Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Craigslist Phils Date Girl Date Recap #1 (!!!)

You guys know all about Craigslist Phils Date Girl and her crazy story (summarized: awesome Phils fan wants to hang out with cool guys, posts Craigslist ad, Nats dorks poop themselves, we laugh in their dumb faces and enjoy life). As promised, here is the first in a series of long-anticipated, ***EXCLUSIVE*** date recaps from this weekend's Phils/Natinals series. Note: ever the artistic pen, CPDG wrote this entry in reverse chronological order.  

Craigslist Phils Date Girl here! I got a lot of intrigue from my Craigslist ad, so I decided to take notes on my Macbook during my date with FriDave. I can't believe I have two more of these!


9th Inning
Are we really about to lose to the Nationals? Let's get out of here.

8th Inning
"KNOCK IT OFF. This is your final warning until you're out of here." Uh-oh. A security guy appears out of nowhere and means business. Apparently standing and yelling doesn't jive with the Natitude spirit. I assure the security man there won't be any more problems while FriDave pushes back, "What do you get a special badge or something for kicking out Phillies fans?" I begin to wonder if the difference in our levels of douchebaggery is statistically significant. They stopped selling beer??!!?!?!

7th Inning
FriDave rallies the section with a "DEEZE NUTS! DEEZE NUTS! DEEZE NUTS!" chant and even gets the nut vendor to join in on the fun and then laughs hysterically, verging on maniacally. The beer vendor does a blatant pass-by of our row and a Nats donkey gleefully declares: "This guy will sell beer to literally anyone in the stadium but you!!!"

6th Inning
Delmon Young grounds into a double play, and we need to get more beers. The gentleman and I get up, and I hit the ladies room. From the bathroom stall, I hear the announcers say that Michael Stutes is coming on. Seriously? Isn't it only the 5th? Wait no, it must be the 6th. When FriDave returns without me, he assures Girlfriend* that he "murdered me...twice." Girlfriend contemplates deploying search party to Anacostia River, and is relieved when I return. Some fat Nats donkey tries to heckle us and we both give him the one finger Philadelphia salute at the exact same time. Is this meant to be?

5th Inning
D-Brown scores! Phils up 2-1, the $8.50 Coors lights flow like wine, and is it just me or is FriDave looking even cuter than he did in his Craigslist response picture? I find out more about FriDave's life story--his past, his job, his hopes and dreams. I'm debating if it's too early in the relationship to ask his thoughts on Nick Foles and OMG Kyle Kendrick, what happened?! Okay we're tied..okay we're down a run..okay and FOUR RUNS IN ONE INNING?! WTF. A misguided Nats "fan" tries to heckle us and FriDave is all "oh hell no" and stands up and gives it right back. Someone tells him to sit down and shut up and FriDave screams "I am a beautiful dove and you can't hold me down." To his credit, he is looking pretty good ; )

4th Inning
There's a group of loud men approaching our row, and I instantly know who FriDave is from the twinkle in his eye--or because he's carrying two Coors lights. Though FriDave and his friends had splurged on tickets in the 100 level, a craigslist personal ad/zoowithroy blind internet baseball date gentleman always meets a lady in her [far crappier] section. Good thing the Nationals have the attendance of a triple-A team so there are tons of empty seats around!

FriDave cozies next to me and I meet the rest of his gang. They are pleasant, obnoxious (though FriDave seems like the tamest of the batch so far), and have 215 area codes. I've hit the jackpot. Eric Kratz holds onto the ball through a crash with Tyler Moore to get a terrific out at home, and every possible permutation of high fives occurs between every Philly fan in the section. A Mets fan rears his ugly head and FriDave swiftly heckles him into submission. *SWOONS* One of his friends offers to get me another beer so I quickly kill the Coors.

ZWR Note: I added the heart

3rd Inning
Ugh. 3 up 3 down for the Phils and then Bryce Harper scores on a sac fly. OMGZ that's the end of the 3rd my date's coming up soon! I down a beer to take the edge off.

2nd Inning
Girlfriend tells me I have mascara stuck on my face in a weird way and licks her fingers and tries to wipe it off and WOOHOO Ryan Howard scores! I got good vibes about this.

1st Inning
I'm so excited to be here and kick off this 3-day weekend, I'm going to have a beer! FriDave texts me that he'll come meet me in the 4th. I hope he's a cool guy!

*Girlfriend is my female friend from college who shall remain nameless, lovely, and from North Jersey (yuck).


  1. So does FriDave get another date?

  2. That chick is wearing Patagonia and you know what that means. Down stairs. Hot tub time machine action.

    PS - way to spring for a seat upgrade Frilock ya cheap bastard.

    1. That chick looks kinda like my girlfriend who supposedly went out with the girls that night.

    2. That's alright; I gave her some STD's last year!


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