Thursday, November 7, 2013

ZWR and Evan's Sports Annals Present The Official Ranking of the Best Athlete Named Armen in Philadelphia's History

ZWR: A host of men have played for the Philadelphia 76ers. Many of them had names. Many had haircuts. None other were named Armen. None other had a Gumby fade.

"Dat Ass"

The Evster: I understand that Armen Gilly was the best Armen in Philadelphia history. I get it, I totally do. But he was also the worst. His dumptruck, back you down, left-hand jump hook, right-hand jump hook, super boring low-post game was painful to watch and IN MY OPINION, he single-handedly ruined the semi-decent Sixers teams of the late 80s and early 90s. Remember, the year before the Sixers got Armen, they had just won the Atlantic Division, but decided to trade away bigman Mike Gminski (ONE OF SIR CHARLES’ BEST FRIENDS AND A DUDE WITH AN AMAZING BEARD) …

ZWR: Excuse me Evan I don't mean to interrupt but please don’t forget the G-Man’s earring. Also, I do remember because I L-O-V-E-D the 1989-90 Sixers and spent a hefty chunk of my paperboy earnings to go to Game 2 of the Cavaliers series with my best friend who hated basketball and had the flu I even wore black hi-top Nike Air Flights just like them.

The Evster (cont'd): … for Armen and his Gumby cut. And the thing is, it wasn’t even a good Gumby! Big Daddy Kane had a good Gumby! His was like 12 inches high. Armen’s was like a little bitty mini Gumby, sloped at a 15 degree angle, the kind of slope that no kid would ever want to go sledding down. So after the Sixers picked up Armen, Charles became frustrated, they switched to those ridiculously stupid uniforms and the team went into the gutter. Still, yes, Armen Gilliam was probably the best Armen in Philadelphia history, so congratulations Armen on this prestigious award. Also, you’re dead, so you can’t read this. And that’s sad. You still kinda sucked. RIP.

ZWR: But were also the best ever.


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