Friday, August 30, 2013

Five Questions with Phillies Reporters (Part Five)

Part One is here.
Part Two is here.
Part Three is here.
Part Four is here. 

Thanks to Cooney, Murph, #WOOFCITY, Lawrence, and Sellecki for taking the time to examine the complicated, current state of things.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Five Questions with Phillies Reporters (Part Four)

Part One is here.
Part Two is here.
Part Three is here.

Lots of heavy issues covered so far, kids. Let's keep steaming ahead. It's all for the good of the squad.

Tom Selleck + Todd Zolecki = Todd Sellecki



You're welcome.

8/28/13 vs. M_ts - One Sentence Recap

"The starting combination of Hamels on the mound and Orr/Bernadina/Mayberry in the outfield proved too dominant for the lowly M_ts."

AP Photo

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Five Questions with Phillies Reporters (Part Three)

Part One is here.
Part Two is here.

We're really getting to the nitty-gritty folks.

8/27/13 vs. M_ts - One Sentence Recap

"This game was so awful that I'm not even going to post a picture of it."


Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Five Questions with Phillies Reporters (Part Two)

Catch Part One-- where we introduce our panel and start getting to the bottom of the key issues-- here.

8/26/13 vs. M_ts - One Sentence Recap

"Cliff Lee did what Cliff Lee does and the M_ts did what the M_ts do."

AP Photo

Monday, August 26, 2013

Five Questions with Phillies Reporters

As a noted NFL authority, I was recently asked to participate in a “Five Questions” series by the Eagles blog Eagles Faithful. I enjoyed the experience, though it got me to thinking about just how many questions surround this Phillies team-- both in the immediacy of this poop sandwich of a season and the future. Pondering this slew of decisions-- decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse-- is exhausting, so I've brought in the experts for sort of my own five questions. Actually, there’s no “sort of” about it, they’re five questions. Straight up stole you jawn Eagles Faithful, thanks!

Anyhow, on to it. I’ll post a different one each day for your enjoyment, Donkey Nation, and we'll get to the bottom of things: how it all stands, and what must be done. Tough questions, tough answers and whatnot.

The Panel: Ryan Lawrence (, David Murphy (, Chris Branch (Delaware Online), noted bet-welcher and all-around bad guy Todd Zolecki (MLB dot com (!!!)), and Kevin Cooney (Bucks County Courier Times).

So Roy Halladay Pitched Yesterday (8.25.13 v Diamondbacks)

 zOMG yes please.

David Maialetti,

Raise your hand if you think you could throw a baseball well three months after shoulder surgery. Raise your hand if you think you could raise your hand three months after shoulder surgery. Lastly, raise your hand if you were thrilled yesterday, upon watching noted hero and bolg muse Roy Halladay not only return roughly three short months-- and ahead of the planned schedule following Saturday's clusterduck-- following shoulder surgery, but throw six strong and get the win against the #godbacks.

Sunday, August 25, 2013


omg omg omg omg omg omg a mere three months after shoulder surgery and two rehab outings our hero HARRY LEROY HALLADAY III will be starting today for your Philadelphia Phillies. Color me excited. A little nervous considering how situation is driving this, but yes... awesomeface excited. Faces will be broken.

Hey speaking of Roy Halladay, ZWR enthusiast Mike made this video for (what was supposed to be) today's rehab start in Reading. EVEN BETTER, MIKE!

8/24/13 vs. #godbacks - One Sentence Recap

"Casper Wells went 0-7 and was the losing pitcher!"


Saturday, August 24, 2013

8/23/13 vs. #godbacks - One Sentence Recap

"Yesplease those uniforms and we wonned!"

Steven Falk,

Thursday, August 22, 2013

That Moment When Awesome Emma Made Ryne Sandberg Poop Himself

I hinted at it in the original post, but last night staff videographer Gatorade Pokemon Atari emailed me a giant picture of Sandberg's face in the fateful moment and I knew it needed its own post. I'll set the scene, but keep in mind this all happened the night before Cholly got fired-- and Sandberg knew he was getting the nod:

Sandberg rolls up to Awesome E, thinks to himself "Awwww, this is cute."

Emma's first question: "Do you like being a coach for the Phillies?"

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Relevant Info on Newest Phil Roger Bernadina (SHARKADINA)

Oh my goodness so here's the deal: The guys at SHARKADINA (that's pretty dope) name him "The Shark", wore shark hoods (yesplz) to Natinals games, and then got to hang out with him! Any pro ball player who's willing to see two donkeys dressed like sharks and treat them nicely can't be too bad of a guy, right?

(more pics after the jump)

So Roy Halladay Pitched Yesterday (8.20.13 v. Hagerstown)

Hey kids, Roy Halladay pitched in another rehab start last night, this time in Lakewood, Zoo Jersey. And while I wish I could say it was nothing but face-breaking and SO CUTTEREDS, we'll have to settle for his arm feels good and didn't asplode.

Steven M. Falk-

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

BREAKING: Angelo Cataldi is an Idiot

This article is one giant poop sausage set on fire and formed into a giant poop sculpture from the melted poop remains.
"Manuel won more games than any manager in the team’s history, and he won a championship here in 2008."
"The bottom line is, he underachieved."

About the Metro: Metro is a free daily newspaper written and designed for young and ambitious professionals. Designed for a 20-minute read, the paper gives metropolitans all they need to know, Monday through Friday, during their morning commutes.

8/19/13 vs. Rockies - One Sentence Recap


Photo: Getty Images

Monday, August 19, 2013

Awesome Emma Interviews Everyone on the Red Carpet AGAIN [VIDEO]

Everyone remembers when Awesome Emma straight up owned it and interviewed a eleventyfive hundred celebrities at last year's Hamels Foundation Diamonds and Denim event. Guess what? She did it again this year! And, trust me, every single moment in this video is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.

"zOMFG YES PLEASE ZWR I so need this it's Monday and I hate my job thank you thank you thank you this rules"

Photo Credit: Emma's Mom
(Note: This took place last Thursday night, so the Ryne Sandberg interview is actually kind of extra amazing) GO WATCH!!!

Friday, August 16, 2013

Here's Ruben Amaro Jr. Crying While Firing Charlie Manuel

We'll miss you, Charlie. :(

Thank You, Charlie

I'll always love you.

Eagles/Panthers Running Diary

ZWR Preseason Insider Stephane (University of Texas Class of 2017, HOOK EM) kept a running diary during last night's Eagles/Panthers tilt. I mean, why not? Enjoy!

7:30-Who the hell is that dweeb next to Baldy?

7:32-Baldy makes a good point about Cary Williams playing. Although I think he’s a bowl of fart soup, they do need to see what they have in him.

7:35-Dave Spadaro is a weird-looking dude.

7:36-Panthers unis are hot. Bring back the Kelly Green (RIP Cranekicker).

Yong Kim,

So Roy Halladay Pitched Yesterday (8.15.13 v. GCL Pirates)

Wait what, SRHPY? I know, right! Roy Halladay pitched yesterday, in a Phillies uniform, and his arm didn't fall off. WOO-HOO! It was only three months ago that he was having shoulder surgery, yet our hero is out there battling in hopes of sparking a late season surge that could propel the Phils to .500 or within striking distance of third place.


Thursday, August 15, 2013


Roy is making a rehab start in Clearwater today, and ZWR enthusiast Julius either has premier access to the field or is one of the players. Regardless, he's sent along these AMAZING photos of a healthy Harry Leroy Halladay breaking faces.

Yes, please

The man is a machine

Thanks, Julius! Thanks for the photos, for being so close, for being named Julius... all of it. Seriously, you just made all of our days.

8/14/13 vs. Braves - One Sentence Recap

"We lost, but at least Philadelphia wouldn't make a former President of the United States of America stand in the rain and dry off his own seat."

AP Photo; Seriously, the Braves? 

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Be Careful!!!

Click for largeness- I just want Roy to be safe tomorrow

8/13/13 vs. Braves - One Sentence Recap

"Oh hey look we lost shocker can't believe it."


Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Phils Sending Subliminal Messages (LA CRAP)

ZWR enthusiast Steve (aka Homeslice McDonkleton) sent me this pretty humorous screen grab of a Phils ticket office promotion, in which they pretty much capture this 2013 season. LA CRAP!!!

Yes, it has been the crap

UPDATED with a silly ZWR picture because I know you love those.

8/12/13 vs. Braves - One Sentence Recap

"Suck it, the Braves, I still hate your faces so much go screw."


Monday, August 12, 2013

You Know, The Phillies Could Be Pretty Good Next Year If...

By Danger Guerrero

You know, the Phillies could be pretty good next year if...

... Cole Hamels regains his 2008/2012 form, AND...

... they decide to keep Cliff Lee, AND...

8/9/13 - 8/11/13 vs. Natinals - One Sentence Series


Friday, August 9, 2013

Thursday, August 8, 2013

ZWR Breaking Exclusive: Phils Still Talking to Miguel Alfredo Gonzalez...

... It's just not about baseball.

"So I saw that Godfather II the other night."

"So good. Adding De Niro, my goodness."

"I love that little logo- the crucifix with the puppet strings."

8/7/13 vs. Cubs - One Sentence Recap

"Some scrub I never heard of hit a 600-foot BOMB off De Fratus after some guy I never heard of from our bullpen walked like seven guys in the ninth inning."

Yong Kim, Philly.Com

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Frankly, I'm Drunk on Utley Love- wFc

Love you, HK.

Chase Utley - EXTENDED


"But these are days we dream about when the sunlight paints us gold
And this apartment could not be prettier as when we danced up there alone
This TV is old, the color is fargled, do you see the difference in the shades?
But the green's still close to green, my love
And I believe we are the same.
And we’ll stay like this, all gold and green
The light collects and projects your heart on a movie screen
And if you close your eyes
We will always be the way we were that night
You became wFc."

You're the Best Around!

Silly Cubs outfielder, you don't crane kick the baseball!


8/6/13 vs. Cubs - One Sentence Recap

"The Phillies beat the Cubs, Asche and Ruf looked really good, and the ninth inning gave everyone a heart attack."

Ron Cortes,

Friday, August 2, 2013


I'm not 100% implying Roy actually learned how to levitate, because I don't know that for a fact. And aseveryone knows this bolg is first and foremost committed to facts and the scientific method.

HOWEVER, what I will absolutely 100% say is that at a minimum... there does appear to be quite a lot of water on that field...

Pic by ya boi Yong Kim,

8/1/13 vs. Giants - One Sentence Recap

"If you think about it, what the Phillies accomplished last night (if you even bothered to watch or attend or listen)--ruining yet another great pitching effort with a blown save and inventing new ways to not score runs--was actually quite an achievement."

Out. pic

Out. pic

Thursday, August 1, 2013

7/31/13 vs. Giants - One Sentence Recap

"Thank goodness they kept this juggernaut together!"

Yong Kim,

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