Monday, April 1, 2013

It's Opening Day!!!!!!!!! /cues Kashmir

/cues Kashmir, jumps on top of conference room table, rips projector off ceiling, performs takeout slide on receptionist

/cues Kashmir, microwaves egg white/turkey sausage/low fat cheese on whole grain English muffin, doesn't allow to cool for two minutes, eats in one bite

/cues Kashmir, rips sheet from Dilbert daily desk calendar, crumples it in one hand, throws at software guy's big dumb face as he walks by to get coffee

/cues Kashmir, sprints up subway staircase two steps at a time, plays it cool when trips

/cues Kashmir, removes cardigan and hangs it on cubicle hook, slams laptop into HP docking station, turns power on with ATTITUDE

/cues Kashmir, swagily approaches printer to grab weekly excel report, smacks laserjet thinking it'll help, realizes printer is out of toner, gives zero effs, tells admin to print copies for the weekly staff meeting

/cues Kashmir, opens Outlook calendar, reschedules afternoon conference call without providing a reason

/cues Kashmir, sits at desk, stares at computer screen stoically, shirks actual 9-to-5 responsibility, hammers out killer bolg post based entirely on silly concept

/cues Kashmir, sees a sandwich wrapper floating in the wind … lets it hit him

/cues Kashmir, finishes budget analysis for boss, saves it without date or revision number in filename

/gets in car, goes to cue up Kashmir, The Lorax’s Let It Grow is on, actually listens for a little while because it’s really not that bad before /CUES KASHMIR


  1. /cues Kashmir, cuts to the front of the queue for kashmir sweater sale.

  2. /cues Kashmir, files TPS Report without cover memo.

  3. /cues Kashmir, realizes missed the trash pick up, walks a block down and puts trash on someone else' curb.

  4. /cues Kashmir, ..what else is there?

  5. /cues Kashmir, lathers, rinses, doesn't repeat.

  6. /cues Kashmir, places a juice glass on the counter, takes a can of low sodium V8 from the fridge, gives the juice glass a stern look before replacing it on the shelf, drinks the V8 STRAIGHT FROM THE CAN

  7. /cues Kashmir, goes two lungs deep on an e-cig, enters staring contest with cat - for several seconds.


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