Part One is here.
Part Two is here.
Part Three is here.
Lots of heavy issues covered so far, kids. Let's keep steaming ahead. It's all for the good of the squad.
Question 4: Will Todd Zolecki ever buy me my funnel cake?
Ryan Lawrence: The man drives a Lexus to the ballpark, rolls with high rollers like Papelbon, Lee and Michael Martinez on the road, and, back in Philly, rests his head every night in the same gated community as David Montgomery. Should he buy you a funnel cake? Of course, the man could afford to buy you a dozen a day on his MLB.com salary. But will he?
Of course not. Zo is straight-up evil.
[inserts photoshopped picture of Zolecki's head on Dr. Evil's body, with Gelb'd head on Mini Me].
David Murphy: Because all of us have, at one point or another, joined Zolecki for a beer after a game, I think the answer to this question should be unanimous: Zolecki is never going to buy you anything. (Editor's Note: Go screw I hate your face)
Chris Branch: Only if you become a Packers stockholder with that Midwestern douche.
Todd Zolecki: Listen, I have the receipts at home from the various days I've purchased funnel cakes and awaited your arrival, but you’ve never showed. You’re a sick dude, wasting perfectly good funnel cakes like that.
Kevin Cooney: Zolecki will buy you a funnel cake. And on top of it, a cheese curd from the Wisconsin State Fair. All part of that Midwestern charm he's got going.