Friday, October 25, 2013

Ruben Amaro Jr. Plays the $150,000,000 Pyramid (Again!)



 Ruben, Markie, yet again you've made it to the winner's circle! 

Wow- I tell ya, that's impressive, especially considering how things ended last time. 

You know the rules-  if you can guess all of the clues before the clock runs out you win ...


Twenty-five thousand big ones!!!


That's right! Markie, you'll be giving the clues. Ruben, you'll be guessing. 


Let's do this, Dick!


What are we waiting for?! 60 seconds on the clock, please! 
Aaaaaaaaaannnnndddd ... go.




The rules. A leader.


Things that you follow.


The end of Ryan Howard's contract.

Things that are far away!

WOWW.


Delmon Young. Michael Young. Laynce Nix. John Mayberry. John Bowker. Juan Pierre. Chad Durbin. Mike Adams. Chad Qualls. Michael Martin--

Things that rule--

Things that are...

Things, things that are great!!!!


He's on fire!


Pat Bur...

THINGS THAT PENETRATE.

Like a post-hole digger, baby. See you in fifteen, M-Post.




Me in fifteen. You at the end of most negotiating scenarios. The Phillies in the standings.

Things on the bottom!

Only one clue left!!! 

Plenty of time on the clock!!!




The future. A budget.




Your organization's strategy.


... ...


Your resources. How to fill gaps and address needs.


I'm really stuck here, Markie.

THESE CLUES SUCK.

I'm sorry, you'll have to do bett--

TELEVISION CONTRACT NEGOTATIONS.

TRADE DEADLINE STRATEGIES.

FREE-AGENCY PLANS.

B U D G E T S. OH MY GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU THE PHRASE IS PLAN THINGS YOU PLAN

****BUZZER SOUNDS***
[TIME RUNS OUT]

Wow, you are really terrible at this, woman.

(shaking darn head)
Wow, Markie. Ruben. That was, uh... yeah. Wow, that was. Yeah, that was really something.

The answer we were looking for, Ruben, was "Things You Plan."
(Audible GASP from crowd) 
Well, what did you expect me to do when you bring back this washed up, flat-a**ed, no-talent hack to try and give clues again?

WHAT DID YOU EXPECT TO HAPPEN, DICK, WHEN YOU PUT ON THE SAME SHOW WITH THE SAME PEOPLE AND MAKE THE SAME BAD DECISIONS OVER AND OVER AGAIN, AND THEN GET THE SAME RESULT? I KNOW YOU'RE OLD BUT ARE YOU ALSO DUMB? I WENT TO STANFORD, DICK, AT THAT SCHOOL THEY TEACH US ABOUT LEARNING FROM OUR MISTAKES.

BESIDES, I DEMANDED AS PART OF MY AGREEMENT THAT I WANTED HEATHER LOCKLEAR. I MEAN WHAT IN THE ACTUAL F**K KIND OF PISSANT OPERATION ARE YOU RUNNING HERE, DICK?

I'm out of here.

You're out of here?!

I'M out of here.

[Markie Post strips down to a bikini, hops on a bike and pedals off-stage]

That's right, darling. I've got your banana seat waiting right here.

Well once again, folks, it seems that this show was a disaster. 

(forced, nervous laughter)
Ruben, I'm sorry that you didn't complete the pyramid, despite Markie Post's once again excellent clues. At least Pat Burrell will be taking home a parting gift!! 
(Audience GUFFAW)
 
Better luck next time, WHEN WE PLAY THE PYRAMIDDDDDDDDD

Exit music plays, and the camera follows as Ruben Amaro hopelessly tries to find the curtain opening to leave the stage...

CREDITS ROLL.


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