Monday, August 26, 2013

Five Questions with Phillies Reporters

As a noted NFL authority, I was recently asked to participate in a “Five Questions” series by the Eagles blog Eagles Faithful. I enjoyed the experience, though it got me to thinking about just how many questions surround this Phillies team-- both in the immediacy of this poop sandwich of a season and the future. Pondering this slew of decisions-- decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse-- is exhausting, so I've brought in the experts for sort of my own five questions. Actually, there’s no “sort of” about it, they’re five questions. Straight up stole you jawn Eagles Faithful, thanks!

Anyhow, on to it. I’ll post a different one each day for your enjoyment, Donkey Nation, and we'll get to the bottom of things: how it all stands, and what must be done. Tough questions, tough answers and whatnot.

The Panel: Ryan Lawrence (, David Murphy (, Chris Branch (Delaware Online), noted bet-welcher and all-around bad guy Todd Zolecki (MLB dot com (!!!)), and Kevin Cooney (Bucks County Courier Times).

Question 1: For serious, how great is ZWR?

So Great

Ryan Lawrence: It's pretty great. I've even purchased multiple t-shirts from the ZWR store. Despite being a ZWR zealot from the start, before every other donkeys (Zolecki, Deitch) jumped on board, I've never asked for a free handout from Mr. ZWR. That just wouldn't be classy. And I don't want to distract Mr. ZWR from succeeding at his mission of going to the zoo with Roy Halladay. I'm loyal to the cause.

Wait. This was supposed to be about you, not me. Sorry.

David Murphy: Well, as everybody knows, I am a raging egotist a**hole, and as a raging egotist a**hole, I must point out that I am probably the wrong person to engage in a debate about greatness, given that the list of things that I consider to be “great,” at least in the absolute sense, is limited to myself and whatever versions of me exist in all other possible worlds (It probably goes without saying that I am a modal realist, since I cannot imagine a universe in which my greatness is not exponential). If you are talking about greatness in a relative sense, and you are asking me to relate your level of greatness to those of simpletons like Lawrence, then your greatness knows no bounds. (Editor's Note: ZOINKS)

Chris Branch: You’re pretty great, I guess. I've only been around for a year and a half, so I don’t have as much experience as these other bros. Also, your namesake has been uh, damaged a bit the entire time I've been here (woof, amirite?) so you always seem a little sad. Speaking of, major internet points deducted for being late to the Woof game, penguin. Smh. But yeah, cool beans and stuff. (Editor's Note: #woofcity)

Todd Zolecki: I’ll be honest with you. I didn’t “get” ZWR for a while. Ryan Lawrence blathered on and on and on about you for months and months when you first appeared on the scene. I mean, it was some serious stalker-type stuff. Just really made everybody in the press box genuinely uncomfortable about the whole situation. Then I checked out the bolg. What is the MS Paint stuff? But then one day it clicked. I saw the genius and I’ve been coming back ever since.

Kevin Cooney: I don't think it is possible to put into words how awesome ZWR really is (Editor's Note: This guy gets it.). I mean, any bolg that can Lawrence to actually break out the wallet, get through the cobwebs to the credit card to buy a t-shirt? I mean, that says it all right there. And that's just the tip of the iceberg- which is fitting since the mascot is a penguin.


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