZooWithRoy's 2013 Valentine's Day Gift Giving Guide



I'm not going to lie, your beloved penguin became a bit nervous when a co-worker reminded him that Valentine's Day is coming up next week. Then I mulled that over for a bit: I'm married, with a donkey kid and another on the way (not to mention being a world famous bolgger and designer of fashion-forward apparel) ... the Nag's pot committed to me at this point, totally stuck. Yet even I'm still frightened by the prospect of having to buy a gift (Pro tip on cards: go to that stupid Papyrus place in the mall and just buy like 5 and you're set with "nice" cards for half a decade).

So yes, I know, you're nervous too. I mean, look at you dorks:

PEANUT.

Fanboys


Brewer to the stars and world's luckiest human

Rich and famous professional dork

The thing is, darling, you don't have to be-- I've solved the problem for you! Yes, that's right. Just take a look at the picture below. There's nothing featured in that image that women the world over won't universally swoon over. So what are you waiting for? Get to it!


THE 2013 ZOO WITH ROY VALENTINE'S DAY GIFT BONANZA!

The Halladay Sampler
 Mama always said “life’s like a box of chocolates.” Well, yeah, if life offers you the ability to break faces and be the best in the world at something by pure chance. These intricate, hand-crafted chocolates feature a flavor arsenal that includes caramel, perfection, indefatigable work ethic, and cuttered creams and are sure to delight that special lady in your life.

34 Carat Princess Cut Halladay Diamond 
Much like Roy Halladay's cardio, diamonds are forever. They are all you need to please her. Well, not all, but this BLING will surely make your life easier. Cut with lasers shot straight from the eyes of Roy Halladay himself, it's the world's most precious natural creation. Ever.

Hand-Picked, Freshly-Cut Rose Bouquet
“What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.
Except, of course, thy Halladay
The essence of Roy, yo, can't be beat.
                       
    - Shakespeare
Coach's New Legacy Ace City Girl Carryall
This classic, yet sleek, must-have delivers elegant, functional style in Coach's iconic signature jacquard. The HLH-3 model, though, goes beyond-- beautifully trimmed in supple, hand-worked, tanned baseball glove leather, with an archival turnlock on the flap that features the caressing image of Roy Halladay. It's the quintessential gift for those who seek to make a bold statement with only a stare.


P.S. if you don't want to or can't afford to buy your significant other any of the above items and/or aren't blessed with Roy Halladay's flawless genetics, might I also recommend:

3 comments:

  1. Just a technical question: How do they cut the Halladay diamond? Is it even possible?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Brandon, I'm pretty sure you didn't read the post

      Delete

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