Sunday, October 6, 2013

A Teenager’s Mediocre Gambling Picks, Week 5!!!

As noted last week, these are intended for illegal gambling of real money for which you have no intention of paying taxes on the winnings. 

Week 4 recap: I managed to go 10-5 straight up, but only 8-7 against the spread. I now stand at 28-33-2 ATS and 40-23 straight up. To the picks we go! Home team in CAPS.

CLEVELAND (-4) 23, Buffalo 17. Hey, a good start to the week for once!

Kansas City (-3) 20, TENNESSEE 13. I’d take the Titans if Jake Locker was playing, but alas it is Ryan Pickspatrick in the lineup instead.

MIAMI (-3) 27, Baltimore 21. There’s a very good chance that Joe Flacco (and Baltimore by extension) just aren’t all that good and went on a historically lucky run last postseason. At least Joe got paid though. $52M for the unibrow.

ST. LOUIS (-11.5) 28, Jacksonville 10. Fade Jacksonville until further notice. All aboard the Gus Bus! Remember when we were all tracking Gus Bradley’s flight like a bunch of donks?

CINCINNATI (PK) 27, New England 24. Doesn’t make much sense at first glance but I think Cincinnati bounces back after a bad loss at Cleveland last week and keeps pace in the AFC North. Gut call. Also I don’t like Tom Brady.

Seattle (-3) 27, INDIANAPOLIS 20. I'm not sold on the Colts yet and Richard Sherman (who totally rulez btw) will shut down Reggie Wayne. Luck’s going to have to try to get Marvin Harrison involved in the passing game, which will probably be tough considering he’s retired and also shoots people in North Philly for fun. (Editor's Note: OH SNAP!)

GREEN BAY (-7) 38, Detroit 28. Aaron Rodgers and the Packers are coming off a bye. I have a feeling this could look a little like the Broncos-Eagles game last week.

New Orleans (-1) 27, Chicago 17. Chicago looked pretty bad last week because Jay Cutler might have played drunk and New Orleans has looked good on both sides of the ball this year. And I recently traded for Drew Brees in a fantasy league.

Philadelphia (+1.5) 34, NEW YORK GIANTS 23. We own the new Meadowlands.

ARIZONA (+1.5) 24, Carolina 20. The Cardinals are sneakily not-terrible at home.

DENVER (-7.5) 41, Dallas 24. I would lay 14 points with Denver. They are really fargling good and Dallas sucks forever and always.

San Diego 20, OAKLAND (+4.5) 17 (OT). This game got moved back to 11:35PM which of course means the fans are going to be absurd and it’s going to be a terrible game that lingers way too long and probably goes into overtime. 29 people will watch this game.

SAN FRANCISCO 24, Houston (+6) 21. Houston should have beaten the Seahawks team that annihilated the Niners in Week 2. I don’t want to lay 6 in this game.

ATLANTA (-10) 28, New York Jets 17. Falcons need this, Jets stink.

Enjoy the games, everyone!

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