Friday, December 20, 2013

The 2013 Definitive ZWR Holiday Gift Guide


Welcome to the 2013 ZWR Definitive Holiday Gift Guide of Things You Should Really Want For Christmas. You can see previous year’s versions here (2010), here (2011) and here. I’m STILL WAITING on that aircraft carrier, BTW. 

Let's get to it. 

Coleco Table Hockey Game

Please make sure it’s the Flyers v. the stupid Rangers and has the scoreboard that drops the puck for faceoffs and the goal lights when the puck goes into the net I mean this thing R-U-L-E-S. I mean, look at all of those glorious logos on the side! Whalers! Nordiques! JEU DE HOCKEY!!

SEGA Game Gear

Dude, yes, Mom, I know I have a Game Boy already but this is totally different because it’s IN COLOR and the graphics are wayyyyyy better and the games are cooler like Shinobi I promise you’re not wasting money here please and thank you this thing is the wave of the future.

A Hacky Sack

When I went out to spend that weekend at my cousin’s all of his friends were hanging around and kicking the hacky sack around and it was really cool and mellow and fun. They’re not even that expensive. And besides that time when I saw my other really dysfunctional cousin from the other side of the family pegging his dog with it, this is pretty much the perfect stocking stuffer.

Snoop Dogg "Doggystyle" CD - OR - Dr. Dre "The Chronic" CD

Okay, so this is kind of an optional either/or because I know this is a controversial pick, Mom, but seriously everyone in school is listening to these and reciting these lyrics and I really kind of feel left out and YES i know that they’re “Explicit Lyrics” or whatever but I’m totally capable of handling the content matter and besides when I turn 16 these are gonna really BUMP on my twin 10” JBLs that I’m asking for next year. You don’t want me being the only one not clued in to all the drama in the LBC, do you?

Nerf Turbo


I’m not exaggerating, guys, I can throw this thing 70 yards. Donger’s mom got him one for his birthday and he can literally throw it out of the end zone on every single kickoff when we play two-hand touch, it’s basically revolutionized the game of football. Plus, it’s made out of foam so I’m way less likely to get hurt. No jamming fingers with this bad boy. Nope, just throwing glorious, perfect spirals that hit my receivers 80 yards downfield. And then one time when a big chunk of foam started to get ripped out of it, we doctored it up with a few strips of clear packaging tape and, not even kidding, after that it basically had magical powers and went like 100 mph in whatever direction you aimed it.

A See-Through Phone for My Room (and my own line)

I mean, I’m growing up. And kids my age talk on the phone… a lot. Why not just let me have my own line, so this way I don’t have to hang up when you have to call aunt Kim to gossip or make haircut appointments or whatever. Besides, this thing is totally see-through, so it’ll teach me about engineering and stuff because I’ll see how everything works. Every house needs phones DUH can you imagine not having one plugged into each room that’s crazy talk this is an investment in our family.

California Games for Commodore 64

I’m not even going to detail this one too much because it’s all pretty self-explanatory. LOOK AT THAT PICTURE. And, did you even know that this game is basically a steal because it's really like 20 games in one because you can play frisbee and go surfing and other laid back chill west coast style activities like HACKY SACK (NOTE: GIFT GUIDE LIST SYNERGY!!). Also, if you kick the hacky sack high enough you can hit the seagull flying overhead and it’s HILARIOUS.

Load, “*”, Yes, Please.


The Holiday Spirit
People always ask me, “ZWR, what are you favorite things and how can I support the bolg?” And I’m always like, “Girl I like you just the way you are and thank you for being such a good friend, BUT since you asked I also really strive to make some beer money off of my bolg so if you’re interested in helping out with that please go and buy a ZWR Tee Shirt or Click Here to Shop on



  1. Don't forget the camp classic -- Nok-Hockey!

  2. Had the table hockey game, Flyers vs Kings. That was back when the Kings had those super bright purple jerseys. Loved the slidey east-west goalie action!

  3. Is it mere coincidence that Preston and Steve talked about the see-through phone a couple days ago and it now shows up in the 2013 Holiday Gift Guide?


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